Not going to a wedding after rsvp?

grazuole999 · 3 July 2016 at 3:19PM

Hi guys, I am facing a dilemma here - would really appreciate your opinions.

Someone I worked with a year ago is planning their wedding abroad (next month). We used to be quite close when we worked together and I told them that I would come to the wedding if they invited me (this was a year ago).

But since I left that job we started growing apart, not meeting or texting that often, seems we no longer have many things in common. Also, me and OH are in process of buying our first house and we feel that spending over £1000 to go to that wedding is a really big expense for us at this point of life.

I am considering of contacting them to apologize and explain that we will not be able to make it.... is this really bad from my side?

I feel rubbish, but the money is tight

gettingtheresometime · 3 July 2016 at 5:22PM

How close the wedding is it?

Bear in mind that if it's close then whoever is paying for the wedding will have already paid for your meals and unless they can invite 2 other people without appearing as if they are second best 2 meals will go to waste

rach_k · 3 July 2016 at 5:33PM

If it's going to cost you over £1000 to go, I would get in touch and apologise that you can't go, then offer to cover the cost of your meals. They may not accept your offer but you could give them a cash wedding gift anyway. If you've grown apart, they will know it too and may well be relieved that you've been honest and they can either invite somebody else or (possibly) save the money. If it wasn't going to cost you much to go, I'd just say to go, but even with giving them a generous gift you will still save loads so I'd say it's worth it.

Torry_Quine · 3 July 2016 at 5:34PM

Have you actually had a proper invite and replied rather than just saying a year ago that you would go?

grazuole999 · 3 July 2016 at 10:25PM

Thank you all for your replies.

The wedding is in about 8 weeks so it wouldn't be a last minute reply.

They gave a paper invite and straight away assumed that we would attend (as I have previously said that we would). But I haven't properly rsvp.

Honestly if we were still really close, I could probably find the money to attend. But now our relationship is not as it was and I am very reluctant to spendso much to attend.

We will send a oresent either way, cash if it's more appropriate?

melanzana · 3 July 2016 at 10:31PM

It is still not clear as to whether you have RSVPd already, or not.

If not, and there is a cut off date for reply that has not happened yet, then of course you can politely decline.

Make the best decision for yourself. The wedding party will be happy that you have said you cannot go, so they can re allocate the invite, or just cancel it themselves.

Weddings invites are full of those who cannot or will not attend. Important that plenty of notice given!

Do not worry about the bride/groom feelings. They have enough to think about. But a pressie is a nice compromise. They will understand. If they don't..... well I wouldn't be going if that was the case anyway!

Best of luck

Woodyrocks · 3 July 2016 at 10:42PM

I think you should just let the person know that you won't be attending. You don't want to go and no-one wants a person at their wedding that doesn't want to be there. As Rach said, the other person will realise that you are no longer close and might just want to limit it to really close friends and family.

I received an invite last Thursday from someone at work for their Autumn wedding abroad. I can't go as 1) I can't afford it 2) I don't really know the person that well and would feel like a 'random' if I attended. However, I do like the person and will happily get them a wedding gift.

Torry_Quine · 3 July 2016 at 10:42PM

grazuole999 wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies.

The wedding is in about 8 weeks so it wouldn't be a last minute reply.

They gave a paper invite and straight away assumed that we would attend (as I have previously said that we would). But I haven't properly rsvp.

Honestly if we were still really close, I could probably find the money to attend. But now our relationship is not as it was and I am very reluctant to spendso much to attend.

We will send a oresent either way, cash if it's more appropriate?

As you haven't replied yet then I don't see a problem with sending a sorry we are unable to attend card.. Surely they will not be surprised as you aren't close now,

grazuole999 · 3 July 2016 at 10:58PM

Thanks guys, it is really helpful to hear your opinions on this.

I haven't rsvpd in writing, it was sort of assumed that we will attend based on what I said while we worked together.

I guess it makes sense - I don't feel that close to them anymore and they probably feel the same about me.

I just checked their wedding invite and they wanted rsvps by February this year... so I am late to rsvp just by sending a card.... I guess I'll get in touch and explain that we won't be able to attend. Will follow up with a nice gift later

Torry_Quine · 4 July 2016 at 1:19AM

grazuole999 wrote: »

Thanks guys, it is really helpful to hear your opinions on this.

I haven't rsvpd in writing, it was sort of assumed that we will attend based on what I said while we worked together.

I guess it makes sense - I don't feel that close to them anymore and they probably feel the same about me.

I just checked their wedding invite and they wanted rsvps by February this year... so I am late to rsvp just by sending a card.... I guess I'll get in touch and explain that we won't be able to attend. Will follow up with a nice gift later

As you didn't officially accept by February ( which was ridiculously early) will they still be expecting you anyway?.

grazuole999 · 4 July 2016 at 8:49AM

Yes, they will be expecting us even though we didn't rsvp in writing... it was always assumed that we will attend. Also I spoke to them a couple of times since we received the formal invite and it was clear that they expect us there.. They asked which days we are planning to stay in the hotel as they can arrange a discount. I told them provisional dates, but made it clear that these are provisional

Not going to a wedding after rsvp?

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