£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Silver_Queen · 8 June 2017 at 10:18AM

I understand where you're coming from. I love shopping too. It's a real pleasure and joy for me, both the process of shopping and having pretty new things. My main weakness is make up. I love it, I love using it, I love buying it, I love just having it. I think the important thing is that even if you spend money on luxuries that you don't necessary need but just want, you must do it in a (somewhat) controlled manner that reflects your means.

I am always impressed with ladies on here who live very frugally but I can't do it, myself. I get too much joy out of shopping for frivolous lovely things to give it up entirely. It just ends badly and I feel hard done by, so I specifically keep a fairly sizeable budget for spending-on-frivolous-things money only and any extra money I make on top is added to the spending money pot. If I don't have this, my entire budget derails.

warby68 · 8 June 2017 at 10:35AM

I get it ToPM, you perhaps don't expect me to but I do. I like nice things - I allocate some budget to indulgence. Life is for living and all that. You can spend whatever is 'spare' on whatever you like and, frankly, fewer but nicer things suits me too :T

The problem and I can't emphasise this enough is that you have got yourselves in too deep and are in too risky a position not to actually take some real pain for a time just to mitigate some of the risk. What you still consider to be 'spare' shouldn't be yet. I know its only my opinion but the 2 keys risks I see are 1. Credit or at least interest free credit drying up and leaving you with unaffordable commitments - just look what difference your switch from interest bearing to 0% on one small bit of debt made - imagine it the other way on the whole lot :eek:
and 2. that you have no emergency fund yet have 3 children and a house in need of work. You are reliant on 2 incomes and have absolutely nothing, other than credit card capacity, for any bumps in the road more than say £50. You don't even have decent equity as a doomsday fallback scenario of sell up and start again.

Unless there is some underlying plan to call on family, some expectation that your income is going to rocket or put yourselves in a DMP or similar,I think this should be seen as too scary a position to be in with 3 children depending on you for the long term.

I have no wish to strip the joy from your life , or anyone but that's what I mean by a 'stadium floodlight lightbulb' moment. Its to do with the sheer precariousness of your position not to do with whittling down every purchase to miserable tat

For the record, I have just seen that John Lewis still sell my washing up bowl. Its the £8 one and has served me at least 5 years so far and I still like its squishy bottom :rotfl:

LMG1305 · 8 June 2017 at 11:00AM

Silver_Queen wrote: »

Well no, but I'd buy a nice washing up bowl as a treat to my hundreds of serving-girls who catered to my every whim....;)

:rotfl: What lucky serving girls you will have, I hope they would be very appreciative of the washing up bowl

On the same subject, I am also one who doesn't own a washing up bowl. But then I do have a dishwasher, so most of the dishes are washed in that anyway. If I do any washing up myself, I just fill the sink up.

Treadingonplaymobil · 8 June 2017 at 11:30AM

Silver_Queen wrote: »

I understand where you're coming from. I love shopping too. It's a real pleasure and joy for me, both the process of shopping and having pretty new things. My main weakness is make up. I love it, I love using it, I love buying it, I love just having it. I think the important thing is that even if you spend money on luxuries that you don't necessary need but just want, you must do it in a (somewhat) controlled manner that reflects your means.

I am always impressed with ladies on here who live very frugally but I can't do it, myself. I get too much joy out of shopping for frivolous lovely things to give it up entirely. It just ends badly and I feel hard done by, so I specifically keep a fairly sizeable budget for spending-on-frivolous-things money only and any extra money I make on top is added to the spending money pot. If I don't have this, my entire budget derails.

We are as one on this!

warby68 wrote: »

I get it ToPM, you perhaps don't expect me to but I do. I like nice things - I allocate some budget to indulgence. Life is for living and all that. You can spend whatever is 'spare' on whatever you like and, frankly, fewer but nicer things suits me too :T

The problem and I can't emphasise this enough is that you have got yourselves in too deep and are in too risky a position not to actually take some real pain for a time just to mitigate some of the risk. What you still consider to be 'spare' shouldn't be yet. I know its only my opinion but the 2 keys risks I see are 1. Credit or at least interest free credit drying up and leaving you with unaffordable commitments - just look what difference your switch from interest bearing to 0% on one small bit of debt made - imagine it the other way on the whole lot :eek:
and 2. that you have no emergency fund yet have 3 children and a house in need of work. You are reliant on 2 incomes and have absolutely nothing, other than credit card capacity, for any bumps in the road more than say £50. You don't even have decent equity as a doomsday fallback scenario of sell up and start again.

Unless there is some underlying plan to call on family, some expectation that your income is going to rocket or put yourselves in a DMP or similar,I think this should be seen as too scary a position to be in with 3 children depending on you for the long term.

