Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

brizzledfw · 15 November 2013 at 2:28AM

Take care EE xxx

Is there someone in RL you can offload onto and work out what you want to do? 15 years is a long time ,

Eager_Elephant · 15 November 2013 at 8:41AM

Having read some other threads this morning I realise what a self-absorbed rant I had last night and I apologise.

There is so much devastation in the world at the moment and I care that my DH has brought a cat home and ruined my kitchen.

I really need to get a grip and sort myself out.

Unfortunately Brizzle I have no one to talk to - I think I mentioned before that my best friend is fed up of my DH and we have agreed that when we meet up we don't mention him.
I don't have any other really close friends to tell and I certainly would not tell my family.

debtfreewannabe321 · 15 November 2013 at 9:02AM

Oh EE ((((hugs)))) come to me for a cuppa and a slice of cake you can moan as much as you like

I hope that you feel a little better for offloading,, as you know i've had similar problems with mine! My mother was in an abusive marriage for 22 years (physically violent/mentally abusive) and I had to tell her to leave him so many times it was unreal. All she kept saying was I want to stay until your sister is 18. She left him when my sister was 13 in the end she just couldn't hack it any longer. It was the best thing she did, honestly. And with no more arguments in the house it was so much nicer.

I don't know if you meditate but that's when I seem to have most of my LBM about everything (not just money) and it also controls my temper (agnus isn't good enough to do that when my blood is boiling

)

If you ever want a chat feel free to pm me, and I hope you can rehome the cat very soon! Not sure where you are exactly but my friend here has a local page on fb that helps rehome cats/dogs so I can post a link for you if you'd like?

xx

Eager_Elephant · 27 December 2013 at 8:18PM

Gosh it's been ages and I've had no one to talk to

I come on every day but did not want to keep posting negative things all the time.

Well today is my birthday and what a $hite day I am having

.
Basically as we have no money DH has not got me a present (although I did tell him not to and I will get some perfume when I can afford it - hmmm never:rotfl:) but that's not the point, as his birthday is mid year there is no demands on our money so he gets presents to open:mad:
Plus he has been sick (probably linked to the tiny piece of quiche he had yesterday that he did not know had onion in:eek:) so he has been asleep on the sofa for the last few hours while I have cooked tea (normally the birthday person gets to choose what to have and everyone else gets takeaway but as we are skint and I would regret spending money we don't have on taleaway I have cooked).
DS and DD have had tea with me at the kitchen table, they gobbled the food down and asked to leave the table - leaving me alone with my food reading the TV Times:rotfl:(I've got to laugh otherwise I would cry) and now I am up here wanting to cry but I can't.
(I did cry earlier when DH gave me his card, it was so thoughtful but then I took my Agnus which I missed yesterday and now I want to cry I can't:rotfl:)

Anyway I am waiting for 8pm when Come Dine With Me Xmas Special is on - christ what an exciting life I lead.

Anyway enough moping from me - my next post will be money related:T

Eager_Elephant · 27 December 2013 at 8:26PM

So DH's job finished end of October but he was still due some pay end of November but when he received it, it was only the last 3 days he had worked and no holiday pay so no money to go in Xmas savings:eek:

I checked the annual leave calendar and it looks like he is due 4 days holiday pay, he emailed his old boss and HR but no one has replied yet. HR person is off sick currently. The email has not been acknowledged but I hope they pay him soon.

DH has signed on for JSA and as he is disabled he only has to look for part time work but with all the appts (at the Jobcentre) he has been having it is costing us a fortune!!

At least it is £71.70 per week coming in.

My Tax Credits have reduced right down and now I would be eligible for Housing Benefit but I am not sure whether to claim it or not??
I know this is daft coming from a Money Adviser but I am contracted to work with my local authority and I always do benefit appeals etc and I would hate for them to look down their nose at me for claiming HB.
It works out at about £25pw but I am not sure if I would rather find that money from elsewhere?
I am sure they wouldn't care as when I used to work for an LA loads of part time staff claimed HB and I am sure they have better things to talk about than me:rotfl:

Anyway Xmas was paid for mainly on a credit card:mad::mad::mad:. I am so :mad: because last year we managed without credit cards but of course this year the blinkin cat cost me £385 which came from the Xmas pot.

Anyway we spent less on the kids this year than we have ever done and they were still really pleased - now I can see how much we have wasted over the years:eek:.
DD has her birthday next week and you will recall she wanted an ipad - well I have got her a Kindle Fire (read back prev posts and saw that DFW got her son one and he was chuffed so fingers crossed).

The Xmas food shop was £223:eek: and then fruit/veg was £40 and too be honest on the actual day itself we used food worth about £20:rotfl:. To be fair some of the stuff was pasta/rice/tinned food etc so I am hoping it will see me through the month.

Also I did not pay my rent in full on 1/12 and I have spent most of my wages so won't be able to pay my rent in full on 1/1 either:eek::mad:
I am so angry - we used to do this years ago, miss the rent to buy Xmas presents and I thought we had stopped.

