Co-owned house - causing friction

ska_lover · 13 March 2018 at 7:59PM

Drip feed................

OP if you get as defensive IRL when other people show a different opinion, i think that might be an insight in to the actual issue here - as other people are allowed to give an opinion, especially when asked

NeilCr · 13 March 2018 at 8:00PM

ska_lover wrote: »

Drip feed.............

Frustrating isn't it?

LilElvis · 13 March 2018 at 8:01PM

goochie wrote: »

I find it funny that most posts refer to whom is paying for the works instead of the fact that an agreement we had has been ignored. That has hurt us a lot and is far more important to me than money and always would be, but I guess that’s just me. I have stated numerous times that my mother chose to and wishes to pay for this work, whether we have offered or not on this occasion or any other over the years is no ones business than ours. Each to their own opinion though so thanks for all who posted.

Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and let your parents get on with spending money how they see fit. With my parents and MIL I have ages 79, 81 and 85 to deal with, and they're all pretty competent most of the time. Personally I think my Dad was crackers buying a new Golf Gti and spending £2k+ on a new computer, but they make him happy. My MIL has paid about £2k more than she needed to on her new hearing aids because she likes her audiologist and paid well over the odds on her new boiler because she felt more confident with British Gas than going with an independent, even though BG subsequently made a mess of ordering and the contractor they sent was actually one of the guys who had quoted less. It's their money, their life and as long as they don't do anything far too daft I just let them get on with it when it becomes obvious that pushing my opinion is going to cause friction.

unholyangel · 13 March 2018 at 8:04PM

comeandgo wrote: »

The fact you own 25% of the property is immaterial

Actually its not, its very much a material fact.

Ironically, the immaterial fact is that they're related. Like it or lump it, mum is not the sole owner and living in a property doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want to it.

Its a tough one to comment on though because of that family link potentially complicating the moral view. If they weren't mother-daughter it would be very straightforward and they'd likely have an agreement in place - perhaps where they each pay a share of the repairs but the occupier pays them a share of the market rent (and bear in mind market rent is usually high enough to cover that share of repairs plus provide a profit). In cases such as this (where theres a close family connection), I believe its usually done slightly differently in that they agree to give up any claim to rent in exchange for the occupier agreeing not to claim a share of the repairs.

Tabbytabitha · 13 March 2018 at 8:18PM

goochie wrote: »

Mum owns 50%, and my sister and I 25% each (we are all listed on the deeds), I don't remember any legal documents being drawn up, there is no trust. She is our mum, she will live there as long as she chooses, (and we have told her that if she needs to sell the house and move to a bungalow (as her husband is disabled and struggling with stairs), then she should sell up and use all of the proceeds to find them somewhere suitable to live, and we would just change ownership onto the new property at the % we have now. We will not "inherit" any capital from this property until such time as mum passes, which I hope is a very long way off.

Are you saying that you plan to make your disabled stepfather sell his home soon after he's widowed?

Pdbaggett · 13 March 2018 at 8:20PM

I wouldn't worry to much about the horrible assumptions people make on this site. You could post a question on here asking what's the best name for your new puppy and the replies would probably chastise you for not getting a cat or not adopting an older dog from the pound.

Anyway I would just work with the builder and your mam as much as possible, popping back to keep an eye on the quality of work and making sure your mam isn't getting taking advantage of. Sometimes its just not worth the arguments parents are just as thick headed as us children most of the time.

DavidF · 13 March 2018 at 8:39PM

I kind of get that the op is miffed. Mum basically broke their agreement. That's it plain and simple. I think some posters response was clouded by the fact that the op and her sister legally own 25% each....it's all irrelevant really...Im sure in the op's eyes she is just looking out for mum really. Be quite annoyed if my dad spent thousands on something without at least giving us a ring or mentioning it in our bydaily chats.....

So op if mum has already given over the cash then you are limited in what you can do. Best turn up when builder comes to site and introduce yourself as merely "daughter" looking after mum rather that a 25% stake holder. Mum will probably still resist if you appear too pushy lol...They are only returning the "teenage years" they had to endure lol...they all do it. Seriously though I would just get to know the builder and keep a close eye on the works. If you have concerns then voice them with the builder directly.

NeilCr · 13 March 2018 at 8:59PM

DavidF wrote: »

I kind of get that the op is miffed. Mum basically broke their agreement. That's it plain and simple. I think some posters response was clouded by the fact that the op and her sister legally own 25% each....it's all irrelevant really...Im sure in the op's eyes she is just looking out for mum really. Be quite annoyed if my dad spent thousands on something without at least giving us a ring or mentioning it in our bydaily chats.....

So op if mum has already given over the cash then you are limited in what you can do. Best turn up when builder comes to site and introduce yourself as merely "daughter" looking after mum rather that a 25% stake holder. Mum will probably still resist if you appear too pushy lol...They are only returning the "teenage years" they had to endure lol...they all do it. Seriously though I would just get to know the builder and keep a close eye on the works. If you have concerns then voice them with the builder directly.

I get why the OP is miffed too re the breaking of the agreement. Problem is, this was introduced later on in the thread. If it had been in the first post I think a number of the earlier comments would have been different.

Not sure how I'd have felt had my dad done this. He did splurge money (drove my step mum mad) but I took the view that, overall, he was happy in his world so that was the most important thing. I'd have got involved if it was affecting my step mum badly or she asked me to. But different strokes for different folks etc.

Good advice re keeping in touch with the builder as the daughter. As you suggest that may cause difficulty with the mum!

svain · 13 March 2018 at 9:53PM

People love to jump on posters when it comes to inheritance. Its a common reaction on this site. Ignore them and put it down to jealousy.

Regardless of how the house is divided, agreements made etc ... If the OP thinks her mum is being ripped off by a potential rogue builder to the sum of near £20k, she is absolutely right to be concerned and try and intervene and seek ways of preventing this or advice on how best to deal with it

gettingtheresometime · 13 March 2018 at 10:19PM

I understand why the OP is concerned that her mum may be being ripped off, as I would be if it was my mum but I know my mum would play holy hell if I intervened in the way the OP has.

(I've even offered to go to the doctors with my mum, if only to send the message that they're not going to be able to fob her off but my offers have kindly been refused)

Co-owned house - causing friction

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