Lending money to friends & family

savvy · 28 July 2005 at 4:58PM

It's noticeable that some posters have had similar experiences with lending money to others, whilst it can be a rewarding activity, it's not the case for everyone. Therefore this thread will be a new discussion area for that purpose, to hopefully help those that have, or are thinking about, lending large amounts to others.

beninvres · 3 August 2005 at 2:59PM

You gave money in 'good faith', for a stated purpose . This is therefore not a loan or gift . Giving for a stated purpose , is contractial matter, business.
Sue for it, to help prevent others being done . anyway , it will stop his gambering. Pat

trace-j · 3 August 2005 at 3:31PM

When my partner lent me some money from the sale of his house to settle a few of my debts he had a contract drawn up. It basically was like a credit agreeement but altered to suit our needs. In the end it wasn't needed as we consolidated everything when we got our joint mortgage, but I am willing to share this template with others who want to use it when lending to a friend. PM me.

It's in word format and can email it.

Even though the lender might feel awkward asking for it to be signed, but if the borrower is getting a good deal or a no interest loan out of it, it's the least they can do.

nightsong · 6 August 2005 at 10:43AM

We lent a friend money a couple of years ago, so she could go on a training course. We had a written agreement (her idea) and she set up a SO to pay us back. It all went fine. Don't know how legally enforceable the agreement would have been and we wouldn't have enforced it anyway.

I decided then though, that it was the last time I'd do something like that. She is a very dear friend and there was some subtle change in our relationship during that time which I didn't like at all. Fortunately it's all over and forgotten now.

I have had a couple of previous experiences of lending money (quite large amounts) on a "pay me back when you can" basis where I just never saw the money again. It's just not worth it. People who borrow money tend to think it's theirs - they have a completely different mindset about it to me, I've come to understand. I wouldn't do it myself.

nearlyrich · 6 August 2005 at 11:04AM

I have always worked on the understanding that helping a friend in need is a big part of the "rules" of friendship, my rules anyway. I have a couple of friends who have been there for me over the years when my life wasn't as sorted as it is now. They would take me out, buy dinner without a thought of splitting the bill and generally see that I was OK. Sometimes as life goes on the situation reverses and I have happily done the same for them. Lending large amounts of money is quite an emotive subject, someone once lent me the money to pay off a debt which was getting serious, threats of debt collectors etc, when I gave them the cash they asked me to hang onto it and do the same for someone else. I have done this a couple of times, you just think of it as a gift rather than a loan and don't lend money that you can't afford to lose. I have never been asked for a loan outright and I have never felt that one of my friends was giving me a sob story to make me feel obliged to lend them money.

Loobeylou · 7 August 2005 at 12:17PM

Doesn't this kind of thing just make your blood boil? Why do people - even best friends - think that borrowing money and then not paying it back (and avoiding the giver) is clever?! If it was me, I would make it clear to all and sundry that the person who received the money was not a trustworthy person - you don't have to go into details and risk slander, but just put the word around.

These people really are low-life nasties who prey on the kindness of people they befriend.

SnowyOwl_2 · 7 August 2005 at 2:39PM

If you can persuade this messenger to give you his address then go see him, and get him to sign a direct debit mandate or create a standing order into your bank account. Think you need to be friendly and congratulate him on his new job, but make him squirm at the same time. Whoever passed the message to you could surely pass a message back to him from you? Not sure what it should be, but maybe something along the lines of "we'll be seeing you soon". Get him shaking in his boots! BTW this messenger is also a witness to the fact that this guy knows he owes you some money, perhaps this is to your advantage?

pennymakespounds wrote:

thanks everyone ... only thing to report is that through someone else we've apparantely had a message from him saying he now has a new job and will be paying back asap...
i'm not going to hold my breath !!!

Loobeylou · 7 August 2005 at 6:08PM

And always have an independent witness with you when you visit him!

ashmit · 7 August 2005 at 6:30PM

One thing I saw in Readers Digest years ago... may be a long shot but may be worth a try:

someone loaned a friend £5k. They kept making excuses when asked to pay it back. the loaner wrote them a letter to ask when they could expect payment of the £10k. he wrote back by return of post to say it was only £5k. Bingo - written record of the loan.

I guess if he's a decent guy, that may work. if he's a thieving scoundrel, it probably won't. but it may be worth a try?

Turning_into_scrooge · 7 August 2005 at 9:41PM

Unfortunately i leant a friend £2000 a couple of years ago. It all started with a mobile phone she borrowed from me and rung a bill up of £900. When faced with the bill she said she didn't know any of the numbers, they weren't hers. The next thing was she rung up a landline phone bill on neumerous occasions by ringing again mobile phone numbers and premium rate numbers for tarot card readings. One sob story after another and i stupidly fell for it. She was supposed to start paying me back over 12 months ago at £50 a month but decided to walk out of her job instead of accept a disciplinary and went on income support. I will more than likely never see that money again which was actually from a car accident payout for my future as i have been lest disabled from it. She considers me her best friend i consider her a viper and the only reason i have contact with her is in the hope that one day she will pay me back. One thing though for any one who does wonder she is living proof that what goes around comes around, it has come back at her big style but this time without mine or anyone else's help. I would say to anyone who is considering lending any money to anyone who is not a family member DO NOT DO IT unless you can
afford to lose it permanently. Do I sound bitter? yes i am i thought she was my friend, if she really was a true friend she would never of treated me like that

Sorry for the rant :A

Lending money to friends & family

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