Do I need to divorce?

paddy's_mum · 10 October 2016 at 11:33AM

FBaby wrote: »

Who pays the mortgage?

This is a highly important point, OP. You need to be keeping an eye on it since your husband is perfectly capable of being less than truthful and obstructive.

Don't just take his word for it that he is paying the mortgage. Check.

It might also cross his mind at some point that he could have a lodger in that 3 bedroom house and a bit of savings may well be of benefit to both of you down the line when proceedings or fees come to need paying.

PeacefulWaters · 10 October 2016 at 12:02PM

Divorce is one thing.

Financial settlement is completely different.

Both are cheapest when mutually agreed.

Takeaway_Addict · 10 October 2016 at 2:50PM

paddy's_mum wrote: »

How unfair to imply blame on a wife for leaving when the husband has [STRIKE]cheated beaten her run up quarter of a million pounds of debt conned her grandma out of her life savings molested their daughter[/STRIKE][insert offence or crime or cruelty here]

What on earth are you on about???

Amber_Sunshine · 10 October 2016 at 6:27PM

OP, you also need to make/update your will, otherwise he will be your next of kin and inherit should you die intestate.

divadee · 10 October 2016 at 6:36PM

Personally get the divorce and the clean slate. Who knows what's around the corner. Now you say you will never marry again. In 20 years time who knows and do you want this all raked up again?!

Get a clean break financial order, get the house sold and split any equity equally.

He's telling you lies about renting. He doesn't want to leave the current house. Don't let anyone control your future.

Oh and divorces can be done DIY. Yes you need to really be amicable for it to fully work out but you don't need to spend ££££ on solicitors. I did it for just the court costs.

jingles8384 · 11 October 2016 at 11:04AM

Agree with divadee - I divorced using an online company and completed a financial settlement order and the only 'real' costs were the court costs (the online firm got £179 to manage everything which was actually very helpful).

Only thing to point out is that unless you can prove 'unreasonable behaviour' with examples (dates, times, evidence etc etc) then you would need to wait for 2 years separation to get divorced. It's a PITA but worth it to not have to argue over who's 'in the wrong' as part of the divorce proceedings.

My ex was slow at returning the paperwork etc but it took around 9 months to divorce (after we'd been separated for 2 years previously) and another year to get the money for the house (but that should have been 6 weeks so I applied for interest on the total owed and got it)

lynseydee · 11 October 2016 at 1:41PM

Thank you for all the comments, I really appreciate it.

I will respond to those that need a response and anyone who has made a comment that I feel needs responding to.

Fbaby, I know his reason for renting is nonsense. He’s just looking for excuses not to sell as I believe he wants to keep the house to pass onto our son. He currently pays the mortgage.

Unforeseen, it was my decision to “decamp” as you put it but, although I don’t want to go into detail here, I do have my reasons for doing so.

DigForVictory, the bank knows I have moved address and am in the process of trying to close the joint account down. The mortgage company I haven’t told, not sure if he has though. I do know he has tried to get a mortgage from them in his sole name but was turned down.

Paddy’s mum, I did have my reasons for leaving otherwise I would have stayed in the house. For about six months we had been living in the same house but different bedrooms.

Pixie5740, unfortunately I’m not in a position to be able to buy another property unless the house is sold so don’t have that to worry about, not unless my mum is true to her word is she wins the lottery :rotfl:

TBagpuss, I represented myself when he took me to court for custody of our son but wouldn’t feel comfortable doing a divorce myself. I know what he would be like and feel I would need some legal representation behind me.

Paddy’s mum, I haven’t checked whether the mortgage is being paid but don’t have any reason to believe otherwise As I’ve said above I do believe he wants to pass the house onto our son so feel he would do what it took to not lose it.

PeacefulWaters, I know there is no chance of a divorce being mutually agreed.

Amber Sunshine, I don’t currently have a Will as my last one was superseded when we married. I am aware that I should make one though as he could be entitled to my assets if I died.

Divadee, I understand what you are saying but this was my second marriage and I genuinely don’t want to marry again. I’ve come to understand that you don’t need to marry someone to be happy so will just look for someone who can make me happy without the wedding ring.

Jingles8384, who did you use? I am pretty sure I will be able to divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

Once again thank you to everyone who has commented.

paddy's_mum · 11 October 2016 at 3:21PM

I assumed from the beginning that you had good reason to "decamp" since I know of few normal women who would up sticks and leave for the fun of it or because their best friend said it was the fashionable thing to do!

However, I repeat my advice that you should keep a very close eye on the mortgage payments simply in order to protect your own financial standing.

I'd also strongly recommend that you sever the joint tenancy in favour of a tenants in common arrangement so that your husband cannot inherit your half of the property in the absence of a current will.

You do not need to employ a solicitor to do that although I believe that good legal advice is well worth paying for, simply to try to leave no loophole that an unscrupulous husband can drive a coach and horses through.

Good luck.

ThomasMJacobs · 14 October 2016 at 11:55AM

Consult a lawyer and discuss the options, as he might be able to help you get you dues without going through a divorce. My friend too had a similar situation where her husband refused to part with her share of the house, so she consulted an attorney( Bechara Tarabay, a renowned attorney based in Paris.) who guided her perfectly.

Archergirl · 15 October 2016 at 4:23PM

Make a will............

Do I need to divorce?

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