Dating in your mid 30's

Pay_me · 10 June 2017 at 9:02PM

So, approaching my mid 30's and single after splitting from a long term partner end of last year.

Been trying to get back out there to find potential new romantic partners and have absolutely no idea how to in my current situation.

When I was younger it was a lot easier grab a mate or two go for a few drinks. It is how I met now ex.

My current situation is that I have no mates up for the nights out anymore everyone is married, kids etc. Catchups are few and far between and usually involve quite group meals and early nights. It isn't helped that I have no mates close to me (well I have one in the same town but he is happy in a relationship and doesn't drink). All my other closest mates are now spread across the country with the closest being about 90miles away. Life, work and relationships took us all in different directions over the last 10 years.

I joined the crazy world of online dating and that is turning in to a disaster 4 months on Tinder and not a single match. 4 months on Match.com and Pof and not a single conversation of any worth. I admit I am not the most photogenic nor am I a hunk but I am not a disaster zone either!! I have let female friends in work tweak my profiles, pick photos, send messages etc. all in the hope I can get a break but nothing.

I recently joined a few clubs to get out of the house, gym classes, hobbies everyone is significantly younger or older, where are the 28-35 year olds hiding these days?

So anyone in the same boat? anyone have any ideas as to how I can improve my chances? How I wish I was in my early 20's again it was so easy back then!!

Cheers

Browntoa · 10 June 2017 at 9:10PM

I did volunteering , meant I met new people who were more my age

cullet · 10 June 2017 at 9:13PM

If I can date in my late sixties without back up from mates then so can you.Cast your net wide and don't be in too much of a hurry.Your new partner is out there go find her !

Pay_me · 10 June 2017 at 9:21PM

cullet wrote: »

If I can date in my late sixties without back up from mates then so can you.Cast your net wide and don't be in too much of a hurry.Your new partner is out there go find her !

Thats the problem I am having, casting the net.

The back up from mates was the easy days as in early 20's go for a drink meet other people and so on.

After breaking up I found just how small my social circle had become and how hard it has become to increase my social circle again. I have joined clubs, joined gym classes, met up with strangers to do like minded hobbies and activities etc. Last week as an example I went hillwalking with a local group I found on meetup everyone was either 19/20/21 or 55+.

Pay_me · 10 June 2017 at 9:39PM

Browntoa wrote: »

I did volunteering , meant I met new people who were more my age

Will take a look at what opportunities are available around my way. I am open to expanding horizons and rebuilding my social circle it is all linked.

UKTigerlily · 10 June 2017 at 11:33PM

Oh well, if it gets that bad i'll probably still be available lol x

Pay_me · 10 June 2017 at 11:49PM

UKTigerlily wrote: »

Oh well, if it gets that bad i'll probably still be available lol x

I'm guessing you are having difficulties on the dating scene also?

Geoff1963 · 11 June 2017 at 12:16AM

Don't worry too much about socialising in the wrong age group. It may well be that one of those you meet has a friend / relative near your age, and invites them along to try and pair you off. Meeting your partner's parents is important, but no rule says you have to meet your partner first.

I'd suggest, in parallel with everything else, keeping up the social practice ; making small talk with the target gender ( shop assistants etc. ) so that you remain "fluent". When the right person comes along, you are less likely to trip over your tongue ; and that may even be the way you find them. When you are having a conversation with them, it is easier to be talking with the public. In "Play Misty For Me", Clint Eastwood and a barman play a strange game, until a female customer becomes curious and starts trying to follow it ; Clint offers her a drink, and when she says yes, the game suddenly ends.

How about a running club ? You might meet your new partner there, or at an event.

The trick of course is to look in the places, where the sort of person you want to meet, is more likely to be. As with most "quests", finding the goal is no good if you can't keep it.

[Deleted User] · 11 June 2017 at 9:44AM

Pay_me wrote: »

I recently joined a few clubs to get out of the house, gym classes, hobbies everyone is significantly younger or older, where are the 28-35 year olds hiding these days?

Cheers

Nail on the head.

I know I'm the top end of this bracket, but working odd and awkward hours. It just wouldn't be fair to anyone, then it just isolates you before you know.

Bet it happens when you least expect it.

Though there is someone where I work different date practically each week, often want to enquire where they get the stamina. That said there is a child in the mix so perhaps they find it easier to be out there.

mariposa687 · 11 June 2017 at 9:57AM

I'm the same, I'm 29 and have wanted to get back dating. My experience with Tinder is not great. Few matches, I was texting one guy who then asked me out for coffee, I said yes and asked when, he said he was looking forward to it which was odd as we hadn't set a date or time. Then he texted me the following day asking how I was etc. It was like he'd forgotten all about it which was really odd. Shame because he seemed good looking from his pictures and the conversation had been decent to that point. I stopped talking to him after that.
I didn't find Match that good, there just weren't that many guys on there that I'd go for. The other thing is that where I live it is normal to settle down young so a lot of single guys have kids already and I won't date anyone who has kids.

The trouble with the gym is that nobody really talks to each other there. I hear of other people in my area going on dates and I really wonder where they found someone to go out with!

WibblyGirly · 11 June 2017 at 10:05AM

I'm 28, I'm not single but when I was I used pof (which is where I met my partner). I found alot of guys on there kind of creepy though. A few were nice and could hold a decent conversation but many would just message with a few words or a huge paragraph!
Also as I'm 28, I personally wouldn't search for guys older than 32. Maybe expand your age brackets? Do the women have to be your age or younger? There could be a really amazing 36 year old out there

Good luck with the search! Keep going with groups you enjoy, if your happy on your own then I think it makes getting a partner much easier as people are attracted to happy people

Dating in your mid 30's

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