Divorced for being too money saving!

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  • AlexLK
    AlexLK Posts: 6,125
    Debt-free and Proud!
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    I'm an ex-spendaholic and yes, it affected my marriage. However, we are through that and I am done with the lies I told my wife during my time getting into debt. So, money can indeed get in the way of a relationship.

    Another thing I wish to say are that generalisations mean nothing in the real world as we are all individuals, far too complex to abide by a complete set of rules saying whom we ought to be. I'm sure you'll find a man who would be happy to find a money saving wife. :)
    2018 totals:
    Savings £11,200
    Mortgage Overpayments £5,500
  • margaretclare
    margaretclare Posts: 10,789 Forumite
    edited 12 September 2013 at 8:32AM
    Do men want money saving wives ? No. We want to give you an allowance and keep some for ourselves, save the rest for holidays, and cars, and SHTF, and let you get on with running the house, whilst we go down the pub, but buy flowers on a Friday Evening, just like in my Grandad's dad.

    We don't care how you save, or eke out the meagre allowance, just that a meal is on the table, when we get home.

    Sexist ? Indeed, but given the choice that's how men would be happy.

    Thank God I never had the misfortune to marry a man like this! Either there would have been murder done - the old-fashioned rolling-pin comes to mind - or you'd have been seeking new lodgings before the week was out.

    However, as AlexLK says above, money can indeed get in the way of a relationship. It was one of the factors which ended my DH's last marriage - only one, but a significant one.
    [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Æ[/FONT]r ic wisdom funde, [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]æ[/FONT]r wear[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]ð[/FONT] ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
  • Tiglath wrote: »
    A ridiculous generalisation - the world has moved on from the 1950s, you know. My DH would be absolutely horrified by your attitude; we work as a team and have joint saving goals, do the shopping together, plan big purchases together. I earn more than my DH - why would I need an allowance from him? You'll soon find yourself extinct with a dinosaur perspective like that.

    You miss my point. What we all pretend we want in this PC world is exactly as you describe, and what we get, and exactly what we expect. I married my wife in order to share everything, what's mine is hers, and what's hers is mine. We plan all big purchasing together, have joint savings goals. When I married I was a political correct new man, brought up with a belief that all is equal. Time has not changed that. I still believe that all is equal.


    But the OP asked what do men REALLY want ? I suspect that if you got a group of men alone in a pub, after a few drinks, they'd be more happy with the way it "used" to be.

    Yes it might be different if you both work, but having a joint account, for everything means you do not have full control, and if you don't have full control, then you have no control. Happiness comes from BOTH parties being in control.
  • Tiglath
    Tiglath Posts: 3,816
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    And you miss my point - I don't know any men who'd want it to go back to the old way; that would've been relevant for say my Dad who didn't want anything other than pocket money and left it all to my Mum to sort out, but times have changed. Obviously we move in different circles. What you're saying is that in your opinion men are inherently lazy and don't want to be concerned with details of how it actually all works; they want the women to work magic so it doesn't disturb them.
    "Save £12k in 2019" #120 - £100,699.57/£100,000
  • marisco wrote: »
    It's views like this that make me feel glad to be single.

    Oh come now. What's not to like ? A man who takes his responsibilities, and his role seriously ? Someone loving, and caring, who is deeply loyal, and will fight for the rights of his partner? Who would share everything with his wife, and be her best friend. Just because it would be nice to have an evening meal in the pot, after a 12 hour shift, doesn't mean he'll complain. He might actually be glad of time in the kitchen to unwind.
    The only thing that has uset this particular man in the last year is the refusal of his wife to take a slow puncture in her car to a local tyre place because SHE thinks "that's a man's job". Despite the fact that he is 120 miles away working, and won't be home for 3 days.
  • Tiglath wrote: »
    And you miss my point - I don't know any men who'd want it to go back to the old way; that would've been relevant for say my Dad who didn't want anything other than pocket money and left it all to my Mum to sort out, but times have changed. Obviously we move in different circles.


    What you're saying is that in your opinion men are inherently lazy and don't want to be concerned with details of how it actually all works; they want the women to work magic so it doesn't disturb them.

    I did miss your point.
    The point for the OP was that both parties, need to feel like they have total control of something, rather than partial control of everything, or in her case, one person controlling everything, and him feeling like he had no say at all.

    One way of having a say, is for both people to have thier own cash 'float'. The way I do it for me, is that I take £30 in cash with me on a Monday, and come back on Friday, and if I have anything left I can buy either Cava or Flowers (my wife likes both) and if not, a mars bar with a ribbon.
  • Tiglath
    Tiglath Posts: 3,816
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    I did miss your point.
    The point for the OP was that both parties, need to feel like they have total control of something, rather than partial control of everything, or in her case, one person controlling everything, and him feeling like he had no say at all.

    One way of having a say, is for both people to have thier own cash 'float'. The way I do it for me, is that I take £30 in cash with me on a Monday, and come back on Friday, and if I have anything left I can buy either Cava or Flowers (my wife likes both) and if not, a mars bar with a ribbon.

    Well then we're in agreement after all :) Feeling in control of something is important - no-one wants to be a passenger or spectator in their own life. DH and I split what's left each month after bills and are free to do with that whatever we want. He spends his; I save some of mine, on top of our planned joint savings. I can see how you'd have a different perspective if you work away from home periodically.
    "Save £12k in 2019" #120 - £100,699.57/£100,000
  • Gra76
    Gra76 Posts: 804
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    If my wife came home with sugar sachets from a 'restaurant' I'd wonder about her sanity.... :lol:

    She used to keep all the ketchup sachets when she went out and I thought that was bad enough....she soon stopped that after I pointed out that in order to get the sachets she was spending a ton of money more than a good home-cooked meal would have cost in the first place so it was false economy.
  • Gra76 wrote: »
    If my wife came home with sugar sachets from a 'restaurant' I'd wonder about her sanity.... :lol:

    She used to keep all the ketchup sachets when she went out and I thought that was bad enough....she soon stopped that after I pointed out that in order to get the sachets she was spending a ton of money more than a good home-cooked meal would have cost in the first place so it was false economy.

    I don't think anyone goes out to eat for the specific purpose of pocketing the ketchup, do they? But if you're there anyway having a little treat then it's a little freebie to soften the blow of the bill.
  • ERICS_MUM
    ERICS_MUM Posts: 3,579
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    As with so many issues on this Relationships etc forum, this thread proves there is so much more to a happy relationship than "just" love ! Agreement about money and the spending/saving of it is fundamental.
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