Reconciling with estranged family

Cupcake_Returns
Cupcake_Returns Posts: 88 Forumite
First Post
in Marriage, relationships & families
This week has hit me hard

My sister who I have estranged from for 3 years has been caught up in Grenfell. She teaches in the local school, lives just four streets away, knows many of the residents


At the same time my sister in law is taken into hospital having her breast removed due to breast cancer. She is estranged from her two sisters. She's a long road ahead of her without her sisters


The past years have just flown by. We all have busy lives, very rarely do I have time to reflect on the fact that we sisters haven't spoken. However this week it's really hit me that she is my sister and I do love her


I don't want to talk about why we stopped talking, it's done,what I am asking is has anyone been in this position and managed to build bridges? And how?

i don't need a hard time over this, just seeking others experiences really
«13

Comments

  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    I cannot imagine being estranged from my sisters - but I do understand that things happen. I think my gut instinct would be just to phone - let her know that you are thinking of her, that you love her - and would like to have more contact with her. And hope that she would feel the same.

    Good luck - life can be short - and events such as those this week make us realise just how quickly time goes by.
  • consumers_revenge
    consumers_revenge Posts: 3,545 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post First Anniversary
    Haven't really spoken to my sister in 10 years except when mum died and later dad having pacemaker emergency fitting.

    Once dad goes will probably never see again. Shame in many ways but she's even fell out with 2 of her 3 grown up kids, who I still talk to.

    Someone once said 'just cause you started out in the same life boat does necessarily mean you will be friends for life' sometimes people just end up strangers.

    But as the other poster says you could just ring them, you never know.

    Good luck.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    Someone I know had no contact with her sister for many years and then out of the blue received a letter from her asking to meet up.

    It worked out and they now see each other.

    I would reach out to your sister through whatever means you have (phone, email?).
    The worst that can happen is that she either ignores your olive branch or tells you to do one.
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic First Post
    I too know two sisters who didn't speak for years.

    Then out of the blue one rang the other and said she wanted to talk to her. The sister who had been rung came to me (I am her cousin by marriage), very suspicious and defensive and said to me 'what does she want?' in a very aggressive way.

    I said maybe she just wanted to bury the hatchet after all these years and suggested meeting in a public place so that if the meeting didn't work out, she could just walk away.

    They met, and it turned out the sister who had rung had just got over a mild heart attack, faced her own mortality and wanted to put things right between them. There were tears, and then hugs and kisses on both sides.

    This was about five years ago. They are still firm friends.

    OP, Contact your sister in a way suitable for you, and take it from there . Put the past in the past and leave it there. Life is indeed too short.

    I hope it works out for you. Please keep us updated.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • Sam_Fallow
    Sam_Fallow Posts: 923 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Cupcake_Returns wrote: »
    I don't want to talk about why we stopped talking, it's done,what I am asking is has anyone been in this position and managed to build bridges? And how?

    i don't need a hard time over this, just seeking others experiences really

    Just say to them that 'many things have been said and many things have been left unsaid. Let's forget them all and start again from today.'

    I tried this with my estranged birth mother and it worked for nearly half an hour before she put her foot in her mouth again, almost immediately raking over the past again. I haven't spoken to her since.

    Good luck with your sisters.
    I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.
  • Aced2016
    Aced2016 Posts: 293 Forumite
    Just go and see her. You've obviously forgiven her if you feel this way.

    I'm sure she will be happy to see you.

    I cut my mum and sister out my life. I don't regret and never will. They were very draining people and extremely devious and bitter and jealous. I had no time for them in the end. Best thing I ever done. But the fact you want to see her means you should just go for it.
  • cherry123_2
    cherry123_2 Posts: 120 Forumite
    hi,

    my mum didnt speak with her sister for arounfld 10 years or so after my cousin passed away and things got too much for my aunty, my auntie then found out she had found a lump in breast and she rang my mum (my mum is the oldee sister) they spoke and now see each other all the time even though my mum was heartbroke when she stopped talking and a little mad. she just said she is my baby sister and i love her xx good luck
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
    Ive recently net up with my dad and sister after years of virtually no contact.

    Very easy in the end.
  • Clowns_and_Jugglers
    Clowns_and_Jugglers Posts: 52 Forumite
    Cupcake_Returns wrote: »
    This week has hit me hard

    My sister who I have estranged from for 3 years has been caught up in Grenfell. She teaches in the local school, lives just four streets away, knows many of the residents


    At the same time my sister in law is taken into hospital having her breast removed due to breast cancer. She is estranged from her two sisters. She's a long road ahead of her without her sisters


    The past years have just flown by. We all have busy lives, very rarely do I have time to reflect on the fact that we sisters haven't spoken. However this week it's really hit me that she is my sister and I do love her


    I don't want to talk about why we stopped talking, it's done,what I am asking is has anyone been in this position and managed to build bridges? And how?

    i don't need a hard time over this, just seeking others experiences really

    No not really, but there must have been a reason you all stopped talking. Has that reason ceased to exist? Have they (or you) changed their ways?
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Clowns_and_Jugglers wrote: »
    No not really, but there must have been a reason you all stopped talking. Has that reason ceased to exist? Have they (or you) changed their ways?
    There isn't always a specific reason. Just because people are relatives doesn't mean that you have anything in common with them, and want to socialise with them.
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