My devil mother is seeking forgiveness before she dies!

I don't understand the advice to forgive in these situations. I guess a lot depends on your definition of forgiveness. I think of it as a pardon with a view to restoring a relationship. It is essentially done for the person who has wronged you, by you. Makes no sense to me.

I'm perfectly capable of moving past the wrongs that have been done to me, understanding why things happened and letting go of the anger and resentment caused by such wrongs.

To forgive is a step too far and not something I am interested in or see the value of.

In your case, OP, your mother is asking forgiveness for her as she faces her mortality. In a way, you're just an instrument to help her feel better about herself.

I'd ignore her request, I think, if I were you.

Confronting her and telling her how much you hate her will serve no useful purpose. It is telling, though, that you still feel hate and had such a strong reaction to her letter. It shows you are still very much tethered to that part of your life. That is not healthy and you need to figure out how to process and assimilate what happened to you and move on from it.

I wish you the best.

i'd put the questions of morality out of your head: how you feel, what you'd like to do is an entirely rational and normal response the the hurt inflicted on you as a child.

I think you need some support other than a non-specialist forum with people who, however well meaning, suggest a course of action that is applicable from their experience, but may well not apply here.

is there a nar-anon or al-anon in your area? (these are the ones for family father than the addicts, are low to no cost voluntary contributions and will be populated with people who understand exactly what you are going through and meet you where you are without judgement). Try a few groups though if you can, some may "fit" better than others, and I'm an atheist and it till worked for me

few thoughts though.

Is the only evidence you have of her terminal diagnosis her letter? I would advise extreme caution - would not be the first time I've known an addict lie about a terminal diagnosis, even to family, in order to fulfil some need.

she may very well still be active in her addiction, or basically still thinking in a manner as if she is. You will know what that means in terms of the futility of anything getting through to her and the impact on your psyche of trying, and whether it's worth it for you.

you don't owe her absolution, she gets to make her own peace with her maker. A process of forgiving what happened for your own sake: a being able to release that hurt and very justifiable anger doesn't include absolution, nor indeed does it have to involve her at all - it is worth while, but it takes a time and help, because it's hard, it's not about forgetting, and is a process not a decision.

whatever you decide will be the best decision - trust yourself and good luck.