When is infidelity infidelity?
Comments
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seven-day-weekend wrote: »But what if the person with whom you are flirting 'playfully, without serious intention' takes it seriously? Don't you think it is giving out wrong messages?
You're assuming the other person maybe thinking the same as you do, where as they may not be.0 -
Most of us go through periods of weakness and self doubt at times. The last thing we need at that point is someone playing around with our words and feelings.
Open and honest, no playing games all the way for me. No insincerity wanted or appreciated.0 -
seven-day-weekend wrote: »But what if the person with whom you are flirting 'playfully, without serious intention' takes it seriously? Don't you think it is giving out wrong messages?
I've answered that, I think, in #68.
In the end a lot of this (interesting) discussion seems to be about how serious flirting is and the intent behind it. Clearly I (and my circle of friends and acquaintances) have a different take on it than some of the other contributors to this thread. And that may well be because like attracts like. Even my non flirty friends have a smile when they see it going on!
In all honesty I've never seen it go astray badly. No-one goes into it with any thought of anything happening with the person they are flirting with and we are pretty good at knowing where the line is. Others here would appear to be of the opinion that if you are flirting then in your mind there is something further planned.
And some just don't like it - which as someone said earlier is all good if you have a similar minded partner. Not sure how it works if one of you has a different point of view and that's never really been answered. Nor how someone who doesn't like flirting reacts if they see what they perceive as their partner doing that very thing
But - as long as people are happy there is no one right way or wrong way. For me the biggie in a relationship is trust. We trust each other and - as I said we are both flirty - it's not a problem for either of us
I'd like to thank those who have responded to some of our comments. It's good to see things through other's eyes and it's been polite and friendly0 -
I came across this earlier. I think there is quite a bit in it (for some people obviously!)
Marriage and flirting
Healthy flirting in a marriage can help make the relationship stronger by infusing fun and spice. Flirting does not always have to be in the context of being sexual as it can be within the limits of marriage values. Healthy flirting outside marriage means having good interactions and conversations accompanied with harmless teasing but nothing physical. Flirting can also help know yourself, that how interesting and appealing you can be and you can bring your high spirits back home to your spouse which can put the zing back in your marriage. Getting to know someone, having good conversation and sharing a few laughs will only help you and your marriage.
And the paragraph following that one -
"Healthy flirting can be fun but it can be dangerous if you cross lines of decency or even break the ethics and values of marriage. Flirting can be detrimental to a strong relationship or marriage if:
One gets into a physical relationship.
Spends more quality time and finds emotional support in the person.
Any sexual connotations in conversation."0 -
Most of us go through periods of weakness and self doubt at times. The last thing we need at that point is someone playing around with our words and feelings.
Open and honest, no playing games all the way for me. No insincerity wanted or appreciated.
Completely agree.
But I also have big issues around controlling relationships including those where people don't do something for fear of their partner's reaction.
I've had a recent case of this where I know a friend of mine really wants to come out with us - but, because her partner doesn't want to do it she won't be coming along0 -
And the paragraph following that one -
"Healthy flirting can be fun but it can be dangerous if you cross lines of decency or even break the ethics and values of marriage. Flirting can be detrimental to a strong relationship or marriage if:
One gets into a physical relationship.
Spends more quality time and finds emotional support in the person.
Any sexual connotations in conversation."
Of course - which is why it's important to know the boundaries, I quoted the first part because it conforms with how I see healthy flirting.0 -
Your friend should not been doing things his partner wouldn't been happy with of she knew. Does not mean her stance is justified. Still whether she is justified or not is not the issue - anything one does that involves lies u omissions is not right. That's the best test to what is right and what is not. If her demands are not justified he should not been in a relationship with her.Completely agree.
But I also have big issues around controlling relationships including those where people don't do something for fear of their partner's reaction.
I've had a recent case of this where I know a friend of mine really wants to come out with us - but, because her partner doesn't want to do it she won't be coming alongThe word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
Re first post - the name of the thread is not the question which is asked in the first post and both of them are different to commenting on what the female described in op said. She sa8d it was as bad as infidelity and she is entitled to her opinion specially as it likely meant " it hurts the same as if he was physically involved with the person". Wh8ch has nothing to do with definition of infidelity in the context of marriage.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
Your friend should not been doing things his partner wouldn't been happy with of she knew. Does not mean her stance is justified. Still whether she is justified or not is not the issue - anything one does that involves lies u omissions is not right. That's the best test to what is right and what is not. If her demands are not justified he should not been in a relationship with her.
Eh?
He's fully aware of it. There are no lies or omissions. It's simply the case that they won't be coming because he doesn't want to - even though she would really like to be there. And we are talking about a birthday meal - nothing outrageous0 -
I've had a recent case of this where I know a friend of mine really wants to come out with us - but, because her partner doesn't want to do it she won't be coming along
I'd be kicking him to the kerb!
Weekend just gone, myself and my partner spent about 2 hours together in the evenings - I was out with my pals, or he was out with his. However, we had a lazy Saturday morning together to make up for it.
I'm a flirt. My ex couldn't handle it, and it was part of why we split up. My current partner can (probably why he's current!).
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0
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