I am Back .. cant believe how crazy ive gotten

mumofthetwins · 24 April 2017 at 12:17PM

Hi Guys
So I haven't been around for a while but I have to say that I was flying a few year ago with your help .. I was post separation and I even had the boys telling me to buy cheaper products

well roll on to now .. my partner has moved in and my spends have gone crazy .. Hes a bit of a brand snob and buys loads of things that I would never have wasted my money on in the past .. he has 2 baths a day and always moans to put the heating on (we used to wear house coats and layer up)
So its either I throw him out or try to change his ways lol Does anyone have any tips ?
It is getting to the point where I am spending what I used to spend a month in a week !
help ...

Lisa x

Stevie_Palimo · 24 April 2017 at 12:19PM

Tell him to make up the additional costs you are incurring if he says no then say you know where the door is Mr !!!

mumofthetwins · 24 April 2017 at 12:38PM

He is giving me some money as he still has all the costs from his house as he hasn't found a tenant yet, but it doesn't cover much and I know he doesn't have that much spare.
I think I am going to have to tell him its this non brand item or nothing ..
I think im a bit hesitant as it took me ages to get over ex hubbie leaving and me making any kind of commitment, I know it sounds stupid and I know what I would say if it was someone else.
Lisa x

Stevie_Palimo · 24 April 2017 at 1:29PM

mumofthetwins wrote: »

He is giving me some money as he still has all the costs from his house as he hasn't found a tenant yet, but it doesn't cover much and I know he doesn't have that much spare.
I think I am going to have to tell him its this non brand item or nothing ..
I think im a bit hesitant as it took me ages to get over ex hubbie leaving and me making any kind of commitment, I know it sounds stupid and I know what I would say if it was someone else.
Lisa x

I think everyone worries when an issue needs to explained to a partner or other type of family member/friend but being open and honest is always the best policy in 99% of cases.

melanzana · 24 April 2017 at 1:33PM

Is there any reason he is so short of income, apart from waiting to let his house out?

Have either of you considered moving into his house and letting YOURS out?

I know I am going to sound judgmental, and I don't know all the facts, but it appears to be a teeny bit one sided to me.

But maybe you will clarify.

On the other hand, honesty is the key here. Do up a budget and show him.

I wouldn't mind helping someone over a difficult patch, but I wouldn't do it forever either.

mumofthetwins · 24 April 2017 at 1:49PM

thanks guys
I have 2 boys who go to a fab school so wouldn't move (they are my top priority) and his is to small in anyway. we have been dating for a few years and decided he should move in and we take the next step.
I know he doesn't earn a lot and still pays mortgage rates and stuff on his house but he doesn't seem in any rush to find a tenant and the amount my energy bills and shopping costs have gone up, what he does give me comes no where near.
I was hoping I would be able to get him to come more round to my thinking and mebbies make changes.
I have told him my priority at the minute is saving for the boys uni .. I know its a few years off yet but they are both very clever and I want to make sure the choice is there for them.
Lisa x

Livelongandprosper · 24 April 2017 at 2:31PM

Well one good thing is, it's coming into summer so heating costs should go down

Baths, do you have a shower he could use instead?

General shopping, do the meal plan together, then you shop alone. Start saving the empty bottles/jars of branded products and fill with your usual brand. 9 times out of 10 he won't notice. The ones he does notice and complains about are the ones you might have to go back branded

Bills. Do you have any from the same time last year so you can show him in black and white how much extra he's costing? If he can see the increase it will be easier to ask him for more of a contribution or easier for you to insist on cutting back on the electric and gas

mumofthetwins · 24 April 2017 at 2:39PM

Thanks ..
yep we do have a shower but he has always said he prefers baths (he only had a bath in his house) .. good thinking with the summer months though (yay).
I did meal plan yesterday and I am going to shop tonight (I think I will go after work so hes not home and cant come

He is a pain .. he always wants fruit juices and silly picky things and not the cheaper ones, he also always only eats half a packet of stuff then wants a different one and throws it out (drives me mad) .. almost like a spoilt child.
I am going to try the swap .. im sure he wouldn't even notice the difference in most things and it would save a bit

Thanks

Livelongandprosper · 24 April 2017 at 2:46PM

mumofthetwins wrote: »

Thanks ..
yep we do have a shower but he has always said he prefers baths (he only had a bath in his house) .. good thinking with the summer months though (yay).
I did meal plan yesterday and I am going to shop tonight (I think I will go after work so hes not home and cant come
He is a pain .. he always wants fruit juices and silly picky things and not the cheaper ones, he also always only eats half a packet of stuff then wants a different one and throws it out (drives me mad) .. almost like a spoilt child.
I am going to try the swap .. im sure he wouldn't even notice the difference in most things and it would save a bit
Thanks

Reading that,I'd not let him near me when doing the food shop

Seriously if he's wanting things for his sole consumption, that's personal spends and he should be buying his own.

I've done this with my husband, our kids and now I do it with the grandkids. There's biscuits and crisps bought, they either have those, go without or buy their own. And when they are done, they are done till my next shop. Same with toiletries, it's use what I've supplied, or buy your own

It's worked and even our daughter does the same with the kids and her husband

mumofthetwins · 24 April 2017 at 2:55PM

Livelongandprosper wrote: »

Seriously if he's wanting things for his sole consumption, that's personal spends and he should be buying his own.

I've done this with my husband, our kids and now I do it with the grandkids. There's biscuits and crisps bought, they either have those, go without or buy their own. And when they are done, they are done till my next shop. Same with toiletries, it's use what I've supplied, or buy your own

I think I will give this a try .. my kids are fine they just eat what I give them and drink cordial which I always have in ... if I do a shop tonight then I think I will just say that's it until next week and if he wants anything he gets it himself

[Deleted User] · 24 April 2017 at 4:12PM

If you want to be sneaky AND save money decant all the goods he likes in a 'branded' item into big jars but cut them 50% with the cheapest economy brand of whatever it is that you can find. Make sure it really is mixed in well and see if he notices any difference. If he doesn't try 40% expensive and 60% economy next time and if he doesn't notice keep reducing the expensive one in the mix, it might save you a fortune. Don't let him see the packets as lots of 'own brand' goods are made and packed in the same factories as the expensive ones and there's not a lot of difference in the taste. What they eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over!!!

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I am Back .. cant believe how crazy ive gotten

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