Looking for the silver lining

Sun_Addict · 9 December 2015 at 10:45PM

Still done nothing about FB friend request from my dad. Really don't know what to do so am doing nothing at the moment.

Mr SA now 3 days carer free, he's had two falls so far this week, hurt his knee and back. Left him in charge of online big shop delivery today, came home from work and the frozen stuff was in the fridge totally defrosted

Felt a bit sad today when work mate was talking about her OH doing all the cleaning on Fridays when he finishes work early. Mr SA does stuff all and he's off all the time. I leave him a list but he says he's got enough to do already with the dog! Sometimes I get SO fed up of having to do everything.

Some good news in that DS has finally passed his driving test on his third attempt. He failed twice on a tricky roundabout, his instructor threatened to bury him on it if he failed again and his GF said she would bring the spade. So he had no choice really.

*Robin* · 10 December 2015 at 1:44PM

Hello Sun.A, :hello:

It's been a long time since I've popped into your thread, for which I apologise.

First of all many congrats to your DS for passing his test; hope he now makes himself useful re family driving tasks! :T
Second, great news that you've got another holiday booked - it's always positive to have a treat to look forward to, especially when you know what to expect (having been to the place before

). My DS2 & GF have just spent a couple of weeks exploring Lanzarote; they had a good time bar the minor hassle of him preferring mountain walks while she was more interested in shopping and restaurants, lol.

Can't help wondering whether your DH might not have been better off with a female carer.. Someone to be there if he falls, but who'd also help out with a little housework etc. Hope the situation is revised soon anyway; it must be such a worry for you every time you have to leave DH to his own devices..

As for your Dad. Did you check both of your FB message boxes to see whether he'd put some kind of note alongside his friend request? Maybe he's not well, or has recently lost a mate and it's made him think that there might not be much time to make amends for the estrangement? Or perhaps he's just mellowed - like most of us do - as he's got older, and regrets losing contact with you? If the split with your Mum was acrimonious, it was much easier in those days for Dads to simply be excluded from their kids' lives, whether they wanted that or not (no bad reflection on your Mum, it's just the way things were in the majority of families <shrug>).

Btw, I used to know Rolands Gill; one of DH's sisters lived there. Seem to remember it was notable for having no pub, although that's probably changed by now.

Sun_Addict · 10 December 2015 at 10:05PM

Thank you Robin and you have echoed what a lot of people have said regarding dads being excluded years ago. I checked my FB account for messages but there are none. I think I would've preferred it if there had been. Strangely he has recently lost his wife - you are so intuitive. My half sister has told me that he always thought of me but found it painful to talk about me, he had shown her photos of me. My mum was so hurt at the time he left she wanted to cut all ties. Part of me thinks she would turn in her grave another part of me thinks she would be curious.

Mr SA has been out for a coffee today with the ex-carer. He enjoyed it. The care assessment report arrived today and it upset him as it made him sound worse than he is. It said no cognitive skills,made no eye contact, no ability to make decisions, very unsteady on his feet, high risk of falls, slurred inaudible speech, unable to communicate and virtually housebound without supervision. Understandably it's upset him. They have recommended he still needs a carer and social services are still prepared to pay for one. He is still adamant he doesn't need anyone. Hey ho!

Another work do for me tomorrow - the annual fuddle. Finance wise I've just received £58 from Topcashback which brings my total this year to just over £200. Considering buying the Soap and Glory set tomorrow - have enough Advantage points to get it for free.

please-let-me-be-lucky · 10 December 2015 at 11:23PM

Deffo get the S&G set tomorrow. You totally deserve it.

Congrats to DS on passing his driving test :j.

Assessment sounds like tough reading. We felt like that about Mr Lucky's Xx

beanielou · 11 December 2015 at 9:35AM

Treat yourself to the soup and glory set. It's free after all:money:

Buffythedebtslayer · 11 December 2015 at 8:28PM

I hope you are reading this with the soap and glory gift set next to you. Sorry about the assessment from Mr SA's point of view. Tho I am kinda pleased from your point of view. I know it is probably inaccurate but it at least means more support and less worry for you. As in if it turns out he can't manage without a carer you have the option of having one.

Regarding your Dad. I don't know. I think I would message him? I am not sure my curiosity could be put back in the bag if you see what I mean? But then I am not in your position. hmmm.

XX

brizzledfw · 11 December 2015 at 10:45PM

Hi there...popping by. Sorry for being AWOL. So, interesting times. At least you have the option of whether to get in contact with your dad? But can see how's it not easy.

Re Mr SA..well I think it helps to have an independent assessment every once in a while. Am sure its depressing for him, but sounds like you don't disagree with/object to the verdict (which says something?)

If you can coax him into having a carer, and perhaps one who will do some household tasks with him as Robin suggests, perhaps stipulate that in the JD re independent living? Sounds like it could work for both of you.

Have a great weekend

x

brizzledfw · 11 December 2015 at 10:46PM

Yep and get that S&G set, pronto

:money:

muppets · 12 December 2015 at 2:08PM

Sun_Addict wrote: »

Still done nothing about FB friend request from my dad. Really don't know what to do so am doing nothing at the moment.

I was in the same position as you 6 years ago. I hadn't talked to my dad for 30 years, not my choice. My dad contacted my sister 1st and then me, I told him I was willing to give it a chance and that I wanted to take things slow. I am happy I gave it a chance, only you can decide what is best for you. Just remember if you do add him and then change your mind you can delete and block just as quick and easy.

satchmo1 · 12 December 2015 at 3:50PM

Thinking about the FB request - how about PM-ing him and saying you aren't comfortable with linking up via FB, but maybe agree to trial contact via Whatsapp.

I'm not sure if, in your position, I'd want to be visible to his FB circle, nor would I want him having access to my FB circle, certainly until you've had a chance to assess whether you want continuing contact.

Looking for the silver lining

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