Am i being forced out of my job? and can they do it

sarah1975uk · 4 December 2007 at 4:45PM

Im a mum of 3 kids under 10, have always worked and tried to do my best to support my family. Am currently working full time got a good job which i love doing although quite stressful at times with the work life balance and pressures of the job. Recently had personal problems one of my sons just been diagnosed with adhd and dyslexia and having major problems with school work etc and problems with my mum being an alcoholic with the accociated family problems that brings to the table too. Now been signed off work for 2 months due to stress of everything and which is giving me time out to sort my family out etc. Had a visit from my boss today to see how i am etc and off the record said i couldnt do your job with 3 kids etc etc perhaps whilst off time to maybe look at whether the job is for me etc. also said that whilst ive been off people been !!!!!ing about me and my job but wouldnt elaborate to add to my stress, said she would speak to me when i get back to work again. Feeling pushed out and backed into a corner.

Everyone has stress of kids work debts etc and it is hard work for everyone, anyone that says its easy is lying. Obviously id rather have loads of money in the bank and be able to work part time, but practicalities are i have to be a working mum to provide for my family and always have done.

Feel so stressed out and dont want to loose my job or fail myself or my family. Dont know what to do for the best. I have as a back up applied for part time jobs but been told im too over qualified and i think these companies think why am i leaving a good job to go to a part time job earning less money etc, and will i leave again. Stress comes and goes and part of life and never a right time for anything we just have to do the best we can.

Zazen999 · 4 December 2007 at 7:27PM

Hi

It sounds as if she needs training, as no manager worth their salt would do that to you.
Firstly, did she visit at your request or did she turn up?
Secondly, if you are under stress, they need to help you, not make you feel more stressed by saying that they couldn't do what you do; and insinuating that you can't cope; and then telling you that people are 'whatevering' you behind your back.
So, can you answer the following so that we can help?
Is this a large or small company [do they have a HR dept?]
How long have you worked for them?
Have you even been promoted by them?
Have you ever been brought up for any of your work before; in a bad or good way?
How much sick leave have you had over the past 3 years, and if alot; what reason [I don't want the gory details, but in general].
What is the communication like with regards your manager usually, and has she supported you at all in the past in any way.
and did she visit at your request or not?

May have more questions, but would love to help if possible.

sarah1975uk · 5 December 2007 at 12:26AM

Zazen999 wrote: »

Hi

It sounds as if she needs training, as no manager worth their salt would do that to you.
Firstly, did she visit at your request or did she turn up?
Secondly, if you are under stress, they need to help you, not make you feel more stressed by saying that they couldn't do what you do; and insinuating that you can't cope; and then telling you that people are 'whatevering' you behind your back.
So, can you answer the following so that we can help?
Is this a large or small company [do they have a HR dept?]
How long have you worked for them?
Have you even been promoted by them?
Have you ever been brought up for any of your work before; in a bad or good way?
How much sick leave have you had over the past 3 years, and if alot; what reason [I don't want the gory details, but in general].
What is the communication like with regards your manager usually, and has she supported you at all in the past in any way.
and did she visit at your request or not?

May have more questions, but would love to help if possible.

Is this a large or small company [do they have a HR dept?] Yes its a big company
How long have you worked for them? worked for them for about 13 months
Have you even been promoted by them? No but got a senior role with responsibility etc
Have you ever been brought up for any of your work before; in a bad or good way? not as such just learning the job and way they want things done
How much sick leave have you had over the past 3 years, and if alot; what reason [I don't want the gory details, but in general]. about 4 weeks
What is the communication like with regards your manager usually, and has she supported you at all in the past in any way. the lady that came out today was my managers manager, quite a strong person and says what she thinks, nice lady generally but not the type of person to get on the wrong side of!!
and did she visit at your request or not? she visited to collect some work stuff that apparently a colleague needs who is helping my boss with work i would normally be doing

Am now stressing out the people who have been !!!!!ing behind my back are a lower grade than me and generally !!!!! about anything, feeling crap as it is at the moment with my personal problems without now worrying about the content of what they are going to speak to me about when i get back up and running at work *sigh*

Terrylw1 · 5 December 2007 at 1:25AM

Hi,

Ok, people will also moan about you if you have a job with responsibility. When you become say a manager, you have to accept that you can never please everyone. All you can be is fair & supportive to people.

Work colleagues are nothing anyway, they don't count in life. People who have a lot of time off will always be moaned about by people who either don't understand, are very critical of everyone else but not themselves (two faced) or just are idiots.

What matters is your relationship with your LM.

Was that supposed to be a welfare visit then? Did they discuss what the problems were, how to resolve them, a phased return to work plan, how ro help you, occupational health nurse, etc etc???

Mt experience in this area (as a manager and someone who has suffered stress) is to get this noted down an contact your LM to discuss how to resolve them and get you back into work.

