Both working - fairest way to split the finances.
Comments
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Mr Spouse and me are in the slightly unusual position of earning precisely the same amount of money. We have a joint current account - everything goes into and out of this account. We also have separate savings accounts, but we think of the money in them as 'our' money.
We've never really seen the point of 'you pay for this, I pay for that' - we both enjoy heating and hot water, we both eat food, it makes sense to us that everything should just come out of the one account. But that's what works for us. You have to talk to each other, and work out what works for both of you.No longer a spouse, or trailing, but MSE won't allow me to change my username...0 -
Is it possible you feel resentful about the way your OH has spent money on him/what he wants to do whereas you have deprived yourself of personal items in order to help the household income?We have different spending habits. He spends small amounts constantly. He will buy cheap games on steam a few times a week, he plays squash once a week, runs and is often needing new gear, he plays snooker around once a week and he plays golf in the summer. He always wants to 'pop the shop' and buy pies and chocolate and crap... It just seems like it is constant spending.... even though it might only be a few pound at a time, it drives me insane!!
I tend to by stuff for the home, days out for the family, clothes for the kids with very occasionally a new item of clothing for me.
Thinking about it:
Another reason for the change is that I want my own money. I have never, ever had my own money. We have been together since I was 15, lived together since I was 16 and bought a house, got a car on finance and had our first baby by the time I was 20/21. I want to be able to buy myself some nice clothes without feeling guilty. For many years I have yearned to have my nails done, but could never justify spending the money on myself when we have never had much spare... if it is in the joint account I view it as family money and can't bring myself to spend any of it on myself except on essentials.
Wow - I didn't even realise I felt like that
I understand if it is, but is your OH on board with changing things?0 -
But if he doesn't have any money in his account to spend, then he can't spend it?
He would realise how quickly he runs out of money and give him a nudge.
Also, it would mean that his spending habits won't impact on her money, she will still have her own money to spare.
This is what I am hoping. He isn't currently ever aware of how much is in the bank, he just asks me if he can spend it... or if small amounts (pounds and pence, not big purchases) he just spends it anyway.
I'm hoping that by having to make sure the money lasts he will have to start being more aware of what he is buying. He often forgets what he has even bought and thinks he has spent less than he actually has.Overdraft? Credit cards? payday loans? Surely this will simply allow him to hide his spending problems easier.
It will impact on her when she has to bail him out of high interest rate loans he can't afford and he has a credit rating shot to pieces through not paying bills.
Nah... He isn't sneaky like that. He is completely against credit cards and payday loans. The majority of the debt we have is because of student overdrafts, or overpayments from student loans... We don't have credit cards and as soon as the catalogues are paid off they will be going too. He was annoyed when I opened them, but they served a purpose at the time.I definitely agree that you should have your own money for personal spending OP. You've waited long enough! So, your OH needs to open a bank account of his own and you each agree an amount per month to put in there.
This is the bit that worries me. Do you plan to 'control' the joint account that has all the money but the personal spends in it? If it's your existing joint account is your OH likely to spend from there if his own money runs out? Not sure how you got into debt/why you need to get a grip but is OH likely to run up debt if his money runs out?
For transparency I think that all the salaries should be paid into the joint/household account and then identical DDs set up to transfer your spending money to your personal accounts.
If it feels tidier to you then you could set up savings pots for holidays etc but at the moment I think I'd work on clearing the debt.
Yeah wages will be paid into the joint account with standing order going to our own accounts, his weekly and mine monthly, as that is how we get paid....and no he wouldn't spend from the joint account.
My aim is to have the 2 savings accounts that are linked to it as 'pots' one will be for MOT's/Car repairs and the gas bill. The other will be for kids Christmas and Birthday presents. I have a credit union account that will be for the dog's vet bills. and I am planning on opening a Stocks and shares ISA that will be for long term savings. The holiday I have booked at the moment is on monthly DD, so I will probably just continue to do that for future holidays.0 -
Is it possible you feel resentful about the way your OH has spent money on him/what he wants to do whereas you have deprived yourself of personal items in order to help the household income?
I understand if it is, but is your OH on board with changing things?
Definitely! I definitely feel resentful.
When I initially mentioned it he wasn't happy. It turned into a huge row about me not trusting him and me thinking he was going to waste every penny blah blah.. We didn't get very far.
I left it a few days, apologised for coming across as though I didn't trust him, and tried a slightly different tact. In actual fact I do trust him. He never really spends sneakily and without me knowing.
I said the reason I want it like this is because neither of us will have any time to keep a check on bills and finances once we are both at work. By doing it this way we know that absolutely all the bills are covered and whatever we are spending from our accounts has no impact on the bills.
Anyway, that worked. He agreed and said that sounds perfectly reasonable.
Since then, I have done us a really comprehensive budget which I think covers everything. I have worked out all the figures annually/monthly/weekly and split it in half. It works out ok and we are both happy with the money we will have.
The only thing I haven't yet mentioned, but know he will be on board with, is the ISA savings. I want us to each put £100 a month in there, if we have that left at the end of the month. It might be a case that we can't do the full amount one month or maybe another month we can do more... but this will be our 'moving' fund. As we hope to one day get out of this town.0 -
I'm hoping that by having to make sure the money lasts he will have to start being more aware of what he is buying. He often forgets what he has even bought and thinks he has spent less than he actually has.
