Dan's desperate dash towards solvency

worriedDan · 25 February 2017 at 8:12AM

Hi everyone,

After posting on the DFW board, I have decided to start a diary. My earlier posts can be found here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5601202

In a nutshell, we 55K in debt with not much to show for it. I have reached a point where something HAS to be done to sort out this awful mess. I do all of our finances and whilst my wife always knew that were in lots of debt, it has only been over the last couple of weeks that I have really started to discuss it with her.

I put together a budget that would realistically allow us to clear the debt in about 3 years. I sat down with m wife and shared it with her. She was fully on board and agrees that we need to clear the debt before we turn 40 ( 3 & 4 years away for us)

I still haven't said "we owe 55K" but I have shared with her the rough payments that we will make and the timescale. All of the statements are also there for her perusal and I offered to make her a list of what we owed - she declined. This was the worst part for me and I feel so much better having opened up our communication. My plan from this point onwards is to keep a check that we are both following our budget. I am also going to sit down with my wife every few months and do an update on how we are doing. I don't want to keep talking about the total balance though. It makes me feel physically unwell. Noone else knows about our debt and our friends and family probably think that we are doing well!

The good news....

We are able to throw about £1750 at our debts each months. Most are 0% so the majority of this comes off the balance. We take home just under 4.5K between us.

We have 13K saved. This is saved with my wife's family ( complicated situation that I won't go into on here) . In theory I suppose that this makes our 55K debt 43K. We are not going to use the money to pay debts, not right now anyway, however the psychology of knowing that the money is there is a real help to me.

I have set our budget so that after all bills and debt payments, we have 200 for food, money to cover diesel, kids clubs, emergency savings and £300 for 'fun' I think that this is realistic and doable. I cannot see a reason why this should fail. This new budget starts from next payday - early next week.

I still can't believe that we owe such a large amount of money. I struggle with the total figure and am desperate for it to go down!!!!

Bobarella · 25 February 2017 at 9:55AM

Good luck Dan. I have read your original thread too. I really hope you can shift your debt and start over. It can be done!

worriedDan · 25 February 2017 at 10:02AM

So the average household debt is 13k! This means that we are 40k+ More indebted than average! It's going to take at least 29 months before we are average!

angelpye · 25 February 2017 at 10:21AM

Look at it that way I can blow another £10K before I am average!...:rotfl:
You have a plan and a budget so its all good to go. I don't know if you have thought of maybe using an app that you can both link to in order to keep the budget 'live'. I am using YNAB and love the mobile app. It has a free month trial but there are others. As I am new to sticking to a budget it has really helped keep me focused and on target without writing everything down.

Good luck!

Treadingonplaymobil · 25 February 2017 at 11:03AM

Good luck Dan, it will all come together in the end. Our debt is bigger than yours, so we are even further over average than you!

worriedDan · 25 February 2017 at 12:39PM

So this morning I brought up the topic of our budget and debts again. My wife mentioned something to do with money so I took the opportunity to bring it up again. I won't go into all details but basically I feel the need to continually apologise to her for our debt situation, even though she has said that she doesn't hold me solely responsible.

She got cross this morning and told me to not keep talking about it - she knows that we're in debt, she knows that we have a new budget to follow and she knows and trusts that I am dealing with it BUT she doesn't want to discuss it everyday!!

I have spent weeks worrying about keeping her properly informed etc and it looks as though she was always quite happy for me to deal with it.

angelpye · 25 February 2017 at 2:49PM

Thats good then! Now you can move forward knowing she is as informed as she wants to be...I think as long as she has had the opportunity to know all, that is key to knowing you are being as open and honest as possible. I guess for your wife she is going through a kind of LBM at the moment too but one that has been given to her rather than one she has come to slowly on her own terms.

I just want to talk about my budget all the time but I am flying solo on this - just so pleased to be finally taking control. The forums are great for sharing the everyday achievements and big wins along the way!

worriedDan · 25 February 2017 at 2:50PM

My wife just apologised to me for snapping earlier although she didn't need to. She has just told me again though that she doesn't want the stress of money conversations each day of the debt is u set control and reducing. I tiinkni have to respect this and calm down a bit!!

Drawingaline · 25 February 2017 at 9:31PM

Welcome Dan!

I too have a partner who isn't interested in the day to day debt busting, happy to leave it to me.

Yes you do have a lot of debt, but you also have the income to really make a dent into it. We owe just under 18k, my husband is out of work and I have a part time wage. So although not as high as yours it is also a very scary prospect which gives me worry!

Good luck with your journey. :T

triple_choc_chip · 26 February 2017 at 11:29AM

Hi Dan
I've commented on your other thread and will subscribe to your diary.

I'm worried that £200 a month may be too tight to feed three for a month. I'm quite strict with my budget and it's £50 a week for two peops, including cleaning stuff (and a bottle of wine

). That would of course be £250 on a 5 week month.
Maybe you could start with a figure considerably lower than the average monthly spend to date and from there reduce further each month. Don't set yourselves up to fail on month one; you don't need a knock-back, you need the feeling of having it under control.

worriedDan · 27 February 2017 at 7:57PM

So last night my wife asked me what was wrong. She has noticed that I have been looking stressed and preoccupied over the last couple of weeks. I totally broke down and told her how awful I felt about the debt and my inability to manage our money properly.

She was wonderful and reassuring. One of my fears was that she would leave me if she knew how bad our debts were. I now know that this is totally not the case.

I was open with her about how I find it difficult to share the total figure with her, that it makes me feel physically ill and shaky. She told me to stop thinking about the bottom line and to focus on the repayment plan that she knows I have put in place. at one point I started talking about balances and she stopped me and said " lets not talk numbers - it stresses you out and I don't need to know". We discussed this as being a 3 year journey and I told her that we need to pay off around 10K every 6 months. I am sure she has done the calculations!

She is totally on board with the budget and talked about additional ways of cutting costs etc. We have agreed that we will just get on with it now and not keep having stressy conversations. I have told her that I will keep her updated along the way, but that we will definitely sit down again this time next year and look at the progress that we have made.

I am not naive enough to think that this is the end of the debt stress, but I certainly feel more open and secure about it all.

Dan's desperate dash towards solvency

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