We can't afford to live together and have children
Options
Comments
-
My ambition in my job is irrelevant, working up doesn't pay much more I know it's weird but that's how it is I've looked into it and I've looked at changing career and anything that pays more requires different skills to the ones I have gained. I will keep looking for it but I cannot base the decision on the assumption it will happen
Oh another excuse.
LOADS of people retrain now. A lot have to due to redundancy, some choose to make a change for their own happiness, some for career prospects.0 -
OP wake up and smell the coffee ! Stop overthinking and DO something.0
-
This is painful to read. I am amazed you still have a girlfriend. If you really wanted to live together and have a family you would have done it by now. Maybe watch the programme 'How to live mortgage free' and take some ideas about alternative living.0
-
I feel like the only one with this view but...This is utterly ridiculous.
You haven't lived together properly and already, after being together a very, very short time, want to buy a house with your girlfriend. You don't earn enough to buy a house and, as you barely know each other and never lived together, you must think how you'd afford it alone when you split up.
When my husband and I were first married both sets of parents told us to overpay our mortgage and not save. We did this and paid off our mortgage many years earlier than it should have been. Due to several unexpected really nasty things not of our making we now find ourselves on benefits living in a house without heating or hot water for over 3 years because its not rented and we can't afford repair.
Don't do it.Master Apothecary Faranell replied, “I assure you, overseer, the Royal Apothecary Society dearly wishes to make up for the tragic misguidance which ended so many lives. We will cause you no trouble. We seek only to continue our research in peace".0 -
-
Lots of people saying "live together first". Go back to my parents' generation and what they did was live with their parents until they got married, move in together, possibly in the home of one or other set of parents, perhaps rented or perhaps buying a house striaght away depending on circumstances. Living together unmarried wasn't a thing, it was called "living in sin" in those days.
My parents have been married 52 years btw, so it worked for them. I don't think "you haven't lived together yet" is any kind of reason not to buy a house together, especially not after eleven years of a relationship.Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 20230 -
Assuming this is real (and I'm not convinced) , then my take is as follows.
For someone so scarily risk averse, with no confidence that their financial prospects will improve, so little engagement with 'real' independent life despite being 35, and a desire to have children you should NOT be buying at the outer edges of affordability which is what your dream house represents.
You should consider something like this - buying at around £100k with an 80% mortgage , leaving £20k of your savings for some of your 'what if' scenarios and having a mortgage commitment about half of your current plan.
You also need to admit (if only to yourself and urgently) why you are so scared to engage with real life. At 35, with a partner of 11 years, still living separately with parents you are not exactly Mr Average. If there are some genuine educational or health reasons why you can't get a grip on bills and make decisions, I'm sorry but if this is the case it needs to be factored into your plans.
If, on the other hand, it boils down to wanting champagne lifestyle on minimum wage and being frustrated that you can't, then you need to up your income or lower your expectations.
If , on the third (!) hand , you're just an unmotivated plodder, maybe let your girlfriend take charge and follow her lead?
Not read every post, but what on earth are your respective parents doing/saying about all this?0 -
onomatopoeia99 wrote: »Lots of people saying "live together first". Go back to my parents' generation and what they did was live with their parents until they got married, move in together, possibly in the home of one or other set of parents, perhaps rented or perhaps buying a house striaght away depending on circumstances. Living together unmarried wasn't a thing, it was called "living in sin" in those days.
My parents have been married 52 years btw, so it worked for them. I don't think "you haven't lived together yet" is any kind of reason not to buy a house together, especially not after eleven years of a relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with the OP. The question isn't whether or not the OP and his girlfriend of 11 years should get married before living together. It's two full grown adults still living at home with their respective parents in their 30s....dithering.
As for going straight from living with parents to being married....great it worked out for your parents. It didn't work out for everyone. In fact the number of over-60s getting divorced dubbed the "silver splitters" is increasing.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34767821
In reality the OP and his girlfriend should have flown the nest years ago. They could have rented or bought a 1 or 2 bedroom flat to get started like millions of others do. Instead it's been years of living with parents when they could have been quoting Milton, eating Stilton and rolling around with gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.0 -
I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with the OP. The question isn't whether or not the OP and his girlfriend of 11 years should get married before living together. It's two full grown adults still living at home with their respective parents in their 30s....dithering.
As for going straight from living with parents to being married....great it worked out for your parents. It didn't work out for everyone. In fact the number of over-60s getting divorced dubbed the "silver splitters" is increasing.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34767821
In reality the OP and his girlfriend should have flown the nest years ago. They could have rented or bought a 1 or 2 bedroom flat to get started like millions of others do. Instead it's been years of living with parents when they could have been quoting Milton, eating Stilton and rolling around with gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.
I agree with you but I suspect that when the subject of renting came up (I assume) years ago, they were told not to be so daft, renting is a waste of money and to stay at home & save for a deposit.0 -
onomatopoeia99 wrote: »Lots of people saying "live together first". Go back to my parents' generation and what they did was live with their parents until they got married, move in together, possibly in the home of one or other set of parents, perhaps rented or perhaps buying a house striaght away depending on circumstances. Living together unmarried wasn't a thing, it was called "living in sin" in those days.
My parents have been married 52 years btw, so it worked for them. I don't think "you haven't lived together yet" is any kind of reason not to buy a house together, especially not after eleven years of a relationship.
Doesn't work nowadays.
Different times and different attitudes towards divorce.
They NEED to live together0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
- 608.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173.1K Life & Family
- 247.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards