Advice needed - House or Wedding?

[Deleted User] · 2 March 2017 at 6:01PM

mai_taylor wrote: »

Well that's not true at all. I loved my wedding, so did my husband and all our friends and family. I can always get more money to buy a house I can't always make more special memories.

At my wedding, we were fortunate to have 2 sets of our grandparents present. A few years later, two have passed on - So there ARE consequences for delaying weddings if you want to see your elderly relatives there.

Primrose · 2 March 2017 at 6:02PM

House first for me without a doubt. I,m shocked today when a I see the huge amounts people spend on weddings, going into debt, and then the couple moves into a rented property and spent a couple of years paying off wedding debts before they can even start saving for a house.
Is your fianc!e just mesmerised with the glamour of the wedding and keeping up with her friends? You sound as if you!ve got your head screwed on properly. You need to try and find a reasonable compromise but if you can,t son,t be pressured into going into debt for a few hours of glamour just to impress friends and family. Also be sure that that on other financial issues your ideas are in synch about saving and the use of credit or your marriage will be full of disruptive arguments.

lobbyludd · 2 March 2017 at 6:15PM

Do the pair of you agree about the type of house, area, cost, number of bedrooms, etc, etc?

It's not just a wedding that has options.

what are your wishes about life/children/plans for careers/working.

I don't think either of you have explored your own and each other's expectations properly.

I'd suggest that as a compromise you save for both equally so you can do the two together (or within a reasonable time frame of say 6 months).

but this requires that you sit down, discuss and agree on what you want for everything and set a budget for each.

it's not wrong to want to get married before committing to a 25 year mortgage with someone, and it's not wrong to want to buy a house before buying a wedding event. they are both valid pov.

But if the pair of you want to go forward together you both have to compromise and right now I don't see that EITHER of you are.

selement · 2 March 2017 at 7:39PM

We did wedding first and so having got married last year are now working on saving for a house! Most people I know seem to be favouring the opposite way. Both weddings and houses seem to increase in cost year by year much more than anything else.

Because we would buy a bigger house than we rent I suspected our monthly payments on a mortgage would be more than current rent, so I thought we'd save for both quickest in this order (luckily landlord has kept rent the same). If you think mortgage repayments would be less that might be the way to go?

Also worth considering people often gift money at weddings which might give you a headstart on the house deposit at least if you did get married first although obviously you can't depend too much on that!

Pollycat · 2 March 2017 at 8:21PM

tensandunits wrote: »

There's too much pressure on people these days to have a huge wedding they can barely afford, and ridiculous stag and hen 'weekends'!

I think people put too much pressure on themselves to have a huge wedding.
I recall a thread where the groom-to-be was bemoaning that he couldn't afford a photo booth, a popcorn station and some other bizarre and unnecessary gimmick.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted · 2 March 2017 at 8:32PM

Personally, I'd rather get married and stay in rented accommodation, because what's more important to me is being married to him, not immediately owning something we could buy later. But that's probably because there's no way we could afford an 'average' wedding, never mind a deposit on a house.

pearl123 · 2 March 2017 at 10:40PM

A house. It's your future.

blues · 2 March 2017 at 11:18PM

House every time. Weddings are embarrassingly indulgent these days and it's even worse when the couple haven't bought a house yet, but are still spending excessive amounts on a wedding.

System · 3 March 2017 at 12:05AM

I know strictly speaking if we're being traditional you're supposed to get married first, but a house is a bigger priority to me. I want us to be able to live together and have somehwere to call home.Once we've got that we can get married after (if we get married, neither of us is that fussed on the marriage and kids part). I wouldn't want to rent for another 5 years or something just to have a fancy wedding.

Katgrit · 3 March 2017 at 12:26AM

Sounds like you want a marriage and she wants a Wedding. Two very different things.

Advice needed - House or Wedding?

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