I have no wish to strip the joy from your life , or anyone but that's what I mean by a 'stadium floodlight lightbulb' moment. Its to do with the sheer precariousness of your position not to do with whittling down every purchase to miserable tat

For the record, I have just seen that John Lewis still sell my washing up bowl. Its the £8 one and has served me at least 5 years so far and I still like its squishy bottom :rotfl:

Eight pounds?! Rip off

We are in a somewhat high risk position, but compared to the position of a year ago - when we were ploughing out hundreds a month more than we were bringing in, had no idea what our debt level was and basically were making no effort to control things - it all feels a lot more secure and safe. We have discussed our situation repeatedly, and broadly accepted that given the choice of (a) attempt serious frugal living like many here manage, give up after a month and maintain debt level (this has always been our previous tactic). or (b) go for a slower approach, start accruing an emergency fund as and when things allow, fully aware that if the proverbial you know what hits the fan, we will just have to use the credit cards and then enter a DMP when repayments become unmanageable, then option (b) is the one that currently works best for us. I'm not saying that will be the case forever, but even through huge changes in plan (no childcare available) and my big health scare a couple of months ago, our mindset hasn't particularly changed.

Which is a long winded way of saying that's exactly my point - for us, the lightbulb isn't be where others think it should, and it might be that we end up in crisis, but the monthly victory of reducing debt is sufficient, and better than the alternative, for us. Of course, we are hoping that my income level rises over the coming 12 months when DC3 starts preschool, which will cause things to naturally improve anyway (emergency fund and more debt payments), so our mindset may well shift yet again if that doesn't come to fruition.

debtaghh · 8 June 2017 at 11:48AM

I have been following your diary from the start and can't remember if I have commented but wanted to say I completely understand where you are coming from as am in the same situation. My downfall is booking UK breaks but like you said the main thing is for me is that I am clearing debt and not adding to it. I know some ppl disagree but like you said this diary is about you and you are clearing debt so that surely is something.

enthusiasticsaver · 8 June 2017 at 11:53AM

Interesting thoughts and for the record I would choose quality over quantity each time. We save for them though.

I think the joy is not necessarily through being frugal per se but knowing you have financial security, whether that is low or no debt, a mortgage free house, well funded pensions, money saved for nice holidays, helping out your kids or a new car or house.

That is the shift of mentality, the acceptance that you only buy what you can afford and you use your own money not debt and knowing that whatever life throws at you at least you are financially prepared for it. Aiming for that at the end of the journey was the motivation for us.

zippygeorgeandben · 8 June 2017 at 11:59AM

Treadingonplaymobil - yes I see your point about LBMs... is there a link between LBMs and then turning every light off in your house to save electricity.. is that why it's called a LBM?!
I'm with you at this moment into my journey, I'm about 9 months into mine and maybe I see it similar to dieting. I start off being really ruthless (no carbs, no treats etc) and then maybe I get worn down by it all.
I'm with you on the debts though, as long as it's going down it's progress. Some would say that the more you can throw at your debt, the quicker you will be debt free and this is correct but not everyone can do that every month.
If you were back here in 6 months time and the debt is going back up, then I think people are warrented in looking at your diary, wagging their finger and going 'tut tut tut', you might then look at these current posts and think 'Hmm'. Who knows what the future holds eh?!
Quick scenario for you, my debts yes are going down. I LOVE KATY PERRY. Tickets went on sale today. Last time I saw her I paid £100 per ticket only to have my view completely obstructed by 5 teenage girls who wouldn't sit down at all. Wasn't a great experience and my partner has vowed never to give the O2 arena money ever again. it still rankles with him now.
Anyway, I'm considering paying the top whack for tickets in a standing area in the best place possible, you get loads of extras as well. This costs £300 per ticket. I get it, it's ALOT of money £600 for 2 tickets for a show but it's next June, this is when our birthdays are and I'm still reducing my debts.
I'm rabbling here but what I'm saying is that if you know that you can still get your debts down and want to buy the odd thing and not go crazy, then go for it. You don't need me to patronize and tell you of the pitfalls and the potential slippery slope...

Or do you?!

enthusiasticsaver · 8 June 2017 at 12:04PM

Option b sounds ok to me too. You do have to live, just within your means and as long as the debt is going down and not up then this is the aim. You choose the pace as it is your life. You will get there in the end if you stick to this mantra.

Kantankrus_Mare · 8 June 2017 at 5:03PM

I read your thread every day and am amazed at your energy and capacity for getting through some of your to do lists.

You ARE doing well as the amount owed is going down and I think it took great courage to admit how you feel about the lightbulb situation.

Life is short and whilst I appreciate some on here do.........it makes a pretty miserable life to be scrimping and scraping ALL the time.

As long as you are aware that if you take your eye off the ball for any length of time, you end up back to square one....if not worse.

I think your lightbulb is flickering on enough for you to realise that though and you WILL get there! Just taking the longer route.

hex2 · 8 June 2017 at 5:31PM

Delurking to say that if I had to have a 'hairy shirt of debt suffering' it would be of finest cashmere in a really pretty colour. I'd work out the pence per wear and enjoy every moment of it.

Absolutely get where you are coming from. The difference LBM made for me is that now that I would put thought and effort into which cashmere hairy shirt, and buy at the best possible price rather than buying three, in an already high spend month, and then not wear two of them because I wasn't sure about the colour!

£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

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