What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

seroxat_chick · 10 January 2007 at 10:02AM

I see that lots of people are advocating getting a Will drawn up. As my husband is a Probate manager, I'd like to offer the following advice:

Don't appoint a solicitor as an executor. To them you are just a name. Appoint somebody who knows you personally and they will (hopefully) attend to things with some degree of urgency. To a solicitor, time is money and proceedings do seem to take a lot longer when a solicitor is dealing with an estate.

A list of the Probate Registries can be found here

http://www.probate1.com/office.html

robledouk · 10 January 2007 at 10:37AM

I've just been recently through this as well. My father died just under 3 months ago and had to go through the same process.

As people here have mentioned already, it's very important that documents are perhaps kept in 1 safe place. Fortunately my father was very organised and this helped us immensely.

One thing that has not been mentioned here (but maybe in the main thread?haven't had a chance to read through completely yet) is the £2000 funeral payout. As long as your spouse paid national insurance contributions for 1 year then you are entitled to the full amount. You can get the from the Jobcentre or download it from jobcentreplus website. As you may all know, funerals can ber very expensive and this money helps

You may also be entitled to the 1 years bereavement payment. Again get this form from the job centre.

As for car insurance, my father was the policy holder but the policy was still okay for my mum and I (named driver) to use for a further 30 days. This was with Direct Line Insurance so maybe other insurance companies work differently.

Hope some of that helps

mrwoof · 10 January 2007 at 11:06AM

One of the first decisions you have to make is to choose the funeral director. Make this beforehand, the difference in cost and their treatment of you can be vast, immediately after a bereavement is NOT the time to do this. I was a hundred miles away when I received a phone call from police that my mother had died, one of the first questions they asked was which funeral director. I made the wrong decision. Also, a headstone, the country's most popular funeral director wanted four times the cost of a local stonemason for the same headstone.

denimmaterial · 10 January 2007 at 11:06AM

My mother died in the mid '80s. She was very methodical about her paperwork and kept everything in an old leather handbag in the top drawer of the sideboard. It was kept up to date and in it she had all her passbooks, bank account details, investment certificates and tax returns. She also had a list of what was in there.
You can't imagine what a relief it was to be able to have it all up-to-date and in one place at a time when my logical mind had gone into hibernation.
I realise that an old handbag may not be the current method. I keep all my info on my computer, but I also print out any changes and updates and keep a copy with all paperwork in one file.
So, I suppose what I am saying is this. Your nearest and dearest will (hopefully) be devastated when you die, so make life a little more bearable by preparing NOW for the inevitable. And enjoy today, just in case!

suered · 10 January 2007 at 11:21AM

Death certificates - I would definitely get 3 or 4 when you register the death - if you have to go back later, they're more expensive!! Also, when I closed my mum's bank account at Nat West, an extremely helpful lady there ran several photocopies of the certificate and then signed and stamped them as being authentic copies and they were accepted by some (not all) of the other organisations that had to be notified.

Funeral directors - it may sound strange, but as with other services, personal recommendation is the way to go. My mum and I used a firm in Slough on recommendation when Dad died and they were so brilliant, dealing with various not so "usual" requests, I had no hesitation going back to them when Mum died.

I would also echo the people saying "make sure your wishes are known" - Mum, bless her, wanted to be buried under a tree to the strains of "The Old Grey Mare, she ain't what she used to be". And so she was!

Justie · 10 January 2007 at 11:23AM

I'd echo the posts that say get a will and make sure people know your wishes for burial etc. My dad was ill for a long time and when he finally died my mum realised she didn't know if he wanted to be buried or cremated as it had never been mentioned - she'd planned his funeral service many months previously but that one detail had been missed.

Oldman · 10 January 2007 at 11:39AM

Do you have a joint credit/debit card? If you are the main name, OK, If it is your partner, then get one in your own name as you will find the credit/debit card is frozen. Doesn't matter if it is paid from a joint account, it is in the name of one or other of you. If that person dies, the other cannot use the card
Check the car insurance, are you named as other driver? I think someone else mentioned that
As already stated by others,, multiple copies of the death certificate is a must have. We had six for my mother in law when she passed away, and it was just about right
Get an Enduring Power of Attorney set up for each other NOW, do not wait until one of you starts to get dementia, that is too late.
MAKE THOSE WILLS, do not leave it to chance. You do not know when the old reaper is going to knock, and just because you are in your twenties is no guarentee of a long life, sorry. Wills can always be changed if your circumstances change, but it is important to make your wishes known.
And last but in no way least, enjoy each other, and your families now, don't sit and regret it later

Not so grumpy
Oldman

watchdog2003 · 10 January 2007 at 11:44AM

Write a will was on my must do it list
Took me ten months to get around to it.
Completed January 2007, phew!
Prepared the following list of separate documents

Powers of attorney authority to spend money from bank accounts
A will in the event of me snuffing it
A Living will where I take away decision making from Doctors, family and friends in the event of my near death
Final arrangement what to do with my body cremation etc
Completed information for care givers and survivors

mskitten2904 · 10 January 2007 at 12:29PM

Hi, I lost my husband 5 years ago very suddenly at the age of 35 and as he was the sole earner so I had no idea where to begin. Thankfully, i recieved lots of help from the DWP who helped with benefits etc. I recieved the lump sum payout of £2000 and currently recieve Widowed Parents Allowance for my 2 children. I also recieved help with rent and council tax. I agree that you do need to have several copies of the death certificate as all companies will ask for it. I closed his bank accounts too. The DWP also pointed the way for help with funeral costs. As for the emotional side, my doctor assigned me straight into Bereavement Counselling which was the best benefit I could have asked for. I am currently at university and I still get a great deal of help from all angles because my main fear was being a single parent and what people would think of me, I found that (surprisingly) people where much more understanding than I had first thought

mskitten2904 · 10 January 2007 at 12:36PM

hi, I may be wrong but I think it is only people with low income that can recieve help with funeral costs but that does not necessarly mean you have to be claiming benefits?

What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

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