Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

Thanks guys

I haven't done much today or yesterday. Just feel really down. I have been out with the dogs both days, so that's something. In the past, I probably would have taken solace in online shopping, but I know that would make me feel worse. Still using the lamp for a couple of hours each morning. Guess it helps, since I don't feel quite as awful as I did 2 weeks ago.

Just feel like I could really use something good happening in my life — a lucky break or some kind of success.

Thanks ccl I keep thinking how much even a small win would mean to me. It would make such a difference to my current situation and state of mind.

I received my latest £5 Amazon card from SB last night, which brings my blance to £14.72 — about what I want to spend on my brother, though I think I will wait until I can buy my parents' present at the same time, because some of the options are only free delivery over £20 and prices might change in the meantime anyway.

Two good things today, though neither Earth shattering: I wrote a blog post and received some flavoured cider to test for one of my survey panels.

Still feeling awful. Hoping things will change soon, somehow.

I'm soooooo freaking stressed! :mad: :eek: :mad:

My mum took the day off to take me to my Working Links appointment, since I'm not well enough to go alone and the letter said "mandatory." We walked the dogs in the rain and got soaked, since they would be left alone for a few hours. I was so anxious I felt sick and couldn't eat lunch or a proper breakfast. Just as we were about to leave the house, I get a phone call from WL: my appointment was cancelled.

Apparently, to add to the recent c0ck-ups, my appointment was under the wrong name or something — it was the receptionist's thorough checking that led to it getting caught at all. So with only an hour's notice, I was told that my advisor is off ill and has been for the past few days. Great. I voiced my concerns to the receptionist and he was sympathetic and tried to make excuses for my advisor, saying he's been working while ill for a couple of weeks and "hasn't been himself." Well, I've been ill for years and have managed to inform people when cancelling meetings and acknowledge their emails. Both WL and my advisor are aware of my anxiety problems, so they should know how much distress such treatment causes.

The problem is, my mum can't have any more days off this year. The last week she is allowed holiday is next week and both my parents have already asked for an exception so that they can take me to my eye appointment in December (necessary regardless of my anxiety, since I will be having eye drops). Unless I can have an appointment on a Friday afternoon, when my mum finishes work early, I can't go. I will have to wait and see when I get the next appointment sent, but my mum says she will phone WL if there are any problems. She has also done some research online and reckons that WL can't punish me for not attending appointments when I'm ill — though I bet they will try — and if my benefits are sanctioned, apparently they still have to pay the basic rate. Maybe so, but I could do without this stress. My health has nosedived over these past few weeks amd I feel helpless.

A couple of good things happened today: I won a little pot of setting lotion from a beauty website (right up my street, because I love vintage style and pin curl my hair when I can be bothered... Which hasn't been for months ). I also ordered a cheap scented candle to go with my bff's toiletry basket and some retro sweets for my brother — chose a cheaper option than intended, but it had free delivery and gets it out the way! I will add something else to his gift at some point. This leaves me with £4.36 in my Amazon account — need £24.99 for the water butt I want to get my parents.

Soooo... Today has been stressful, but I was also relieved not to have to go to WL. Just glad I got the phone call in the nick of time — especially since not finding out until I got there would have cost money, as well as being a huge waste of time. I also had a pleasant afternoon with my mum and we are cooking curry for dinner