Am I being unreasonable?

Fairys38
Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Hi,
To cut a long story short I left my husband a few months ago one of the main reasons being him never having an interest in getting a full time job (he earns abut £6k a year), since then i have been paying all the rent £825 and child maintenance £550 a month despite having my daughter with me 4 nights a week although he does pick her up from school as I work full time but there is an afterschool clubs she goes to 1 day a week.

Whilst i didn't mind this in the beginning to give him time to get on his feet he still doesn't seem to be wanting to get a job, the tenancy is in my name and he didn't want me to see about getting it changed as its an AST and he didn't want the landlord to decide to evict instead and I didn't want that for my daughter either.

I would like to get myself sorted but paying him that amount each month makes it very difficult, I took with me all the debts £15k approx.

I think a few more months and I would like him to support himself quite a lot more, I don't mind paying £500 a month as that seems reasonable but £1400 seems excessive. I do still pay all one off expenses as well for my daughter.

Appreciate your views.
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Comments

  • heartbreak_star
    heartbreak_star Posts: 8,286 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker Rampant Recycler
    Why on earth are you supporting him?!

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Bremainer
  • Placitasgirl
    Placitasgirl Posts: 386 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I'm sorry but I'm confused. Your daughter spends 4 nights a week with you, so 3 nights a week with Dad.

    You're paying your husband £500 a month in child maintenance. Why?

    By continuing to support your husband in this way you're giving him no incentive or reason to do anything different to that which contributed to your split.

    I assume he isn't paying you maintenance for the time you have your daughter? Are you claiming/receiving Child Benefit/Child Tax Credits for your daughter?

    I simply don't understand this £500 payment for his 3 night a week care for your daughter.
  • Fairys38
    Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
    Probably guilt (for no real reason I might add) and for the benefit of my daughter
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
    Fairys38 wrote: »
    Probably guilt (for no real reason I might add) and for the benefit of my daughter
    You enabling him won't benefit your daughter in the long run. What motivation does he have to get a job if he knows he can always rely on you to bankroll him?
    Is he still living with you?
  • Fairys38
    Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
    Placitasgirl wrote: »
    I'm sorry but I'm confused. Your daughter spends 4 nights a week with you, so 3 nights a week with Dad.

    You're paying your husband £500 a month in child maintenance. Why?

    By continuing to support your husband in this way you're giving him no incentive or reason to do anything different to that which contributed to your split.

    I assume he isn't paying you maintenance for the time you have your daughter? Are you claiming/receiving Child Benefit/Child Tax Credits for your daughter?

    I simply don't understand this £500 payment for his 3 night a week care for your daughter.

    I know it sounds ridiculous but I just didn't want the arguments, my daughter spends more time with him or equal at least just more nights with me as his job is very early in the morning, its all to make things easier for my daughter but I realise this is at my detriment, I don't get any benefits for her but I think he does.
  • Fairys38
    Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
    fairy_lights wrote: »
    You enabling him won't benefit your daughter in the long run. What motivation does he have to get a job if he knows he can always rely on you to bankroll him?
    Is he still living with you?
    No I moved out.
    I think it doesn't feel odd as I have always paid for everything for 15 years in reality, just writing it down makes me realise how ridiculous that sounds
  • Mr_Toad
    Mr_Toad Posts: 2,462 Forumite
    And this is different to the many separated non working mums who get maintenance from their working husbands how?
    One by one the penguins are slowly stealing my sanity.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,090 Community Admin
    Photogenic Name Dropper First Post
    Not unheard of for the non-resident parent to pay rent and maintenance for the child and RP. What does the CSA recommend that you pay?
  • Fairys38
    Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
    avogadro wrote: »
    Not unheard of for the non-resident parent to pay rent and maintenance for the child and RP. What does the CSA recommend that you pay?

    I did the calculator and it said £76 a week
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Fairys38 wrote: »
    despite having my daughter with me 4 nights a week
    avogadro wrote: »
    Not unheard of for the non-resident parent to pay rent and maintenance for the child and RP. What does the CSA recommend that you pay?

    As Fairy has their daughter for four nights a week, she is the RP and should be claiming all the child-related benefits.

    The father should also be paying child maintenance but, as the care is roughly 50/50, it would be fair not to ask for that.
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