People can be brought up short if they make a note, for a month, of every single penny they spend. At the end of the month, work out how much has been spent on coffees, snacks, etc - it's usually a shock. If you multiply it up and see how much is being spent in a year on the different things, it really hits home.
Another option to make yourself more aware is the 'cash diet' - draw out cash and only pay for things with that. There is something much more visceral about handing over real money and seeing the amount in your wallet reducing compared to swiping a card.
If you suggest either of the above, make sure you both do it so that he doesn't feel you're getting at him.0 -
Personally we prefer to keep things separate. Own bank accounts, own houses, pay our own bills, and just visit each other once in a while!
We tend to go approximately 60/40 on incidentals (meals out, tickets etc.). By which I mean I tend to pay around 60% of the time and she pays the other times. We don't keep close tabs on it, we've just developed a feeling of whose turn it is to pick up the next bill.
I have no idea (or interest) in what my OH earns - she seems to be fairly sensible with finances - we are both debt-free with savings.
Our relationship may be a bit unconventional, (and I'm aware some of our married - or divorced friends seem to feel we're doing something "wrong" by not living together and getting wed), but I'll return to the point several others have already made - there is no right or wrong, no rules except those we make for ourselves. Just find something that works for you both and keeps you both happy.
bw
thewoodgnome0 -
After 21 years you're now deciding it's time to split the finances.
I must admit that I can't understand the mind-set of "Yes, I'll share my life, hopes, wishes, kids and experiences with you, but hands off my money".
Ours goes into the joint account, and that's it. It doesn't matter who's earned more/less because we've supported each other over the years as the circumstances changed. When she was at uni, I earned more, now we're in our late 20's she earns more.
I don't begrudge her anything, but if it's a big purchase, we discuss it, rather than just halving the pile and running off with our own share.
I wouldn't have got married if I was terrified that she was going to get her hands on my cash pile and squander it.0 -
I agree with what Getmore4less says.
You have to be able to talk to each other about your finances and plan ahead.
By the way, am I the only one that has noted the MoodyMel and redmel16...0 -
My partner and I pay all bills out of one account and then have a separate account for food shopping, fuel, going out etc. Whatever is left over from our wages, we get to keep. Although we haven't sat down for a while, originally it was a percentage of our wages to make up the bills so each of use was hit the same.
Bills Account
£615 each per month
Fuel, Going Out, Shopping etc.
£500 each per month
Whatever is left over, I or my partner personally keep to themselves for holidays, presents, own things etc.
I used to have a stupidly expensive to maintain car, so we bought cars, services and insurance from our own money.0 -
My wife and I receive our separate wages into our individual bank accounts, and we pay a fixed amount into a Joint account which is meant theoretically to cover utility bills, food shopping, petrol for both our cars, joint Christmas presents, all the costs associated with our 2-year old daughter, etc.
In practice we have to top up the Joint account from time to time, especially to pay for holidays and the pricier items like furniture. The top-ups are meant to be split equally, but in practice I put in about three times more than my wife, as she doesn't earn as much as me and gets very anxious if her savings rate drops below her self-imposed 10% of take-home salary; I diplomatically top up our Joint bank account in the background for the sake of a quiet life.
Our individual bank accounts are used to pay for clothes, personal magazine subscriptions, life insurance policies taken out before we met, personal presents, purchases of books, a new razor, perfume and other items that are really only of interest to ourselves, i.e. not "Joint". This is the "my own money" domain referred to by the OP.
Our individual bank accounts are also used for saving: we watch our outgoings pretty closely and aim to save about 30% of our total after-tax income. My wife is much more financially conservative than me and lacks the time to monitor our Joint bank account or any stock market investments: she is a part-time employee and commutes, whereas I am the director of my own (very small) company and work from home. She therefore just saves cash into a "rainy day" savings account, plus £200 a month into an ISA as a long-term investment to pay for possible private school fees for our daughter, or a piano, or a car, or to help out if we ever move house: anything that requires a lump sum.
I make and manage the bulk of our savings from my earnings. These savings are:
1. Junior ISA: we are saving hard to try and cover our daughter's university fees: £12,000 invested over three years now in investment trusts should grow tax-free and be enough to pay her fees in full in 16 years time.
2. a SIPP made up of investment trusts, to pay off our mortgage and to have an income from the dividends when I retire. I have no intention of buying an annuity and hope to be able to pass the bulk of the pension fund onto my wife or daughter when I die. Three cheers for Pension Freedom!
3. my company also contributes to my personal pension, as this is more tax-efficient than taking dividends or much of a salary.
4. my Personal ISA, again invested on the stock market in investment trusts, to save enough to pay off our mortgage, but hopefully also with something left over for private school fees if we decide to follow that route.
This may sound massively over-prepared to some people, but I have written an 8-page document, a sort of Family Financial Plan. This details our annual income and expenditure, sorted into different categories, and summarises our current capital position and how we are currently tackling the really big issues like paying off our mortgage and our chances of success. I update this document every six months or so and my wife and I discuss progress and our options about once a year. It's something like a Business Plan for a company, but of course it pulls in all sorts of issues like personal taste and ambition, work-life balance, choices over how long to work and so on.0
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