The problem was that the gardener who cuts our hedges on our field also came and trimmed the conifers and then gave us an invoice for £150 which he wanted before Xmas plus we decorated our lounge and had to buy a carpet and have it fitted - such a stupid idea at Xmas but DS' GF was supposed to be visiting and I was worried what she might think - in the end she dumped him before mid-Dec anyway :rotfl::mad:

So this month will be living on next to nothing and living out of the store cupboards and I will keep a spending diary on here and hope that I can pay off my rent asap.

The rest of the house needs finishing but that will have to wait - most of the stuff from the lounge is in my bedroom which resembles a charity shop and we don't want it back in the lounge so it will all need sorting - hopefully we will be able to sell some bits.

Will be back later with the balance of my bank accounts to start my spending diary

beanielou · 27 December 2013 at 8:31PM

Sending happy birthday thoughts your way

For what it is worth I think you should claim HB.
100 per month is a lot of money :eek:
Who cares what they think~you are only claiming what you are due.

Eager_Elephant · 27 December 2013 at 8:40PM

beanielou wrote: »

Sending happy birthday thoughts your way
For what it is worth I think you should claim HB.
100 per month is a lot of money :eek:
Who cares what they think~you are only claiming what you are due.

Oh hi Beanie - thanks for popping in.

I have added to my post now - DD needed me so I had to post what I had typed and then come back to it:rotfl:

I do agree with the idea of who cares what people think but as you can see by my added bit of post I clearly do worry otherwise I wouldn't have had to decorate the house before DS's GF was due to come round :rotfl::rotfl:

God I could cry at myself sometimes - I think it is because at school I was called a Pauper as my parents lived (and still do) in a council house but my Dad has always worked and we were probably poor compared to some but we always had what we needed.
I think I need to prove that I am doing ok for myself and claiming benefits from the local authority goes against that (interestingly the only benefits my parents claimed was Child Benefits and Tax Credits (as they were). I am fine with claiming these benefits as I won't know the person in the department :rotfl:

Get a grip woman!!!

Piquant_2 · 27 December 2013 at 9:53PM

Right Missus, you would every last one of us to claim any benefit we were entitled to, wouldn't you? What other people think is inconsequential. Needs must.

I think you are tired and worn down, that's why things are so hard for you at the moment. I have no way of making it easier for you, I wish I had, just keep posting here. Your friends in the box will try and help you through the rough times. That is, after-all, what friends are for

Happy birthday, by the way :bdaycake:I am raising a virtual glass of wine in your direction!

Piq x

Floxxie · 27 December 2013 at 10:51PM

I've just spent a couple of hours reading your entire diary and wow what a woman! Belated happy birthday - yours are much like mine. Like you, I spent many years in an abusive marriage although I didn't get the full picture until he left. Interesting that you use the term nark in describing your OH...have you looked up narcissists? Mine is covert so everyone thinks he is great and charming: they didn't see how he slowly destroyed me and how I cried every night to myself.

Anyway, enough about my previous woes...you are doing great keeping it all together although I think decisions will have to made on certain matters soon.

Eager_Elephant · 28 December 2013 at 10:23AM

Floxxie wrote: »

I've just spent a couple of hours reading your entire diary and wow what a woman! Belated happy birthday - yours are much like mine. Like you, I spent many years in an abusive marriage although I didn't get the full picture until he left. Interesting that you use the term nark in describing your OH...have you looked up narcissists? Mine is covert so everyone thinks he is great and charming: they didn't see how he slowly destroyed me and how I cried every night to myself.

Anyway, enough about my previous woes...you are doing great keeping it all together although I think decisions will have to made on certain matters soon.

Bless you Floxxie - you must have been bored to want to read my diary:rotfl:

I often look up the definition of narcissist and scarily I think it is me:eek::mad::eek:
My DS would say that I only ever think of myself and what others think (the bit about others is true):rotfl:

Then I think that maybe it is me who is abusive to my DH - I am ashamed to admit I often call him names especially when he has annoyed me:(

I think it is just one huge abusive marriage interspersed with good sex:(

The problem with my DH is that he had a really bad life (well up until he was 18 and met me:rotfl:) and I think this has affected him mentally and that is why he is like he is.
He was sexually abused by his brother when he was 5 and he was physically/emotionally/mentally abused by his mother all his life (until he left to live with me) - it's no wonder he has had depression since he was 16.

Xmas is always a difficult time for him and he is more down than usual - when he was growing up he had to wrap his own presents so he never had any surprises, his mum used it as an excuse to drink more plus his Dad's birthday is also the same as mine (his Dad passed away 17 years ago).
Sometimes I wish we could bypass Xmas completely but then it is not fair on the kids.

I also think DH has issues with showing love - his MUm and Dad 'loved' each other but his Mum would attack his Dad on a daily basis (he used to work and she stayed at home to drink) and then his Dad would smack his Mum in retaliation and DH would hide in his room til it was all over. If that is how you are brought up then you must be pretty confused about showing love etc and I ofetn wonder if this is why DH was a twit in the past about other women etc:(

Anyway we carry on as we are for now and will see what happens.

Thanks for posting Floxxie and talking about your own experiences.

Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

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