My [37M] wife [33F] sulks for 4-5 days almost every time we have an argument

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gilbutre
gilbutre Posts: 434 Forumite
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Does it sound normal to you?
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  • System
    System Posts: 178,093 Community Admin
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    Passive aggression. Normal behaviour for some people, but not something I would (or could) put up with.
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
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    It might be .... to answer people'd really need to have been a witness to the whole argument and previous arguments etc etc.

    It could be something she is doing - or something she is doing because of you, so it might be 'your fault'.

    She might be sulking because she lost and doesn't like losing an argument.
    She might be sulking because you weren't listening and she should've won the argument as you're just wrong.

    Is she child-like?
    Are you child-like?

    Is she like that with everybody? Or just you?
    Do other people in your life stop speaking to you?

    It's complex.
  • arbrighton
    arbrighton Posts: 2,011 Forumite
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    What are the random numbers/ letters about?
  • gettingtheresometime
    gettingtheresometime Posts: 6,911 Forumite
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    arbrighton wrote: »
    What are the random numbers/ letters about?

    I think it's to indicate the age & sex of the parties involved.

    Isn't this a case of deja vu?
  • rach_k
    rach_k Posts: 2,236 Forumite
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    It depends what the arguments are about!

    You left a teabag in the sink - way OTT and unusual.

    You had an affair - probably an under-reaction

    You left a teabag in the sink for the 106th time despite her asking you not to and explaining that it upsets her but you tell her to **** off and tidy it up herself - maybe justified.
  • gilbutre
    gilbutre Posts: 434 Forumite
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    PasturesNew wrote: »
    It might be .... to answer people'd really need to have been a witness to the whole argument and previous arguments etc etc.

    It could be something she is doing - or something she is doing because of you, so it might be 'your fault'.

    She might be sulking because she lost and doesn't like losing an argument.
    She might be sulking because you weren't listening and she should've won the argument as you're just wrong.

    Is she child-like?
    Are you child-like?

    Is she like that with everybody? Or just you?
    Do other people in your life stop speaking to you?

    It's complex.

    She has a problem with time, scheduling things and is kinda negligent about it, as a result of which I sometimes find myself forced by her to fix the consequences, like four days ago. I refused to do so and now she sulks.

    We're both generally not child-like, she does that only with me (but only lives with me too so...) and is the only one doing it with me (same, I only live with her)
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550 Forumite
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    arbrighton wrote: »
    What are the random numbers/ letters about?

    I thought they were clothing measurements or something.
  • gilbutre
    gilbutre Posts: 434 Forumite
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    avogadro wrote: »
    Passive aggression. Normal behaviour for some people, but not something I would (or could) put up with.

    I told her to stop doing that, 5 days feels excessive to me. But she doesn't. I won't divorce for that, we have kids too. Only idea I have is when she comes back to me I tell her "my turn, see you in 5 days". Or maybe I can say 10 days. Apart from that I have no clue how to manage it.
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341 Forumite
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    People who are sulkers (personally I prefer a good row) generally show it sooner rather than later. So if she only shows it with you and it wasn't in evidence before you married, then you've probably driven her to it.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,093 Community Admin
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    gilbutre wrote: »
    I told her to stop doing that, 5 days feels excessive to me. But she doesn't. I won't divorce for that, we have kids too. Only idea I have is when she comes back to me I tell her "my turn, see you in 5 days". Or maybe I can say 10 days. Apart from that I have no clue how to manage it.

    What is the sulker trying to gain from the situation? Power over somebody else, perhaps? The enjoyment of having somebody chase after them and try to get them to talk. Perhaps they have in mind refusing to speak until the 'wrong' that's been done to them gets rectified.

    Making them feel and look silly for being so childish is probably the best course of action.
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