Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

mildred1978 · 16 August 2011 at 11:27PM

My husband works away from home for about 75% of the year - and earns a lot of money for it. Before our son came along that suited us both fine. Now I'm pretty much a single parent through the week, which I find hard work. But we take the view that while we're fit and healthy we should live this way. We have a healthy cushion put by for times when hubby's work is harder to find, or we want more quality time as a family.

If you have the backbone for it, I'd say give it a go. He can always quit if it doesn't work out. Just be aware that any routine you put in place during the week is likely to get wrecked when Daddy gets home on the weekend!

scoobydoobydoo · 17 August 2011 at 12:07AM

Petaldust wrote: »

If you're that much in debt why on earth are you having another child? No wonder Martin's email this week is about the importance of the introduction of debt education in schools :wall:

You have no idea about the OPs circumstances so you cant criticise her being pg. Off the top of my head......possibly fertility issues so grasping a chance at another child with both hands, religious or moral stand against abortion after failed contraception, pregnancy happened before the debt became an issue.....shall I go on?

When I read this on the newsletter I just KNEW that someone would post this so thank you for proving me right!

As for what is right for the OP to do....
As the mother of a 10 week old i have to admit that the thought of being alone 90% of the time would worry me alot. But then having debt to clear would worry me too. I think that I would look at what another poster above suggested, which is moving to Germany with him, atleast short term. Perhaps look at how long it will take you to pay off the debt if you were running one home in Germany (as opposed to two, if you were in Ireland) and agree to move with him for that amount of time. The at the end of that period have a rethink.

You wouldnt need to earn as much as you wouldnt be servicing your debts so he could perhaps then take a lower paid job in Ireland. Or you could afford more trips to see him, and him to come to you, if you were paying off what you owe.

Moving with him seems the best option that I can see. Good luck xx

scoobydoobydoo · 17 August 2011 at 12:09AM

and him to come to you, THAN if you were paying off what you owe.

ISAmad · 17 August 2011 at 2:43AM

The UK is no place to raise a child. Money worries aside.

If you've got the chance, get your kid out. It's like Lord of Flies.

brenda10 · 17 August 2011 at 7:14AM

You will be able to keep in contact with each other via phone, skype etc and if you are seeing each other every weekend that is great. Go to Ireland(my wonderful homeland) and in no time atall you will be debt free and can decide what you will do then. I am a midwife also and delighted to hear you are having another baby. Best wishes to you and your family.
XX

tgroom57 · 17 August 2011 at 8:10AM

MSE_Lee wrote: »

So we could stay here with his safe job but struggle for the next five years in a place I don't want to be, or move and have money but break the family apart.

You don't say how long the contract work in Germany will last- or what you both will do when that contract finishes.
If this is the first alternative job offer he has considered then maybe also look at creating a profile on https://www.linkedin.com

I agree it is important to have somewhere nice to raise your children, and looking ahead, some place you are happy about the schools. But when you find a nice place to live it doesn't have to be where you've been before.

Good luck ! I moved away to be nearer family and somewhere nice, but now I wish I had stayed near my beloved.

christmas_bells · 17 August 2011 at 8:55AM

I think it's a decision for you to make as a couple. What works for one family doesn't always work for another. I have a friend who's husband works away and she only sees him once every six weeks or so and that suits her fine but I would hate it if my husband worked away, I would feel lost and lonely. Everyone is different so you'll have to make the choice between yourselves!

shazpea · 17 August 2011 at 9:02AM

Go for it - when i was a kid we moved around all the time and for a while my dad commuted to Holland from England and we only saw him weekends - it paid the bills and as someone said before, it's a sacrifice but it's for the right reasons and it makes the time you have together much more special, you learn not to take each other for granted. It's not forever and if you're in Ireland you'll have family around you to help you with the kids and keep you company. If it gets the debt worries off your mind then great, and you've a great excuse to pop over to Germany for little breaks. In this economy you have to just go for the few opportunities.

bobthedambuilder · 17 August 2011 at 9:12AM

There are huge numbers of workers in the construction industry (and others) who spend the week (and longer) away from home, in order to give themselves and their family a better life. You have to go where the work is. You should at least give it a try, and see what comfort the reducing debt mountain gives you. It doesn't have to be forever.

FWIW I worked all over the world for a large part of my working life (I'm now retired). I'm still happily married (43 years), have 4 wonderful grown-up kids who we were able to give as much as they needed, we own our own house in the country and are debt-free with substantial assets and a good pension. All of which I feel justifiably proud of - I came from a working class background, and what we have we made ourselves. Our quality of life was immeasurably enhanced by my working away for a good salary for as long as we together felt it appropriate. Maybe it's not for everybody (you both have to be strong and sure in your relationship), but the benefits are undeniable.

demondoctor · 17 August 2011 at 9:15AM

No one can answer this question but yourself. It's not really a moral dilemma, but a decision that you and you family need to make your own.

Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free