silent treatment

freda · 10 October 2016 at 10:09PM

Have only scanned 1st and last post, so ignore if not applicable. IME, silent treatment from oh to me was due to undiagnosed depression. I only know this retrospectively though, and the.emotional repercussions for me are on going over 3 years later.

skintmostofthetime · 19 October 2016 at 1:11PM

Thanks for all the comments... some more helpful than others! Yes was husband, silence IS used to bully, I can see that. Splitting up ... may come to that, depression .. yes probably but he will not admit it and will DEF not take anything... could be caused by morphine due to 6 operations in 5 years but been off that for at least 3 years now. 'Things' don't work as they used too ... ! So he does get p****d off about that... and I no longer feel that I should be the one to instigate affection all the time. I am more concerned now about other things he does... Willy waving being one.... in our back garden but if he gets seen and reported.. do I deny knowing or what? Latest today was due to not being to park outside a hospital. I was driving. Got my bag thrown at me. I said to take the car and park where he could and then come and find me inside. He find me but only to give me the keys then sat outside for the hour it took. Then ignored me all way home, and is now shut away in bedroom. Ho hum. Will be a quiet day.
Been together for 30 years but only this bad for last few. Did he hide it well or have I just got more aware?
Cheers to all.

AylesburyDuck · 19 October 2016 at 2:27PM

skintmostofthetime wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments... some more helpful than others! Yes was husband, silence IS used to bully, I can see that. Splitting up ... may come to that, depression .. yes probably but he will not admit it and will DEF not take anything... could be caused by morphine due to 6 operations in 5 years but been off that for at least 3 years now. 'Things' don't work as they used too ... ! So he does get p****d off about that... and I no longer feel that I should be the one to instigate affection all the time. I am more concerned now about other things he does... Willy waving being one.... in our back garden but if he gets seen and reported.. do I deny knowing or what? Latest today was due to not being to park outside a hospital. I was driving. Got my bag thrown at me. I said to take the car and park where he could and then come and find me inside. He find me but only to give me the keys then sat outside for the hour it took. Then ignored me all way home, and is now shut away in bedroom. Ho hum. Will be a quiet day.
Been together for 30 years but only this bad for last few. Did he hide it well or have I just got more aware?
Cheers to all.

Whats Willy waving? He likes walking around outside naked? Or is he trying to expose himself to others?
Were you driving when he threw your bag at you? Either way he'd have been either apologising or walking home.

166million · 21 October 2016 at 7:21PM

Might he have early dementia?

JoJoB · 21 October 2016 at 8:45PM

The "willy waving" is an extra concern, which makes it difficult to ascertain exactly what is going on with his mental health, but whatever it is, exposing himself in public is a serious issue and not normal behaviour.

In regard to the silent treatment there are various degrees of this, Some are relatively understandable personality traits, but some veer on personality disorders. I have a friend who's marriage is breaking up because of the latter, who's husband does this for weeks on end, complete avoidance reflected in his avoidance of other things in life such as social events, developing a career, learning to drive, spending time with family etc.

Look at the bigger picture, is the silent treatment a thing on its own or part of a bigger picture of avoidance and distortion of thinking?

FBaby · 22 October 2016 at 8:34AM

The silent treatment seems more like the outcome of a very damaged marriage than a problem of its own.

You both sound very unhappy together. Do you still love him?

Elinore · 22 October 2016 at 8:55AM

I go for the silent treatment. The OH and I are both really laid back so arguments are really rare. We ave one every 7 years lol

This being said, if i get my dander up i go from sweet, pleasant and chilled to a massive thundering temper - huge. I mean erupting volcano type of outburst - made all the suprising as i am normally very quiet and gentle.

So massive that it takes a while for me to simmer down. I am not talking the days or weeks people on here have mentioned but a day or so.

I love my wonderful OH and wouldn't want to say the nasty horrible things that rise to the surface when my temper is raging - its not fair or right. but my temper has a itchy trigger finger for a few days.

So i shut up and avoid until the lid is back on the box.

As we are adults we can talk about it later so he knows this is my coping mechanism, its not a punishment or a rebuke.

(he sulks, really sulks - uggh. Luckily, as said before its rare we argue - thank goodness as it brings out the worst in both of us)

silent treatment

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