Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping?

silvercar · 16 October 2016 at 3:50PM

Jackieboy wrote: »

I think that's fair enough of your children don't get the full loan based on your income but if you're on a low enough income for them to get the full loan then I think they should contribute out of it.

So for students whose parents don't contribute to their continued education, you think the student should pay them board, but parents who do give money to their offspring to help support them as students, they shouldn't receive anything!

Jackieboy · 16 October 2016 at 4:02PM

silvercar wrote: »

So for students whose parents don't contribute to their continued education, you think the student should pay them board, but parents who do give money to their offspring to help support them as students, they shouldn't receive anything!

No, that wasn't what I said or meant.

If students in the second situation are living at home then I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to be given their keep for free rather than for money to change hands - not both.

For parents who are on a low enough income that no deduction is made from the student funding, then I think that it's reasonable for the student to pay for their keep if living at home (ie your first category).

I think your expression "parents (who) don't contribute" is ambiguous generally and misleading in this context. It implies parents who should but don't contribute rather than those whose income is low enough for a contribution not to be required.

mark5 · 16 October 2016 at 7:42PM

I would be telling the daughter that the boyfriend needs to be showering and eating at his own house and limit him staying over to once per week maximum.

If the boyfriend is around so much, when does she study?

silvercar · 16 October 2016 at 11:07PM

mark5 wrote: »

I would be telling the daughter that the boyfriend needs to be showering and eating at his own house and limit him staying over to once per week maximum.

If the boyfriend is around so much, when does she study?

This is a whole other discussion - the age appropriateness of having a partner stay over, how many nights, what facilities they use etc. At what point the boundary between 'staying over' and 'moving in' is crossed.

silvercar · 16 October 2016 at 11:13PM

Jackieboy wrote: »

I think your expression "parents (who) don't contribute" is ambiguous generally and misleading in this context. It implies parents who should but don't contribute rather than those whose income is low enough for a contribution not to be required.

It was meant to contrast those parents who aren't expected to contribute, then expecting their offspring to pay them from their loans vs those who are expected to contribute also providing free board as well as making a contribution.

NBLondon · 17 October 2016 at 5:23PM

silvercar wrote: »

This is a whole other discussion - the age appropriateness of having a partner stay over, how many nights, what facilities they use etc. At what point the boundary between 'staying over' and 'moving in' is crossed.

I guess on a moral footing - some parents would rather know where their 17 year old DD is sleeping rather than her being out all night. However, this case really does sound like boyfriend has gradually moved in - maybe the OP is a better cook than anyone in his own family?

silvercar · 17 October 2016 at 6:01PM

NBLondon wrote: »

I guess on a moral footing - some parents would rather know where their 17 year old DD is sleeping rather than her being out all night. However, this case really does sound like boyfriend has gradually moved in - maybe the OP is a better cook than anyone in his own family?

Some parents would stamp their moral feet and demand that their 17 year old school girl be sleeping in her own bed alone, particularly on a school night.

Kim_kim · 17 October 2016 at 6:53PM

I didn't realise the daughter was 17. My daughter was in her early 20s & engaged before my son in law stayed.

snowball2 · 23 May 2017 at 10:32PM

Sorry I did not get back sooner to clarify on this post.

I spoke to daughter & boyfriend as he was basically living here anyway and introduced a £30 a week board which he was happy to pay, and he now lives here full time. My daughter is very studious and having him here is far less distraction than being out all the time to see him.

Moving along to now, my daughter is starting her degree in nursing in September.

She will have a bursary as we live in Wales for her fees and she has been awarded a maintenance loan of £2544 as shes staying at home. As she had a bursary she was not eligible for any grants.

I did not intend and have not asked her for any keep until she starts her Uni course in September when CB & CTC are cut, I have 3 other younger children and exactly the same household expenses with her continuing to live at home but we will be almost £300 a month worse off as of September.

Now I have said £30 a week for her as well starting in September, but I am wondering if I should ask them both to contribute more?

I wish I was in a position to fund everyone, but unfortunately I'm not.

onomatopoeia99 · 23 May 2017 at 11:15PM

I was paying my parents £25 / week when earning under £100/week in 1988 while working full time during my "year off" before university (I also paid this during the university holidays if I came home and was working). You are undercharging the boyfriend, by a lot.

If you're happy having your daughter living with you, then I suggest you don't take too much of the £50/week she gets as a loan.

Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping?

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