New Mums - stay at home or back to work?

FlashBarry · 1 July 2014 at 11:24PM

What did you decide to do?

We are having to make this decision soon and we do not have any family close by to help with day care.

For those that went back to work, what was the reason? There just wasn't enough money on one wage? You didn't want a gap in your career? Other reasons?

We just can't decide how to play this and we feel really nervous about leaving our precious bundle with a stranger at the nursery.

All comments welcome

penguin83 · 2 July 2014 at 1:04AM

I went back to work full time after each of my three babies (once maternity leave had ended) There were various reasons but one of the main ones was that we couldn't afford to live off one wage without claiming some government top up and I am a big believer in paying for your own children and we are proud of the fact that everything we have we paid for. The career I am in is one that I wouldn't have been able to get back into if I left and I was also thinking more long term for things like pension. There was also a small element of it what was expected of me. All my family (grandparents, parents, siblings etc) worked and it has always been the way.

Saying that though, I have not long gone back after my third baby after having a year off and if my OH earned enough to support us completely I wouldn't work. The year off with all three of my children was amazing. Stress free, loads of energy and we could do what we wanted, when we wanted with no clock watching or staying up overnight doing work related stuff and I could do housework at normal hours instead of in the middle of the night! You don't realise how much work takes out of you and how stressed you are until you stop!

Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and your family and no decision is completely irreversible. Wishing you lots of luck with your choice. xx

vroombroom · 2 July 2014 at 9:41AM

I think it depends on your family circumstances. If you can afford not to go back, then don't.

I went back quite early to work but to also finish my degree (son in nursery at 4 months) and 3 years later he is a happy, confident and social little lad who is due to start preschool in Sept. I believe if I'd stayed at home with him he wouldn't be the way he is now - rather the opposite? He loves the interaction with other kids.

We're in a position where I don't need to work, but I work part time in a supermarket 16 hours a week (just changed from nightshift) and I thoroughly enjoy it. Gives me a chance to be myelf rather than just mam mam mam mam all the time x (and the staff discount comes in handy:rotfl::rotfl:)

NoAngel · 2 July 2014 at 9:42AM

There is no correct decision that suits all families but you will make the right decision for your family.

I am going back to work part time. Luckily part time options are common in my profession and I wanted to go back to work to further my career (I'm only a few years into it).

We could 'manage' on the one wage but we would have no nice things such as holidays which is something that's important to us. We also need to move house ASAP which is only possible with some more savings and quicker debt reduction.

Additionally it's 'expected' within my family that mums go back to work- my mother did, as did my sister and many others.

I didn't want to work full time and luckily our mums are sharing the childcare so its worked out well for us.

Good luck with your decision.

laurabllue · 2 July 2014 at 10:25AM

I always intended that I'd take a couple of years off work after having children. However our little girl is now three months and I'm already thinking about going back to work part-time. I love her to bits but I find myself craving adult interaction that isn't based around babies. I've really surprised myself but am starting to look for part -time work already and considering going back when she's 6 monyhs, albeit hopefully only 2days a week.

Like NoAngel, we could manage on one wage, but by earning that bit extra we can afford to treat ourselves to holidays etc. We're fortunate that we have parents who are desperate to help with childcare so could do it without paid childcare until she's at least a year/18 months and then we'll probably look at nursery for the social side of it.

Gizmogiz · 2 July 2014 at 10:43AM

I have just returned part time after having 12 months off with my first baby. At one point before I'd even had the baby I did think about having a few years out but I worked my backside off over the last 10 years to get qualified and get to a senior position and if I had a few years out I would lose all that so I decided part time was a good compromise for now.
I don't enjoy my job really though and would love to get a similar job in a new company but its really hard to find part time work at my level.
Its a huge decision and you need to decide what is important for you as a family.

wendz86 · 2 July 2014 at 11:49AM

I returned to work 4 days a week and we have no help with childcare . we could have survived on one wage but it wouldn't give us any extra money to save, for holidays etc. Also I enjoy my job and feel like it gives me something to think about and also i enjoy my time off with my DD.

As others have said is a personal decision and obviously depends on your finances and whether your career is important to you.

notanewuser · 2 July 2014 at 12:07PM

I became unhappier and unhappier about the thought of going back to work as my maternity leave went on. I knew I didn't want the long hours and travelling I'd been doing before baby, and knew that going back part time would mean no change of promotion/moves to other companies for years. Having worked for 15 years on my career this made me very concerned.

Luckily I was offered enhanced redundancy which made the decision very easy. My husband and I started a company which he consults through full time, and I consult as and when I want to. DD is now 3.5 and has been at a part time playgroup for a year, which she loves. She has an incredibly strong bond with the children from our antenatal group that she wouldn't have had she gone to nursery at 1. She starts school in September and is more than ready. We were there for her first words, first steps etc. If she was ill, it wasn't an issue. When DH was working away for several weeks (nature of his work) I didn't have to worry about being exhausted at work as I could sleep when she slept.

We don't claim any benefits. We've modified our lifestyle to accommodate the reduction in income, and I've kept my skills up with courses and work projects.

dizziblonde · 2 July 2014 at 1:03PM

Economically with two very young kids (I've got 11 months between a 2 year old and a 1 year old it's not financially viable for me to be working. I love the time with the kids, and I love seeing them grow and develop - but it's lonely (especially if you don't manage to get in with the mummy clique where you live - ours have quite an unpleasant ringleader who didn't like me or my kids and after nigh on two years of smiling and trying to break barriers down I gave up on it) and you do tend to hit a point where your head feels like it'll explode if you get one more "mum mum mum mum mum mum mummmyyyyyy" sometimes!

I think it depends on the child but my eldest is at the point where I think she's really going to benefit from a couple of pre-school sessions in the new academic year - she gets a lot of stimulation and interaction here and is very very bright and articulate (has been counting beyond 10 and recognising numbers for a long while, same with phonics - and I've not explicitly been teaching her) - but I think she needs more of the social interaction than I can give her... I don't see her sister being the same when she hits the same age though - shall see how things pan out in that regard but they're very different personalities the pair of 'em.

Aunty-Pickle · 2 July 2014 at 1:27PM

I think whatever you decide, maybe fix a time to sit down and think about if you think it's right to continue. Don't be afraid to admit it's not working - if you find it's not working!! If whatever you do feels right and is working then be proud of yourself for making that decision!
And if it doesn't work, it won't mean you made a mistake, just that you were able to re-evaluate things later on with having more experience.

(Hope that makes sense!)

janninew · 2 July 2014 at 2:20PM

Hi OP,

I think most Mums can relate to that feeling of dread when it comes to leaving our little ones for the first time.

I took the full year and went back part time (3 days a week) term time only and this works well for us. We could manage on just one wage but I want to do more than 'manage.' With my extra money we can have a nice holiday, days out, 2 cars and I can treat my daughter. We would struggle to do those extras with just the one wage. Plus I really enjoy my job, I love the adult conversations and having my mind on other stuff than just toddlers!

Our family set up is perfect for us, I feel I get plenty of time with my daughter, but she also spends time with my Mum and 1 day in Nursery where she is coming on leaps and bounds and she loves playing with the other children. I'm not sure I could give her the experiences she currently has in a week if it were solely me doing the caring, plus I think me being independent of her and vice versa is healthy.

Hope you work something out that suits you.

New Mums - stay at home or back to work?

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