Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

FattyBettyBoo · 17 August 2011 at 9:41AM

I would calculate exactly how long it would take in this job to pay off the debt - then you'll know how long the situation would be for. If, for example, it would take 2 years at this salary then it may seem 'doable'.

However, there is always the fact that he may not be able to find another job if the situation does not suit you. You could end up worse off in the end if the Germany job doesn't work out and there isn't another job after.

Dinah93 · 17 August 2011 at 9:42AM

I think I know the OP of this question, so I apologise if this is someone else entirely and I've made assumptions.

I know how much you want to move back to your family in Ireland and financially there is no two ways about it that this is the right thing for you. As you are rightly tussling with its the balance between finance and family which is the key. At the end of the day every single person on here could say 'yes, move to different countries and pay off the debts' but that doesn't matter a jot if either of you say to the other you don't want it to happen. And harsh as it probably sounds in this one he has to be all for it otherwise it won't work as it will only build resentment from him that he's being exiled to pay off debts while you got what you wanted in moving back with your family. If he says he wants to do it (maybe even for a fixed term of 6 or 12 months) then do it, your family life will be better in the long run. However if he says he doesn't want to be apart from his family even 5 days a week then you have to respect that as you don't want being apart to pay off some debts to seperate your family permenantly as money is not worth as much as family.

I do think the more pertinent thing here though is that you're moving back to Ireland in 4 months anyway so actually now I think of it he has agreed to being apart for most of the week, so does it really make a blind bit of difference if he's in Scotland or Germany? I'd go to Germany and have a slightly longer flight and much more money in this case. Maybe you could sweeten the deal by saying you'll spend school holidays over there, or you'll go over a fortnight every 2 months or something?

x

minerva_windsong · 17 August 2011 at 9:43AM

When I was young (about six or seven) we lived in North Yorkshire but for two or three years my dad worked in Lancashire during the week and only came home at weekends. I did miss him terribly when he was gone but also there was the great excitement on Friday nights when he came home and it made that time we had together even more precious. As others have said it was a sacrifice but it was done for the right reasons, and now I'm older I can appreciate just how huge it was. That said though my sisters and I were all at school which is obviously a lot different to having a 15 month old and a new baby, but on the flip side my mum wasn't near her family so you'll have that support there if you need it.

Ultimately though I think this is something you need to talk through and decide together.

ingym · 17 August 2011 at 9:47AM

Hi there,

I was in the exact same position as you. I'm Irish and after having my daughter in the UK (my partner is English) I became really homesick and depressed. I really missed my family and friends and wasn't enjoying living in the UK even though I loved my partner and he had a good job. At some point, I became too unhappy and had to move back to Ireland. It was the best thing I did. I had so much support from my family and I got back to myself. My partner came over at weekends when he could. After some months I felt happy enough to give it another try in the UK and because I missed my other half a lot. I got a part time job myself which was daunting but helped things a lot. Now we're expecting another baby. If I were you, I'd go home and let your hubby go to Germany for a while and save while you get some support in Ireland. After a while you'll feel strong enough to move forward !!

cozlw · 17 August 2011 at 9:53AM

My partner and I started our relationship being long distance without children for the sake of work and whilst we made it work, it was extremely difficult to do so. We tried to see each other most weekends but it is tiring, expensive and difficult for the person required to travel as they are always on the 'go'.

Personally, with children I wouldnt even contemplate being apart, it puts pressure on the relationship (you can effectively feel that you are living different lives) and when you are at home with the children and he is out, socialising and trying to fit into German life, how can you be sure that you wont resent it and that he wont miss his children, particularly a newborn!

It may only take a couple of years, I would consider going with him and living in Germany for that time so that you can still be a family and pay off the debts. You can then move to Ireland together having taken on this challenge together.

Gigglepig · 17 August 2011 at 9:54AM

If it was my family we would:

1) all move TOGETHER to Germany, to clear debts and save up
2) once we had put savings aside we'd move to Ireland or whatever place we'd rather wanted to be

If you are homesick, why not take advantage of cheap flights and plan a few weekends in Ireland with your family? It may help to have a trip in the near future to look forward to.

clearmydebts · 17 August 2011 at 10:35AM

Thanks for all the replies.

The contract option is just 1 option, the other is OH getting condensed hours in his current job and coming home on a Thursday evening and flying back on a Monday morning.

I will try and answer all your questions individually now

Mr_Mike_2 · 17 August 2011 at 10:40AM

Move with him. Maximise your nett income, save on flights. I think there are tax breaks for married couples and kids. Not sure if he could claim them if you weren't registered as living with him. You've got a time window before the eldest kid goes to primary school. So you can chase the rate, then settle down in a couple of years when you've built up your bank balance.

clearmydebts · 17 August 2011 at 10:42AM

pipadeepip1 wrote: »

What's the dilemma? If your husband can take a post with a salary that will clear your debts and give you money in your pocket. You should also be able to live where you want, and you will be living like 1000's of other families who choose to work, because many in this day and age do just that. I worked away and for a lot less than your husbands projected salary. The debt may well drive a wedge between you but with him working away you have a chance.

I think the dilemma is the fact that it is contract work, so it could potentially dry up in a few months (no-one can tell if it will or won't). Also OH is meeting his boss today to see what he thinks about him applying for condensed hours. We would still be living away from each other, but he would have Friday, Saturday and Sunday (full days) with us and as he wants to study & move into another area in work it would free him up to study on a Monday, Tuesday & Wed night.

clearmydebts · 17 August 2011 at 10:43AM

mayling03 wrote: »

If he is willing to relocate I would job search harder nearer home! If he is being offered that amount of money per hour, I'm sure he will get a good job, good salary somewhere nearer home.

He is defo willing to relocate and want to. He has been looking for 15 months for a job and there is nothing there at the moment. There was a sniff of a job a few months ago but the company lost their funding unfortunately.

The money that he is being offered in Germany is so good because it is contract work, so no job security.

Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

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