Your views please! Re who really ruins a relationship?

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  • tensandunits_2
    tensandunits_2 Posts: 919 Forumite
    Judi wrote: »
    Ouch! Harsh words! Surely that only applies if she's dragged him up the aisle kicking and screaming.

    I do happen to think, once a flirt, always a flirt.

    I think it just means if he's a philanderer he's highly unlikely to change his ways. When the mistress becomes the (new) wife, he'll just take another mistress.
    It is not because things are difficult that we dare not venture
    It is because we dare not venture that they are difficult

    SENECA
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,828 Forumite
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    tensandunits wrote: »
    I think it just means if he's a philanderer he's highly unlikely to change his ways. When the mistress becomes the (new) wife, he'll just take another mistress.

    That's how I've always interpreted that saying which sadly often happens.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    That's how I've always interpreted that saying which sadly often happens.

    Not always.

    Depends if they just want a bit on the side or are looking for love.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,828 Forumite
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    Not always.

    Depends if they just want a bit on the side or are looking for love.
    Unlikely to marry them though if they were only wanting a 'bit on the side' Either way, it's never right to have an affair
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    Unlikely to marry them though if they were only wanting a 'bit on the side' Either way, it's never right to have an affair

    I disagree to an extent.

    It is not always so black and white.

    Some say leave if you are not happy but that is easier said than done.

    I am not one for people leading miserable lives because of convention.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    Again, it all comes down to people putting their needs first and then justifying their actions because they were not the one creating the situation in the first place.

    Of course, many people cheat because they are just selfish always looking at wanting more rather than appreciating what they already have. Many cheaters feel cheated themselves somehow before they turn to someone else.

    The most common stated reason for people to cheat? I wasn't getting enough attention/affection/interest from my partner, ie. they were selfish! In some cases it's true, in others it isn't.
  • Kazzabell80
    Kazzabell80 Posts: 84 Forumite
    Neither party is blameless in my opinion (if the other woman/man knows about the marriage). The person that is married should shoulder the lions share of the blame though.


    I don't think that it's ever right to cheat. People can say that it isn't as clear cut as that but what is the alternative? Cheat and then deal with the fallout when it all comes to light? Leaving broken families behind, children may end up resenting the parent. Everything is more complicated and bitter as a direct result.


    It's not going to be easy either way but why make things more complicated and heartbreaking for everyone involved? It's cowardly.
  • splishsplash
    splishsplash Posts: 3,055 Forumite
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    I disagree to an extent.

    It is not always so black and white.

    Some say leave if you are not happy but that is easier said than done.
    I am not one for people leading miserable lives because of convention.

    It is, of course, easier to cheat than to leave - it's called having your cake and eating it. It's a sort of given that the cheater won't want to leave and will justify their actions. In fact, that's rather the point.

    What do you mean by your last statement? It sounds like a very odd thing to say. Who would be leading miserable lives because of convention? Do you mean the responsible adult who willingly entered a contract with another person and is now looking to unilaterally rewrite the terms rather than terminate the contract and accept the penalty clauses?
    I'm an adult and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I wish someone would take this power from me.
    -Mike Primavera
    .
  • NBLondon
    NBLondon Posts: 5,526 Forumite
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    catkins wrote: »
    A married person should be steering clear of sleeping with anyone other than their partner
    Unless the partner agrees... or chooses to ignore.
    Which does happen - I'm not just talking about swingers but the case where a spouse accepts physical infidelity rather than give up the social status/financial security of the marriage. Which shouldn't need to be the case nowadays but sadly, there are still people (mostly women) who choose to make that trade-off.
    Wash your Knobs and Knockers... Keep the Postie safe!
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