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  • FIRST POST
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 25th Jul 16, 7:16 PM
    • 10,623Posts
    • 68,535Thanks
    Bobarella
    Budget Wars - A New Hope (with apologies to George Lucas)
    • #1
    • 25th Jul 16, 7:16 PM
    Budget Wars - A New Hope (with apologies to George Lucas) 25th Jul 16 at 7:16 PM
    A New Hope is a very fitting title for my first ever DFW diary. For the first time in around 18 months I really have hope. I am one of those people who has always seen September as the start of the year. Because of back to school I suppose. And this year is the first September I can honestly say I am 100% looking forward to in years.

    My situation is complicated but to simplify, I took the enormous step to not only become self employed but to sell my family home to finance my new business in 2011. I turned my back on a very well paid career to go out on my own.
    In that period I have had many challenges. Gone to hell and back owing wages and HMRC. Dont worry the wages were paid back long ago as quickly as I could. And I repaid HMRC.
    The stress of being responsible for other peoples lives is intense if you've never been there. At my lowest point I deactivated my voicemail to avoid the energy company being able to contact me.

    At one point I owed around £40,000 all business related. Primarily on a loan, but some CC.

    Time and again I bashed my head against my mental bars and wondered if I could physically carry on. But I did. Through hell and high waters. Quite literally in fact....

    This last year has not been easy. I worked as the sole employee of my business during my entire pregnancy with DD and went into labour whilst still at work. When my baby was 4 months old I got seriously ill and spent a week in hospital. My lovely FIL was diognosed with the big C 2 months ago. And life has wobbled along precariously as always.

    The reason for my new hope is I finally made a big decision. To stop the business I am running & build another. It wont be easy but it will get me out of the hole I am in & allow me to take on paid employment around the new business. I have 4 days left of my old situation and then good night vienna!

    I love MSE. It and the people of it have been such a comfort. And now I am hoping to use this diary as a place for me to record my baby steps towards a life less stressful, adrenaline filled & chaotic.

    Bob
    Last edited by Bobarella; 25-07-2016 at 7:34 PM.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
Page 90
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 21st Jun 17, 8:15 AM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    A few more patches to your quilt then

    Glad things are picking up x
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity
    Thanks for raising a smile. Might be enough to cover a corner of the bed

    Yay to your latest invoice Bob, fingers crossed this is how the ball will be rolling from now on xx
    Originally posted by mummytogirls
    Thanks
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 21st Jun 17, 8:18 AM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    You should allow yourself to be a "teeny bit pleased". You have work hard for it.
    Originally posted by parsniphead
    Thank you

    We remain good friends with the friends that recommended him but have nothing to do with the person who ran up debts (he also gave away some much treasured vinyl from my husband's record collection). I moved into the flat and became the world's worst housemate. I also made him claim housing benefit for three months. Even so, he left us almost £1500 out of pocket. - I would like to say "but I'm not bitter!" but I can't, because I am. I have found letting it go easier than forgiveness (so I have moved on from what we could have done with that money, to just never saying anything nice if the individual comes up in conversation, because I can never forgive him for abusing the relationship).
    Originally posted by Suffolk lass
    It's hard to forgive and forget isn't it. Far easier said than done. The records must have been so upsetting.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 21st Jun 17, 8:37 AM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Morning All

    Someone who writes a very good blog reminded me (whilst reading the blog) that it's important not to Instagram our lives when writing, as in only focusing on the good bits. People get bored when it just seems so perfect all the time. Equally there shouldn't be too much focus on the negative either because that's just draining and life sucking.

    In the spirit of that, today's entry.

    1. I found out that it's heroin. And spent a very dark evening mood wise. I started to re-examine all the times I had considered the friends behaviour odd, erratic, & borderline unacceptable, prior to the big rip off incident. Equally I felt quite a bit of pain over the fact that I still find myself wanting to tell my friend about snippets of gossip in the world we are both involved in (small biz) & that having been let down by addicts before in my life I can't believe I didn't spot this a mile off in space. So not that's not good.

    2. In further one step forward two steps back, I had two cancellations yesterday & a third which is more of a postponement. But, I have poured energy into all 3. A fourth situation where I am in daily contact with someone who is yet to pay me for work done a couple of weeks back despite knowing my terms, also draining.

    I just feel so much that 'IT' is just too hard.

    3. Our washing machine repair which has already been ongoing since early June was put back by a week yesterday with no notice and I spent precious time on the phone, online chat etc trying to get to the bottom of why they think it's ok to leave (insured) customers with no machine like this. OH also put time into the situation. Its because there are so many parties involved that things are so difficult. Anyway I finally managed to speak to the right person and they said it could be escalated. What a drain on time and energy not least the hand washing of clothes each day.

    4. The glimmer of hope in that gloom feast was a very good conversation with a customer, which was almost lost in the general sh*t storm of yesterday. She has a way of looking at life that is wonderful to listen to & reminded me that self fulfillment is so important. That striving for the situation you want is not easy and no one said it would be. But that material wealth will never feel as good as knowing you are living authentically for you.

    I will continue looking for the light.

