How to deal with a bullying colleague?

Have you tried to kill her with kindness? It might be worth trying it often works in these situations as it takes the steam away. Be chirpy and happy every day with her, say hello, ask how she is, even if she doesn't answer.

She wants to be powerful, she's chosen bullying as the way to be it. Take that opportunity away by being seemingly oblivious to her antics. If she's a horror she may well continue to be but she will be aware you are so happy and nice that it has no affect.

With the work take the same approach be lovely but so sorry you can't do X y z for her.

I agree that you need to find the courage to stand up for yourself somehow. In my experience, office bullies tend to pick on the ones who don't answer back. It becomes a cycle; they push further and further because they know the person won't defend themselves. With every bit further they push, and each time the person doesn't retaliate, they lose a little bit more respect for the person.

You need to stand up for yourself, force her to respect you. Don't answer your emails on your lunch break, and if she asks you to do it tell her that you're on lunch and will deal with it after. Be polite and civil when she speaks to you, but if she speaks to you in a way you don't like you have to tell her!

I worked with someone like this, although it took a work crisis to suss her out, I discovered why she was like that: she felt inadequate because she was out of her depth and took it out on me. I'll explain:

I had just finished a 13 month course at a disability college, passed it 2 months early, went for a job in work I had never done before and got it. As a result, I was feeling very good about myself, which was the complete opposite to the preceding couple of years. I had always worked in engineering jobs: I was a Motor Engineer and a workshop foreman, until an accident and spinal injuries from a previous job years before, almost paralysed me. This put me out of work and into disability and I went into the above course to change careers. I had loved my previous work and was very down when I could no longer do it.

The new post was within a local government HQ and I was employed to carry out Land and border searches. The simplified example being: if someone wants to buy a piece of unallocated land, say a common, they employ a solicitor to apply to the County Council. It is demanding work which can carry expensive penalties for mistakes. The woman I refer to, made such a mistake, costing over £500,000 and attempted to blame me. When the blunder came to light, I was put in front of a Tribunal, but had been forewarned by one of the many other people that she had angered or upset. I checked my times and dates: all recorded by Pay Staff on computer and available on request. I had my records and I produced them, to prove that I was off work and ill for a week when the mistake was made. I also proved that my signature had been forged on the documentation, such an obvious forgery.

Faced with all that, she had no choice but to admit that she had made the error. She then compounded her stupidity by screaming abuse at myself and the Tribunal members and was sacked on the spot.

I also suffered the Silent Treatment from this woman. She could not use a computer and could not admit that, so delegated all that to me. I got a little trite revenge by coming in an hour early and putting in a password every morning. When she tried to use it, she got angry "What have you done to this computer?" I just got up and she moved away, I inputted the password and asked her in a puzzled manner, "What's the problem?" Childish I know, but I enjoyed it. What made it so much worse, was that she was over 20 years my junior. She would leave little notes which read like something a schoolmistress would write: "- (my name) - 'See Me' " I asked her once not to address me as if I was 10 years old.

That's why I say, your problem person probably feels inadequate. You are probably much better at your job than she is. Instead of trying to befriend you and ask for help, she cannot admit her failings, but will take it out on you. If there were another person in that office with her, there would be the same result, with another target.

Please speak to your line manager, you may well meet with sympathy.

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

When does it become more than office politics though? I've never said a thing to her...too intimidated tbh. She is nasty to everyone but they're lucky enough not to have to share an office. One of my male colleagues overheard her speaking to me one day and stepped in to tell her to stop talking to me like that. I wish I could get the courage to do that myself.

get the courage to do that yourself - you may find you only have to do it once. Because you haven't spoken up yourself, your colleague may feel that the way she is communicating with you (the constant email instructions, the "telling you off" etc) is acceptable to you.