Divorcing the debt and the fella.
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What did you have on today that was so stressful? Sorry for missing it if you already said." Your vibe attracts your tribe":D
Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.200 -
What did you have on today that was so stressful? Sorry for missing it if you already said.
Basically I'm on a weekly sign on for JSA at the moment, I have huge array of mental health problems (autism, anxiety, mood disorder etc) and am currently not on medication so I find going very stressful. I have to leave an hour and a half before my appointment. Get the bus into city centre, 5 minute walk to the next bus stop to get that to near the job centre and another 5 minute walk. Public transport has always been a struggle but I try. Getting there isn't too bad, stressful but manageable. Once there the noise, amount of people and constant changing (advisor changes, they keep changing how and where you put your book so the advisor knows you're there etc) sets my anxiety off. Again I push through but travelling back then gets to me as I have to wait anything up to an hour for the bus back to city centre, more people and noise to wait for another bus to get home. Usually the bus home is crowded so I have to choose between sitting and almost missing my stop due to trying to get through the crowd to the front of the bus or standing which my body doesn't cope with (I also have various physical disabilities - mostly in my back and joints).
It drains me at the best of times, hopefully though moving to the local job centre will be easier as it's about 15-20 minute walk, or I can hop on the bus and be there in about 5 minutes depending on traffic.
Today though had the added stress of not being normal. Basically I was supposed to change to the local job centre so I wasn't given another sign on date as I would get that as part of the move if that makes sense. But when we phoned they said because the switch takes a few days they do it after your pay sign week which for me was this one, that way if it takes a few extra days your money doesn't get messed up. So we had to travel to my old job centre, explain to someone and ask for them to try and sign me on so I will still get paid on Monday. Now this is fine written down, but obviously the combination of anxiety about the change and unknown with the fact my autism slows down my processing of information then causes my mood disorder to flare up. So I could end up walking out, I could end up crying or I could full on meltdown and basically shut down emotionally like a zombie for days.
Luckily my best friend came with me, did all the explaining bit and the bloke was lovely and dug out my paperwork. It wasn't where it should be which started my anxiety to flare up but he told me it was fine he could do it by NI number so rattled that off and he found me and got it all signed and updated as quick as possible.
So my best friend is cooking good english comfort food tonight (cottage pie) and keeping an eye on me. I can feel my levels slowly settling but still unpredictable. Right now for example I'm tearing up for no reason, but will stop crying in less than 30 seconds. Only to start again in 5 minutes.
Once I'm set up with the new doctor I will discuss getting sorted with the local mental health team. Possibly go back on meds or take some time off from JSA and go on ESA for a month or two and get my head sorted. Determined to try though. I don't actually go to the doctor much, which is why I get lower rate PIP, but I'm just used to the fact that other than more meds which make me feel like a zombie they can't really do much to help me. But who knows, a different doctor so the system may be better here.
I've been medication free for a year now, it's hard to know if it was worth it though as that meant through all of the hell of the last year I have felt everything times ten. Which has been lovely in the sense that I was feeling things, but horrible in the sense that heartbreak, death etc aren't fun things to feel.
My best friend and my father live in the same block of flats as me so aside from sleeping they are usually here which is a huge comfort (:No more making the same mistakes!
Debt Paid £549/£2735 20.1%0 -
Todays to do list was
Sort drivers licence - done
Go to the jobcentre - done
Phone jobcentre about transfer
Go to the supermarket for veggies for cottage pie - done
Update myfitnesspal done
Calories 1512 - Goal 1528
Carbs 144 - Goal 198
Fat 77 - Goal 47
Protein 52 - Goal 79
Sodium 801 - 2300
Sugar 18 - Goal 57
I already added dinner in. So basically despite today not being the healthiest aside from going over on fat content I haven't done too bad. Again I exercised some self control and put down the sausage rolls, I still have another pasty and a pack of sausage rolls. Hoping to not touch them until tomorrow but truthfully I may end up snacking in the early hours due to messed up sleep pattern. But this month is very much about documentation. I will log exercise as it happens but try not too push myself too much, log binges while trying to have self control. So next month I will have the information I need to properly make the changes. Dad has got me some yoghurts as I used to love granola and yoghurt for breakfast, he's also got me some salad bits and those individual porridge sachets so I can't make too much. All reduced to clear bits so must keep an eye on them.
I've also helped with dinner by making some gravy, it was a little thin but other than that it looks good. I did try to thicken it up but it just didn't want to play ball and thicken up anymore than I told it too. But I'll try not to get too stressed out about it.
We have some diced turkey breast in the freezer, while grabbing veg for tonight we spotted a bag of stir fry veg reduced down to 90p big enough to do 3 large portions of stir fry tomorrow night. So grabbed some fresh noodles and that's tomorrow night planned (:No more making the same mistakes!
Debt Paid £549/£2735 20.1%0 -
Today I have earned 138 points on swagbucks, just by watching videos on my iPhone (they have an app - you earn 2SB per 4-5 videos. Max 36SB a day), did one survey (100SB just to give my opinion on sports clothes brands), the daily poll (1SB just to say what I thought of the red carpet dresses) and for having the SB button on my browser (1SB).
The videos play automatically through to the next so I popped that next to the laptop and did some work while watching movie trailers, so the only actual effort I put in was the daily poll which took a matter of seconds and the survey which took something like 10 minutes. Could have been a few more though.
