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Brother problems

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  • System
    System Posts: 178,077
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    But the bad news is that your brother tried to take financial advantage of you.
    And it would appear that your Mum knew this.

    Perhaps you should be questioning whether your Mum is an appropriate appointee for you.

    I agree that he was trying to take financial advantage of me, but put another member of the family into the equation like my mum and asked me to pay lodge of £25 each week, would you still class that as financial advantage because I'm going to be doing it off my own back?
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,157
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    I agree that he was trying to take financial advantage of me, but put another member of the family into the equation like my mum and asked me to pay lodge of £25 each week, would you still class that as financial advantage because I'm going to be doing it off my own back?

    No because you have a choice and a heads up.
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 32,519
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    I wouldn't call you paying money for your keep taking advantage of you. I paid keep when I lived at home. How much you pay is between you and your mum, and what it covers in proportion to your income.
    If it's paying for your share of the bills and food, it seems reasonable to me - you wouldn't get it for that anywhere else.
    I do find trying to use you as guarantor without fully discussing the implications with you, and getting informed consent, completely out of order. That would worry me a lot, because it is very much taking advantage of you.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    I agree that he was trying to take financial advantage of me, but put another member of the family into the equation like my mum and asked me to pay lodge of £25 each week, would you still class that as financial advantage because I'm going to be doing it off my own back?
    No, of course it's not taking financial advantage of you if the sum you pay is an appropriate amount agreed between you.

    Just to remind you what you yourself said about your Mother:
    My mum is a right ***** and also have a feeling she's putting ideas inside his head: "Why don't you ask Aaron, because he doesn't pay me lodge".
    Hi Boris,

    Thank for your kind words. She is not alright in the head, and hasn't got my disability down to a T when describing me during an assessment for PIP.

    We received a form before going down to an assessment as I was previously on DLA asking if I wanted to move to PIP, I repeatedly told my nmother 'No, I can get around fine; cook meals; iron my own clothes; pay bills; bath myself etc' Yet insisted on filling and sending away the form because "it's more money in my pocket" according to her. Completely overshadowing what I said about not wanting to claim PIP because I feel fine.

    Upon invitation to the assessment many weeks later she found the cheek to self-diagnose me with anxieties which I don't even suffer from. You either get assessed and diagnosed by your GP, otherwise you don't have it. Then began kicking me gently with her foot when I said the wrong thing than what she wanted me to say just she can pull the wool over the assessors eyes.

    She would have said things like:
    "Aaron needs constant supervision when pouring a cup of coffee in case he burned his hand" or "He struggles to understand how to read cooking instructions". Fair enough I have autism but she takes things too far sometimes.

    I have been destined to write this post for a long time, but wasn't too sure how to word it properly until now. She's a fraudulent liar.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,077
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    Meanwhile, this situation has been resolved so thank you for all your help in trying to get to the bottom of all this.
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
    It hasn't really been resolved Aaron because your brother is now in possession of your financial information and could use it without your knowledge at any point. Just because you failed a credit check for an expensive purchase like a car doesn't mean he can't be setting up smaller direct debits or payments from your account whenever he feels like it.

    You need to speak to your bank at the very minimum to see what they advise.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,077
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    Nicki wrote: »
    It hasn't really been resolved Aaron because your brother is now in possession of your financial information and could use it without your knowledge at any point. Just because you failed a credit check for an expensive purchase like a car doesn't mean he can't be setting up smaller direct debits or payments from your account whenever he feels like it.

    You need to speak to your bank at the very minimum to see what they advise.

    I agree, he can't. I can cancel the Direct Debits I don't recognise, but can see your point whereby I shouldn't have to do that.
  • maman
    maman Posts: 28,491
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    Hi everyone

    To clear the situation and put it under the carpet, I contacted the dealership this morning to say why would they need my sort code and account number. It turns out he wanted to make me a financial guarantor, but this declined when running a credit search. Therefore, he would have to pay for his car independently since my credit check failed, as did my mum's.

    I think they do this before I need to sign a deceleration form. Anyway, good news is that nothing will be taken from my bank account.

    Thank you for all your help.
    elsien wrote: »
    I do find trying to use you as guarantor without fully discussing the implications with you, and getting informed consent, completely out of order. That would worry me a lot, because it is very much taking advantage of you.


    I agree it's good that you haven't been set up as a guarantor. I assumed you couldn't be without signing anything but it's good to know.


    It's definitely not good news that your brother (possibly aided/encouraged by your mum) tried to do it without even asking you though.


    I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you have been incredibly naïve in giving him your financial details and even now you don't seem to have realised that it's not 'normal' for someone to ask for your work and credit history without an ulterior motive. You really need to take more care.


    I think in your position I'd go into the bank and tell them what's happened. You could set up a new account (with a new account number) or even switch to a different bank. Then keep this new one completely private.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    The shocking thing (at least to me) is that your brother - possibly with the collusion of your Mum - intended to take advantage of you financially.

    I think this puts you in a very vulnerable position.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,077
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    maman wrote: »
    I agree it's good that you haven't been set up as a guarantor. I assumed you couldn't be without signing anything but it's good to know.


    It's definitely not good news that your brother (possibly aided/encouraged by your mum) tried to do it without even asking you though.


    I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you have been incredibly naïve in giving him your financial details and even now you don't seem to have realised that it's not 'normal' for someone to ask for your work and credit history without an ulterior motive. You really need to take more care.


    I think in your position I'd go into the bank and tell them what's happened. You could set up a new account (with a new account number) or even switch to a different bank. Then keep this new one completely private.

    Sometimes things are left best said than unsaid, therefore your sentiments on me being incredibly naive on giving my bank and work details, I do have a habit of doing things before thinking of the implications that would be involved and for that, I'm truly an idiot and will make myself more self-aware in the future.
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