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 21st Jun 17, 9:40 AM
    • 3,369 Posts
    • 12,993 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    ((Hugs)) xx

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    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 21st Jun 17, 11:16 AM
    • 2,319 Posts
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    sashybo
    Ah Bob, sorry to hear about your friend & the other not so good stuff.

    Hope your washing machine gets fixed soon, that must be a nightmare with the kids. I can't believe how much washing one wee baby is generating in my house.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8205 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,696.64
    Loans 1 & 2 £6246.99, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 21st Jun 17, 12:37 PM
    • 10,623 Posts
    • 68,535 Thanks
    Bobarella
    ((Hugs)) xx
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity
    Thank you hugs are always welcome.

    Ah Bob, sorry to hear about your friend & the other not so good stuff.

    Hope your washing machine gets fixed soon, that must be a nightmare with the kids. I can't believe how much washing one wee baby is generating in my house.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    How is your lovely new one Sashy? Sorry I haven't been around much. I know! It's been a flipping nightmare. If we'd known it would take so long to fix then we'd have found a good local launderette. But we thought just a couple of days let's bath wash and line dry. As it is we are around day 15 of managing without. But I feel so bad even complaining when there are people with no homes at the moment
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £54.82 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1855 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • emmie26
    • By emmie26 21st Jun 17, 12:47 PM
    • 376 Posts
    • 1,034 Thanks
    emmie26
    Aw bob what a nightmare, addiction is a horrible thing and it affects the people all around the addict, even you, that are not even that close.
    Try and let it go and move on, you are putting positivity out into the world so will come winging back to you soon I'm sure.
    I sat outside the other night thanking my lucky stars for the life I've got, debts, muffin top, weedy borders, the lot, because in the great scheme of things we are some of the luckiest people on the planet. Big hugs xx

    Total Debt: £24,359.79 £23,124
    debt reduced by 5%
    Debt free date: May 2019
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 21st Jun 17, 1:00 PM
    • 509 Posts
    • 4,762 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    Bob, you're having a really difficult time just now. Keep positive. I'm sure things will improve and we'll all be thinking about you and cheering you on.
    NSD 13/12 Weightloss 1.5/48 June Womble £121.36 2017 Wombling total £971.15
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 22nd Jun 17, 6:20 PM
    • 1,282 Posts
    • 15,737 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    I sat outside the other night thanking my lucky stars for the life I've got, debts, muffin top, weedy borders, the lot, because in the great scheme of things we are some of the luckiest people on the planet. Big hugs xx
    Originally posted by emmie26
    Well said emmie26, I echo those sentiments.

    You will be able to let it go Bob, it just takes a while until you stop looking for the signs you missed and the things you should (or could) have done differently. Hindsight is a wonderful thing to reflect on and learn from, but in my experience I have never found any opportunities to go back and do it differently so after identifying any lessons to learn, it is time to look forward again xx
    MFiT T4 #2 update 25.95% after Q5
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    • parsniphead
    • By parsniphead 22nd Jun 17, 6:37 PM
    • 1,883 Posts
    • 12,275 Thanks
    parsniphead
    That's sad news about your friend Bob, let's hope they will beat their demons.

    Bad news about the cancellations but you will turn it around. You prove it time and time again.

    Hugs Bob.
    Pay off debt by Christmas 2017 #22 - £1012.22/£7148.39 14%
    June Grocery Challenge £0/£180
    I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be. Joan Didion
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 23rd Jun 17, 11:57 AM
    • 2,319 Posts
    • 17,974 Thanks
    sashybo
    How is your lovely new one Sashy? Sorry I haven't been around much. I know! It's been a flipping nightmare. If we'd known it would take so long to fix then we'd have found a good local launderette. But we thought just a couple of days let's bath wash and line dry. As it is we are around day 15 of managing without. But I feel so bad even complaining when there are people with no homes at the moment
    Originally posted by Bobarella
    He's lovely most of the time Bob but we're struggling with colic at the moment so not getting a lot of sleep. Trying different things to see what helps - we've propped the Moses basket up at a slight angle as he hates lying flat & are trying baby massage which seems to help a bit. He's getting colic drops as well but poor wee soul still sore.

    Re the washing machine, you don't realise how much you rely on appliances until they break. Our dishwasher went on the blink recently & we were panicking. We never had one until we moved into this house 3 years ago but are so used to it now.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8205 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,696.64
    Loans 1 & 2 £6246.99, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 25th Jun 17, 9:58 AM
    • 75 Posts
    • 346 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    Hope you're doing well, Bob
    Debt Totals:
    £350 Natwest Credit Card / Now £0
    £15,500 Loan from Parents / Currently £13,000
    £2,000 Overdraft
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 25th Jun 17, 1:08 PM
    • 4,583 Posts
    • 14,551 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Hugs Bob xx

    Here's hoping more bookings will come your way, I'm sure they will
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £7800.00 Cap 1: £420.00 Overdraft: £2750.00

    Lunches to work 5/25 ~ £10pw 2/5

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    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 25th Jun 17, 1:30 PM
    • 3,879 Posts
    • 27,221 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Bob - so sorry to hear about your friend.
    I always try to remind myself that the bad times help you to truly appreciate the good.
    NST June#24 NSD 8/15 RYSAW17 #1 £412.74 20p Savers #88 £1 a day for Xmas # DFD 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
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