They can't just sack you or demote you without going through all the proper procedures to get you back in work first. They would be open to a tribunal otherwise.

I can understand how stressful it must be. I once managed a lady who has the same problems and she had a lot of visits to the hospital meaning she had to have a lot of time off. The company went along with it though and she even got promoted under me.

Do you understand the triggers for your stress? Does it become depression/ Do you seek advice from your GP (anti d's, counselling, etc)? It may help if it's really bad and you can't deal with it on your own.

All the best

Zazen999 · 5 December 2007 at 9:21AM

Hi.
I agree with Terry - I would write a letter [post it on here if you want it looked at] but it must be rational and calm. It needs to state the issues so use bullet points. It needs to be addressed to the HR dept; stating exactly what happened and that this person has said stuff off the record; which is now adding to the stress. You need to request formal notification if there is an issue with your work so that you can respond appropriately to any accusations.

Make sure that you put in the letter that you had expected the person who visited to offer you support and councelling and to assist you in your return to work, and that this has resulted in feeling pushed out and backed into a corner; which is neither good for you or for the company.

I suspect if you write this, the person will get a HR dictate to leave you alone to recover and to address things through the formal channels, if indeed there are any issues to actually address.

Just keep it calm - I know it is difficult but it is this person who is at fault here not you.

And take care of yourself.

sarah1975uk · 5 December 2007 at 9:53AM

A big thank you to you both. The reason for her comming to my home was not a back to work interview or anything like that it was purelycup of coffee and to pick up paperwork and pda and mobile phone so that the person covering me could use it and my manager needs it to see who has what holidays booked etc, whilst here basically told her whats been going on personally then before she went she took me into my kitchen to say off record what she said, because my son was in the lounge where we initially sat (he is only 9 and didnt want to upset him) wasnt him that was upset it was me i walked away from her car as we said bye feeling like balling my eyes out

London_Exile · 5 December 2007 at 1:55PM

Hi Sarah, really sorry to hear that you are having to deal with all your personal problems as well as worrying about work! It really sucks. Please understand though, that you are not alone and given time your situation will improve!

Sad as it is to say, more and more people are over promoted to "managers" who seem to think that to prove themselves they must be insensitive and ignorant of other peoples needs.

Earlier this year I was in a similar situation - Had been signed off sick, etc, etc. And my "line manager" was totally oblivious to what i was going through and instead of offering help and support took steps to force me out of my job. Due to my my situation I didn't realise until I had agreed to take redundancy what his agenda was.

Based on my experiences and what you have posted I would suggest that whenever you are called to meeting to discuss your future, you have someone who can fight your corner (Union Rep, etc). Also make sure you get written copies of everything discussed. Don't ever agree to "off the record" chats. If there is something that your boss thinks is interfering with your work then it should be documented.

I would have to partially disagree with Terry on the subject of work colleagues - your relationship with them is important. But I DO agree that it is vitally important to have a good relationship with your line manager. Is there any scope for working from home two days a week? It might be worth suggesting.

Thats about all I can add, except to reiterate that you are not alone! And in time things will improve.

Take care!

asea · 5 December 2007 at 2:24PM

If you get the chance, call ACAS they can offer you some advice on where you stand legally & what is & isn't acceptable in the law.

Good luck to you

sarah1975uk · 5 December 2007 at 2:47PM

had a car accident in may as well in company car lorry ran into me (his insurers have admitted liability) so nervous driving and driving is big part of my job too, have been determined to keep driving feel if i stop it will put me off for life. so everything upon everything just really stressing me out. Have emailed the boss that came out to my home yesturday to say how i feel, wonder if she will reply!

Zazen999 · 5 December 2007 at 11:35PM

Hi

I have amended the letter - sorry but I had a hard day at work today or i would have done so earlier. I would still send the amended version to her by post not email, and make sure you copy it to the head of HR or she can just hide it.

Terrylw1 · 6 December 2007 at 1:52AM

Agree with Zazen.

Any good company should really be conducting the first welfare visit after 30 days as that is when you are classed as long term sick.

It sounds to me like the manager that came to see you was addressing you not as a colluague, but as a person. Sadly, in your case this was inappropriate and she should have stuck to being professional. Maybe she thought she was hepling and didn't realise how you felt.

TBH I don't think most managers have a clue about how you feel when you really suffer from stress/anxiety/depression as it is a very complex field due to the amount of causal factors.

They cannot take action against without following all the legal requirements or they will be open to tribunal. Any HR manager is aware of all of this so maybe your LM's need some advice off them.

I think you need to be clear with them over:

- what are the stressors
- how you think they could be avoided
- what they can do to help with this

Then you can also add your personal feelings about how you were addresses. TBH I would never have dropped in on someone suffering like this as they could bite your head off for snopping. It's just not the done thing!

There is a depression support thread on the health board if you feel you may need some extra support from those who have suffered stress and beyond.

All the best

Am i being forced out of my job? and can they do it

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