is there anyone else out there that keeps debt from oh/partner?

Hiya all!

Being a newbie here, I hope my first post doesn't cause any offence.

Just a personal bit first: Reading through the majority of comments/replies here, it seems I've stumbled across a community of wonderful and caring people! This website (and millions of thanks to Martin here) is certainly doing two major things for me: Helping me with my money matters and knowing I AM NOT ALONE with my fears and frustrations with life, the universe and everything. In case anyone asks, I'm M & 44, with no hidden agenda (and not a lot of web experience!).

Ok, from now on I'll stick to the subject matter.

It was mentioned earlier, what if you passed away? I too have some small experience in this matter, and can only plead, beg, grovel that if you are having financial difficulties that you feel you must face alone, then PLEASE make some sort of journal.

I really do understand and emphasise with everyone who feels they cannot approach their partner about problematic finances, esp where, as seems to be the case with SD, there's no interest!

If the worst should happen to you, your partner is going to be totally incapacitated in their grief. Where children are involved, this is so much more difficult, believe me. The process of helping them cope with their grief is difficult enough, without the sudden emergence of unforeseen debt and the prospect of loss of home/being made bankrupt. Debts don't become critical all together at the same time, generally, and can emerge months down the line. I fear to describe the effects of this, here.

Perhaps a solution? If you don't already, please consider keeping a written journal showing all the details of your accounts (I'm not sure I'd recommend doing this on a PC, but whichever you feel happier with) with outstanding balances, telephone numbers, contacts, etc. This in itself can be a great help just for you. If necessary, you could provide a copy of the main details to be kept with your will with appropriate instructions, and a personal letter to your partner.

Please make a will.

I keep mine lodged with a solicitor, with the remaining details, and make a point now to review it every year, around my birthday. It's actually quite satisfying to see the progress made as an annual figure (CHUNK!) each year, and makes me feel so much better than the monthly chart, which dribbles slowly along (not always downward, either!). A much needed boost. If a solicitor is out of the question, what about a trusted friend or family member?

So long as there is SOMETHING left to give an idea of the road ahead. It will help let your partner know that despite these difficulties, you still loved and cared about them.

Take care all!

G

I agree with cuddly gorilla. My best friend died - she hadn't been paying her life insurance, she'd had the phone cut off in her boyfriends name and put back on in her name, saying he'd left...there were other things too.

As well as being left with a 6 year old boy who had no idea what had happened to his mummy, my friends boyfriend was faced with a mortgage that should have been paid off, and big problems trying to get the phone in his name.....nobody needs that should the worst happen.

Hi everyone,
I too have not told anyone about how big my debts are OH knows about credit cards and car loan but not about the other 2 loans. I feel ashamed about these and that is why I have not told anyone. I have always paid bills and monthly payments and mortgage with no late or missed payments anytime and have life insurance just incase i die before them being paid off - both for the mortgage and personally. I also am about to start a well paid job which, according to my spreadsheet, (to know whats going out when and where and whats coming in) all debts will be paid off by March next year. The guilt that this debt has had on me has definately put me off getting anymore credit ever and i'm counting down the days until its over.
Gemxx