Wife taking surname

consumers_revenge
consumers_revenge Posts: 3,545
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Hi,


We have been talking about marriage recently ( weve been together for a long time and also 2 children )


Whats come up is she wants to keep her own surname which I find odd and a bit disappointing. Also makes me believe shes not that interested.


So out to you boys and girls what are your opinions please?

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

take your surname in marraige 278 votes

I find it a bit odd that she doesnt want to take your name? I would worry.
6% 19 votes
Thats fine no reason to.
83% 232 votes
Should take your surname
9% 27 votes
«13456733

Comments

  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    We have been talking about marriage recently ( weve been together for a long time and also 2 children )

    Whats come up is she wants to keep her own surname which I find odd and a bit disappointing. Also makes me believe shes not that interested.

    Why do you feel like that?
  • Have you thought about taking her surname?

    If not, why would you expect her to take yours?
  • edwink
    edwink Posts: 2,959
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    Hi, We have been talking about marriage recently ( weve been together for a long time and also 2 children )

    Whats come up is she wants to keep her own surname which I find odd and a bit disappointing. Also makes me believe shes not that interested.

    So out to you boys and girls what are your opinions please?


    Have you thought that she could keep hers and also takes yours? That way she will have a double barrelled surname?

    Just a thought.

    Edwink
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  • My wife and I married 3 years ago and kept our own surnames, I don't see the problem with that. Your name is a big part of your identity I don't see that you need to change it just because you are getting married.
  • p00hsticks
    p00hsticks Posts: 12,672
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    Hi,


    We have been talking about marriage recently ( weve been together for a long time and also 2 children )


    Whats come up is she wants to keep her own surname which I find odd and a bit disappointing. Also makes me believe shes not that interested.


    So out to you boys and girls what are your opinions please?

    Changing your surname is a right pain - she'll probably have bank accounts, passport, driving licence, car insurance, online shopping accounts, pension, work details. electoral roll etc that would all need changing. Then you forget one and suddenly you're failing credit checks because there's a mis-match of details ....

    Why is there any need ? As others have suggested, if it means that much to you, change yours to hers.
  • Keep in mind it could be just the generation I was brought up in 45 now.
  • Also kids have my surname.
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,299
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    edited 23 December 2017 at 12:27PM
    From a practical standpoint, it's a massive hassle getting your name changed on all your accounts and documents (I started six months ago and I'm still not finished!)

    I don't think it makes any difference whether she takes your name, either you're both committed to each other or you're not (but then the same applies to getting married IMHO).

    In any case, AIUI, all married women who choose to start using their husband's surname on marriage retain the legal right to the name they were registered with at birth anyway. That's why you don't need to make a deed poll to revert to your maiden name after divorce, it's still your name, you just stop calling yourself by your husband's family surname.
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  • Well do you want to take her name instead? Isn’t that an option? Now I am female, but in no way declare myself as a feminist activist, but why should it only be that the woman has to change her name at marriage?!
    Would you double barrel?
    I personally have done what I consider a lot with the name I was born with - 2 degrees, author on a published scientific paper. Just cos I want to get married, why do I have to be the one to change my identity? On passports, driving licence etc etc.
    I would happily double barrel mine and my partners surname if marriage is on the cards one day.
    Oh and please don’t take this as she’s not that interested!! I 100% love my BF and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but just so happens I am happy with the name I was born with.
  • Hi,


    We have been talking about marriage recently ( weve been together for a long time and also 2 children )


    Whats come up is she wants to keep her own surname which I find odd and a bit disappointing. Also makes me believe shes not that interested.


    So out to you boys and girls what are your opinions please?


    "Boys and girls"??????:eek:

    I'm a person (that happens to be a woman). Whichever sex my body was I'd have the same view.

    That being - a persons surname is their business and their business only and that continues to apply if they get married.

    The thought wouldnt have crossed my mind to take a husbands surname if I got married - and I'd have soon got very annoyed with anyone that addressed me as "Mrs his surname" and they would have been told "I'm still me - and not someone's appendage".

    At a very practical level - how on earth would anyone know that someone referred to as "my first name/his surname" know that the woman they were talking about was "me" (ie the person that had done this/was known for that/was friends of so-and-so/relatives of such-and-such). I'd have been forever explaining to someone that "Yes it really is me - despite the different surname".

    How on earth would someone I'd never have clapped eyes on/but they'd heard of me on the community grapevine (for things I'd done with my life to date) have known that "Mrs His Surname" was me and I'd have felt I'd had to explain "My name is so-and-so and I'm the person that used to be known as x" every time for them to click "Oh yes - it's the person that did this/that/the other that I'm talking to"?
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