Advice needed - please don't judge x

Pumpkinx · 9 December 2012 at 9:58PM

Hey everyone, I've come here for some advice I have got to a point where I have honestly no one to turn to (civvie or military) I apologise in advance if its long.

I'm ex armed forces and my partner is currently serving we have 1 child (17 months) we are not married but will be early next year. The problem is, I suffer from severe depression, self esteem isssues and confidence and I've had a massive relapse over the past few weeks. It's a bit awkward to understand my relapsing sometimes little things get me relapse but big things (such as stress about general life money etc) doesn't. At the moment it's bullying that has made me relapse from three army wives who are at it constantly via social networking talking to others and more people are joining in. It really does sound pathetic but it has got to me. We have found out we have a new posting down south mid 2013 (our current posting was suppose to be 10 years+) we have only been here for three years, as we thought we would be staying here we got a mortgage our initial plan was to move on to camp, rent our home out. But after the situation I'm currently in I can't face being confided to camp with the bullying being stuck in doors 24.7 so I decided to stay up here and my partner to commute a few times a month, he isn't happy about this and said he would leave the army if I want him to (I know he doesn't want this as he loves the army) so I told him no.. I'm still on the waiting list to see a physiatrist and I'm on anti depressants I just feel so bad and I feel like I'm a robot at the minute really isolated I've had to close down all accounts (social networking etc) because I just can't deal with it anymore. I was wondering if the army could allow a compassionate posting to stay where we are now? Thank you for listening

Alias_Omega · 10 December 2012 at 1:01PM

Pumpkinx wrote: »

I was wondering if the army could allow a compassionate posting to stay where we are now?

I dunno,

Have you asked your partners HR Admin?

helsee · 10 December 2012 at 2:53PM

You can but ask, people have had postings changed for all sorts of reasons. Basically its possible, but they don't have to change it. Im sorry you've had such an awful experience. Not all wives are like that.

Fergie76 · 10 December 2012 at 8:23PM

Contact Welfare. They maybe able to help with compassionate draft and your personal problems.

If bullying is that bad, report them to the police.

barnabee · 10 December 2012 at 9:15PM

Sorry to hear of the problems. I hope it works out for you and your family. My advice would be to get as much backing as you can from people like the Padre, SSAFA and your GP.
I am sure from your previous military experience you know how sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
Ignore the bullies. You have a young child - spend loads of time together and get out of the house. Walks, toddler groups, museums, anything. Depression wont pass overnight but keep your chin up. I wish you all the very best.

Fergie76 · 10 December 2012 at 11:39PM

Delete your facebook account and stay away from Social Media sites for a period, they will soon get bored.

G8311374 · 12 December 2012 at 9:34PM

Sorry to hear about your mental health problems, as a fellow sufferer I understand how hard life is for you.

Firstly, if you want your husband to get a posting on compassionate grounds you may need to make case for it, so I would contact your HIVE office or unit welfare office for help. A letter from your GP explaining your condition and how a move may be detrimental to your health would bolster your case.

You said you are ex-forces, have you thought of contacting Combat Stress? You can self refer. They are fantastic and can see you during a stay at one of their centers or at home. If you like the outdoors and animals, I can recommend the therapeutic value of Horseback UK, a weeks stay there did me the world of good. I can't recommend it enough.

As for the social networking, I would close your account for the time being till you are stronger. Unfortunately military wives on camp can be notorious for gossip and !!!!!iness, and I know that telling you to ignore them doesnt make you feel better. But really just think, if all they have to do is moan and !!!!! about you then they really are pathetic arent they.

You say you are waiting to see a psychiattrist, I believe that under the armed forces covenant your GP should mark your referral as priority. You could perhaps ask the GP to refer you to your Community Mental Health team? Unfortunatley mental health services are overstretched and waiting times are long.

Are there any clubs off camp that you could go to with your child? Maybe a local mother and toddlers group or an exercise class? it would get you off camp, which at times i recall is massively claustraphobic, and making friends away from the military. I know its tough, but you will get there. I will PM you my email and if you need to chat message me

x

Pumpkinx · 13 December 2012 at 3:36AM

Thanks for all the advice, it's really appreciated. I've blocked many and refuse to listen to people telling me although they think I have a right to know, I mean I don't really know these girls. I know they're trying to make a name for themselves. I've had a think and it's impossible for a compassionate posting (bare in mind his sister was lying in a coma and his boss didn't let him knock off work) I'm starting to put more hours in at work to keep me busy and an application for University again to study Medicine hopefully. When I'm busy I'm fine, I think I had a set back because of this posting worried about general things this crap and my sister in law poorly and needed a vent. I don't have people too vent in as I'm the one always there for people but never seem to get it back, although quite close with OH family I don't want to stress them out even more especially as his sister has been in intensive care an awful lot over this month and still in a bad way in hospital. Hive and welfare are useless... OH had took it upon himself to sort it out with their husbands.. One decided not to come out of his room, the other has just joined the BN and doesn't know who he is and the other went straight to the Sgt maj to say OH was bullying him! I know with some army wives it's politics so I decided not to scoop to their level of having a clash (especially in my line of work I need a clean background) xx

AFF_company_representative · 13 December 2012 at 4:14PM

Hi Pumpkinx,

You are welcome to contact our Health & Additional Needs Specialist if you'd like to. Her name is Karen Ross on Tel: 0755 286 1983 or Email: [EMAIL="additionalneeds@aff.org.uk"]additionalneeds@aff.org.uk[/EMAIL]

Trying_to_be_good · 13 December 2012 at 10:28PM

Hi Pumpkin - lots of empathy from me as a wife and a tendency to depression. I've found NLP (neuro linguistic programming) superb for understanding and helping myself, with relapses far less likely and far 'shallower' when they happen.

Have you found a group of wives/partners you do get on with? Then it doesn't matter if one group doesn't like another group - you're part of something you value and the rest can seem less important.

If your health (including mental health) issues are at all to do with your service, you should have priority via your GP as a veteran. And Combat Stress can be brilliant - they work really closely with MOD, but are also that bit independent.

Have fun as a Mum, a partner, and as you!

jon2432 · 15 December 2012 at 11:11PM

PumpkinX, Try these people as well.

http://www.warriorprogramme.org.uk/

I'm a SSAFA caseworker, we recently had a presentation from these people. I'm sure they may be able to help.

Advice needed - please don't judge x

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