Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give as much if I'm only going to the evening do?

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  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,580
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    -taff wrote: »
    My partners sister is geting married next year, and he is not invited to the wedding itself.

    If they invite him, and his stepbrother and sister [and their children], then they have to invite the grooms brothers and sisters , of which there are many, and their respective children, of which there are many, so it'll be parents only, and witnesses.

    Neither of us are miffed by that, we understand.

    We won't be buying a cheaper present or being mortally offended to only go to the night do.

    That's a really great attitude. :T
    I hope you have a good time at the 'do'. :beer:
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773
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    We all have a circle of connections in life which occurs naturally

    Inner circle - Close family and best friends
    Outer circle - 'Not so close family' and Friends

    Not everyone you meet is going to share the same close connection with you, and may stay in the outer circle forever, it is not an insult to you or them, it is natural.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Frogletina
    Frogletina Posts: 3,865
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    I have three female cousins and did/do not see them very often - or my uncle and auntie as they do not live near to me.

    The first cousin married and it was just me and my husband who were invited to the wedding, reception and the evening do.

    The second cousin married and the two of us and my three children were invited to the wedding, reception and the evening do.

    The third married and although by then I had split up with my husband we were both invited with the children to just the evening do.

    I accepted that in each case the couple marrying had chosen who was to be invited to what part of the wedding, without pressure from my auntie or uncle, and I am sure that it didn't affect what I bought them.

    I've no idea who was invited to the wedding ceremony of the third cousin, but I didn't feel slighted. I was pleased with the invitation that I had.

    I doubt I will be invited to their children's weddings as I know them even less.

    And that's fine.
    Not Rachmaninov
    But Nyman
    The heart asks for pleasure first
    SPC 8 £1567.31 SPC 9 £1014.64 SPC 10 # £1164.13 SPC 11 £1598.15 SPC 12 # £994.67 SPC 13 £962.54 SPC 14 £1154.79 SPC15 £715.38 SPC16 £1071.81⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Declutter thread - ⭐⭐🏅
  • Don't feel obliged to do anything and simply give what you want. I got an email, voicemail and call asking me for money to chip in for a present. Is was like £20 or something but not something I was comfortable with for a number of reasons. I simply just ignored all request. How dare someone impose such a request on someone else?
  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515
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    ska_lover wrote: »
    We all have a circle of connections in life which occurs naturally

    Inner circle - Close family and best friends
    Outer circle - 'Not so close family' and Friends

    Not everyone you meet is going to share the same close connection with you, and may stay in the outer circle forever, it is not an insult to you or them, it is natural.

    Exactly, you can't be everyone's best friend and that's fine. So going back to the dilemma in the OP, would you expect to spend the same on a wedding present (or any kind of present really) for an outer circle relative/friend as you would on a wedding present for an inner circle relative/friend?
  • sally0101
    sally0101 Posts: 164
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    I am getting married in the near future and I would not expect a present from any of my guests. If people choose to get us something then that is lovely and we would be grateful for anything, no matter how much they spent.

    We have invited them as guests because they are important to us, and when we have chosen some as evening only guests, this is purely down to cost and what we could afford for the meals etc. It has nothing to do with how good a friend they are or who we like more.

    If they came along to celebrate the whole day with us and did not bring anything, that would be totally fine. There should be no expectations at all. People talk about "the usual thing to do", but this is just because people follow what everyone else does, like sheep. Be your own person, have your own mind and make your own decision. Do not feel you have to follow what others do.
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773
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    Pixie5740 wrote: »
    Exactly, you can't be everyone's best friend and that's fine. So going back to the dilemma in the OP, would you expect to spend the same on a wedding present (or any kind of present really) for an outer circle relative/friend as you would on a wedding present for an inner circle relative/friend?

    I wouldn't expect any present from anyone.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515
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    edited 17 October 2016 at 9:36AM
    ska_lover wrote: »
    I wouldn't expect any present from anyone.

    That's not what I asked. I asked if you would spend the same on a present for an outer circle friend as you would on an inner circle friend, not what you would expect to receive from either set of friends.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,580
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    Pixie5740 wrote: »
    That's not what I asked. I asked if you would spend the same on a present for an outer circle friend as you would on an inner circle friend, not what you would expect to receive from with set of friends.

    I don't know about ska lover but I certainly wouldn't spend the same on a gift for an outer circle friend as I would for an inner circle friend.

    I'm not sure if anyone would.
    Surely you'd spend more on a closer friend or relative......?
  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I don't know about ska lover but I certainly wouldn't spend the same on a gift for an outer circle friend as I would for an inner circle friend.

    I'm not sure if anyone would.
    Surely you'd spend more on a closer friend or relative......?

    Exactly and that's what the OP was about but for some reason ska lover won't answer that question.
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