children, ADHD and DLA..do you receive it & what do you use it for?

lolly1981 wrote: »

im still in 2 minds about this...ive been reading other threads where other people are saying that the money being used by the parents is abuse!

Why? The parents have probably paid a whole load of money out of their own money for their child, it goes into my bank account, there is no pot. If I pay for his swimming when my CA comes in and buy shopping when his DLA comes in, am I using his money on shopping??

Of course not and I am sure it happens in many other families too.

I recently spent £30 on fiddle toys as the school said he could have them in class - 1 day later they told me that he can no longer have them as he chews them and it can spread germs. Not impressed!!

Oh and shoes, he get's through shoes like you would not beleieve and they have to be 'fitted ' shoes as his feet are very slim. I need another pair - 3 pairs since October - all the same size though!

Think is lolly, you have to declare it. Say he smashed something up in a hotel and hurt himself or jumped from something and broke a leg. You have to be honest as some insurers might not pay out if it was due to the ADHD. I could not believe the difference, I am dreading going to the USA and getting travel insurance for that.

You want to get a book called 'All Dogs Have ADHD' and leave it around the house for people to pick up when they visit. You can get it on Amazon and leave it around the house - everyone who comes in picks it up and looks at it and it helps explain why he is like he is and gives people understanding without you 'lecturing' them. It just helps people understand without them having to ask. I also have 'All Cats Have Aspergers' and that is very good too.

Hi Lolly

Try not to worry too much about the future at the moment. your son needs help now. If you can use DLA to send him to Scouts that is really going to benefit him. think of the other activities that you would otherwise be unable to fund ie. swimming lessons, drama is a good one, but can be very expensive, horse riding.

all the 'extras' that DLA has paid for for my son has helped him immensely so hopefully as he gets older he will be able to play a much fuller part in society and hopefuly not rely on benefits all his adult life.

I agree about it being family money. When he was little and his sister younger the DLA funded horse riding lessons for her as well. Why should it not? She suffered a lot growing up due to DS's behaviour and it would have seemed very wrong if he was the only one of the children to enjoy treats and extra activities (especially because of his behaviour!). For years as a family we had no 'normal' family life. I had to give a good well aid job to be around more, (it paid for a couple of hours cleaning when I was working more so as I could spend more family time at weekends).

Holidays have really benefited him, and the rest of the family but BM is right they tend to cost more. We can't do last minute deals as everything has to be planned as DS can't deal with the unexpected. We have no choice but to pay extra to get seats together. Heaven help us if DS had to sit next to a stranger. Certain accomodation is not suitable (too long to go into!)

Blue monkey, I'd totally forgotten about the clothes thing. The problem with these kind of disabilities is that you just start to think of everything as normal, cause it is to you.

I've read some of the posts on here where people have accused parents of 'profiteering'. I think they are cruel. Yes, it probably does happen but it certainly doesn't seem like you would do that and I think it's the exception rather than the rule. Most parents only want what is best for their kids and have other family members needs to take into acount as well.

Myself and OH were talking about this the other day. When DS is 16 and gets this money to himself we will ask for some to cover the extra cost of electric (he has loads of electrical equipment) and internet, he downloads a lot so had to get a more expensive package, and a little something towards his fussy food eating (we think it's only fair to do this as he nees to realise that it costs money to live, if we let him keep it all he would not be learning anything). Out of the rest he is going to have to pay for all the outgoings that we take care of at the minute. clothes, memberships to various clubs, activities, magazine subscriptions, dvd subscriptions etc. We have worked out that we will not be financially worse of.

So, i've calmed down a bit about teling him when he is 16, i think he may get a shock when he realises just how expensive he is :eek:

I agree with what others have said about the money going into the family pot -in that respect and at his age it's not "his" money, it's yours to help meet his additional needs as a child within your family.
The confusion maybe arises when children get older and the family keep the money to spend on themselves, instead of helping the person to draw up a budget which balances their obligations (like rent and electric) with the "nice stuff." It was quite common in a carer's group I used to attend for families to say their grown-up child couldn't possibly leave home to live independently as the family couldn't afford to do without the extra money if they left. In which case they were clearly abusing the situation.
But that's not you and your situation - you need the money to help your son live a normal life and to give you some help to do that in whichever way is best for you and yours. Your son is 7 and you are doing what all parents do. So don't worry about what other people think, do what is best for all of you.