I now have 442SB (only took me two days!) - I need another 407 to get a £5 amazon gift card. I will put £5 from my bank into the mystery debt (£120) fund and use the £5 for either me or christmas stuff.
So my plan is every day to switch on the app and have that run through the videos until I reach 36SB, do the daily poll and check out what surveys are on. Saying that, there are still 3 more surveys waiting for me... According to the details I could complete them all in 37 minutes so I may have to go do them shortly :PNo more making the same mistakes!
Debt Paid £549/£2735 20.1%0 -
Subscribing. Will be back later xxVirtual Pot #25 £0.00/£350.00
A black belt only covers 2 inches of your a$$ - You have to cover the rest yourself - Royce Gracie0 -
liltdiddylilt wrote: »Subscribing. Will be back later xx
Thank you (:
It's no where near as interesting as yours unfortunately. Although I do have a crazy cat. Actually he's currently looking at me upside down because he's too lazy to turn around but wants to check I'm still here lol.
Hmm what have I accomplished today? Not a lot. Sorted as much of the job centre stuff as I can, now I just need to wait for the call back to give me an appointment.
Anxiety has settled but unfortunately it played up with my mood disorder and adhd first. So I didn't go to sleep until 9am and now watching movies and crying about nothing in particular. Legs keep cramping up and my back is all locked up.
So I need a slow day today. Just waiting for it to hit 5, because the job centre said if I haven't had my call back by 5 then it will be tomorrow. Until then I'm keeping an eye on my phone in case it rings and just wanting it over and done with.
The cat obviously isn't feeling like being up, he just stuck his paws over his face and went back to sleep. I absolutely adore him. Just having him curled up next to makes me feel less vulnerable. Even if he does have a terrible habit of grooming his genital region on the bed lmao.
So todays small to do list
Call job centre done
Fill pepperplate with delicious recipes, meal plan and figure out shopping list. £50 budget for the month - I have a freezer full of meat so just fridge stuff and a couple of cupboard bits to restock
Sort out a new nectar card done
Find the black bin bags! I put them down the other day and haven't seen them since, I also can't remember where I put them
Go on swagbucks and complete the point goal for today doing nowNo more making the same mistakes!
Debt Paid £549/£2735 20.1%0 -
NN - You are doing so well. Just readinfg your account of how much it takes out of you to get to the job centre made me feel exhausted, so goodness knows how you must feel. You sound like you have some good support in your friend & father though, and that is worth its weight in gold.
Pah ha ha, what is it about cats & that leg in the air, yes Im licking my butt what of it? look they give you. I swear ours knows why we are laughing at him & gets the hump." Your vibe attracts your tribe":D
Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.200 -
Hi huni,
You have my sympathies with JSA offices. This is my first time claiming (although I am claiming ESA due to my mental illness) and today I popped to my home (staying at Mum and Dad's as I require full time care) to discover a letter from them saying I had an appointment in 2 hours time! Cue mega stress, but because Dad was with me he helped....all they wanted to do was check if there was anything they could do or put into place to help me while I waited for my assessment.
I apologise in advance for how this sounds, but reading your posts and the things that you find so difficult would it not be better for you to go onto ESA rather than JSA? At least until things settle down, I mean, in all honesty, how would you cope with a new job right now? Could your anxiety cope with the interviews? (I'm asking this because my biggest issue with being unable to work is that I couldn't cope with interviews, or new work collegues, or the rejection if I didn't get a job)
Definitely get yourself referred to the local CMHT asap huni, waiting times are horrendous (at least in my area). Were you under CMHT before you moved? Did you ask them to move you to your new CMHT area?
Hope you get some sleep tonight, I'm also having difficulty sleeping and I know how frustrating it can be.
Much Love,
RuthCredit card respend 2551.58 (15/02/17)0 -
Sorry, forgot some potentially useful info for you re SWTV....
You said that you put in the code to get the points but then it just said 99% right? That happens on mine but the 3SB have been applied and once I click on a new video the meter starts again. HTHCredit card respend 2551.58 (15/02/17)0 -
NN - You are doing so well. Just readinfg your account of how much it takes out of you to get to the job centre made me feel exhausted, so goodness knows how you must feel. You sound like you have some good support in your friend & father though, and that is worth its weight in gold.
Pah ha ha, what is it about cats & that leg in the air, yes Im licking my butt what of it? look they give you. I swear ours knows why we are laughing at him & gets the hump.
How I feel... Well cranky toddler would probably explain it best. It completely exhausts me, but that makes me over tired and can't shut off so then I end up moody and then finally fall asleep and sleep like a log for hours and then wake up as if nothing happened lol.
I'm determined to get a job eventually though, but I have considered going on ESA so I can job search on my own terms. On JSA it's all about the quantity of jobs applied for, not the quality. My last job I didn't get by applying via the ad. Instead I went to their site, sent them an email about what I liked about the site and the store and a little bit about me and asked if they wanted my cv. They took cv, asked me to come in and then told me they wanted me to do a trial but to bring my paperwork as they would most likely hire me.
My cat has twisted himself at impossible angles so he can lick all along his spine. It's rather creepy lol. Best go accomplish some more things! Or at least argue with the tv which has suddenly decided to do it's own thing.....No more making the same mistakes!
Debt Paid £549/£2735 20.1%0
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