Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

mindwave · 29 February 2012 at 9:13AM

All I have to say to this is use your common sense.

me_me20 · 29 February 2012 at 9:17AM

crank_girl wrote: »

I never get why married people have separate finances. My partner and I have one current account into which our salaries are paid and bills debited from. We have separate savings accounts to take advantage of tax-free savings but understand that what belongs to one also belongs to the other. We're a team and both contribute equally to the success of our household. That one earns more than the other should not be regarded as a larger contribution.

Well said!!! Something along the lines of "all that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you" in the marriage vows!

happyclayton · 29 February 2012 at 9:18AM

Interesting thread. We've always gone for the approach of pooling our total earnings, then agreeing the budget together from there, including being given equal amounts of "discretionary money" each, to do with as we wish. The only exception we make is that if one of us gets a pay rise, they get the "extra" pay as extra spending money for the first month - although even that we haven't really done the last couple of years, as money has been rather tight.

I'm mainly posting, though, as I'm very interested to see how common the pool-it-and-share-it approach is. I know people that it DOESN'T work for, so it is fascinating to see how many people have found, like us, that it DOES work for them.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing.
Ben

duchy · 29 February 2012 at 9:30AM

My "first" MIL had an approach that completely shocked me as I was used to my parents pooling it approach.

My FIL worked fulltime on a moderate but nowhere near exceptional wage-My MIL worked part time. FIL paid all the bills and also gave MIL housekeeping. She saved every single penny of her wages-in her own account (they had 4 kids 2 working 2 still at school) she spent not a penny of "her" money on the children-treats , shoes, holidays -everything came out of housekeeping. When she had enough she bought a brand new car-small one not big enough for the family -and used it purely for herself-Dad's car was for taking the kids anywhere -and she didn't want to put any mileage on HER car. I really didn't "get it" at all and it left me with a horror of "his money/her money" arrangements.

However it seemed to work for them <shrug>

last_emperor · 29 February 2012 at 9:38AM

in general, i agree with most other posters who say that finances should be fully combined for the average married couple. my wife and i did this a few years ago, and although there has been the odd "animated discussion" about expensive handbags/sports equipment, it's been a positive move.

we both have a joint credit card and personal cards. these are paid out of the joint account, but the other person can't view statements, so surprise gifts etc are not a problem.

however, the above approach may not be right for everyone. the key point is that any financial arrangement (whether you're married/ a couple/ housemates/ whatever) like this needs to be agreed between all people involved.

clearly you are unhappy with the current arrangement, so you need to discuss with your partner a different approach. there is no definite answer here - it will be different for each couple, but you have to find the middle ground where both are happy.

although a discussion/argument might be difficult in the short term, it will be better to get it sorted than to find yourself 10 years down the line, full of resentment for the person you love over money.

System · 29 February 2012 at 9:41AM

You have to work out what works for you as a couple.

Before we got married hubby and I had our own totally seperate accounts and he gave me 'rent' money each month to pay for his share of the mortgage and bills (I owned the house in my name). I used to pay for everything out of my wages and put his 'rent' money into my savings.

When we got married and bought a house together we decided that that approach would not work and we got a joint account. Both of us put a set amount each into the account each month to cover the mortgage, food and bills plus a bit extra for emergencies. This amount was recalculated on a 6 monthly basis. We both put the same amount of money into the account even though he earns about 30% more than me.

The money we have left is our own money to put into savings and spend on what we like. This approach has worked well for us as I don't begrudge him spending money on gadgets and he doesn't mind my book obsession.

The situation has changed slightly now as I've been made redundant, and while I am happy to put my monthly money into the joint account from my savings the other half won't let me, as he doesn't want me to use up my savings money.

tanith · 29 February 2012 at 9:49AM

me_me20 wrote: »

Well said!!! Something along the lines of "all that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you" in the marriage vows!

Unless you happen to marry someone who is totally useless where money is concerned. Not their fault but they just can't manage money and having separate accounts at least means that one half of the partnership can keep track and be able to pick up the financial pieces should it be necessary.

As has been said not all marriages have two people who are financially savvy, those who think its unthinkable to have separate finances have not experienced the fallout from a spendthrift partner..:eek:

Alistair_4208 · 29 February 2012 at 9:58AM

This is utterly ridiculous! :mad: I don't really need to add anymore to this as it has all been said before. Coming to a forum to ask advice first is utterly bonkers! Speak to him. I pay more than my wife as I earn more. This is right for us. It may be different from others as they will be doing what is right for them.
Speak to your hauband!! Perhaps he doesn't even realise you have an issue with it as he pays for meals and nights out.

As Martin says;.. communication is key!

bennett2kuk · 29 February 2012 at 10:00AM

I earn a fair amount more than my wife and for years we were paying the same amount into our joint account which covers all of our bills. I agreed that as I earned more it wasn't fair to pay equal shares so I increased my payments by £100 and she decreased her's by £100.
I'm slightly worse off but most of our remaining money was pooled into savings anyway so we're happier this way. Yes I think it's fair to proportion your payments depending on your earnings.

cazpost · 29 February 2012 at 10:00AM

Every couuple has a system that works well for them. The important thing is to talk about it with each other and sort out what works best FOR YOU TWO,not what works best for anyone else!
My partner was disabled,unable to work,and when we first met had a reasonable ''income'' from benefits.When we moved in together his benefits were stopped as I earned 'so much money' ( the exact words of the benefit department to me). Obviously that meant I had to pay for absolutely everything,which a lot of my friends and family were horrified by,but if you are a couple you do whatever you need to do.
My mother and step-father constantly argue about money.They have been married about 15 years now ,but my mother still talks about 'her' house,'her money,'his'credit card etc.

Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free