Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone

191012141517

Comments

  • Ozzuk
    Ozzuk Posts: 1,884
    First Anniversary First Post
    Forumite
    FBaby wrote: »
    Comm, I used an example of work as a mean to show that trust doesn't have to be all or nothing. The fact that you have legal rights at work is irrelevant (and you do have rights in marriage too anyway), or are you saying that whether you trust or not is dependent on these rights.

    The point I'm making is that at least for me, trust is not something static. It's not something I woke up one morning, looked at my now husband and thought, today, I feel like trusting you for the rest of my life.

    Trust is an emotion, it comes and goes and is flexed depending on the stimuli you get in life. One day I might trust my kids completely, then one day they will do something that makes me question whether they are ready to be as independent as they claim, so I will go back to checking that they are going where they say they are etc...

    For me, Trust is something you earn. The person who holds the strings is not the person who gives the trust but with the person that receives it. Of course that's assuming that nobody suffers from paranoia that leads to persecution, I'm talking in a normal relationship when sometime, just like you feel that your love for someone is a bit tested, so can be trust, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is dead the moment you have a bit of a wobble.

    Frankly, I think there is a lot worse anyone can do in a relationship than follow their partner once because they got something in their head. As said, I did that one time when my OH acted strangely, realised he hadn't lied at all, never done it again, and a few months later,I told him and we laughed about it. Do I think my OH will ever cheat on me. No, I really don't. Do I think it's impossible: of course not, nothing is impossible.

    I actually thought the same as you did but I've changed my mind recently (or trying to) after realising I have trust issues. You aren't describing trust you are describing doubt. Trust is an agreement do the right thing, a promise effectively. Doubt is that changing feeling you get - and if you completely trust the other person then it doesn't matter. We all doubt, as you say it just happens. Trust however is a conscious effort to ignore the doubt and well, just trust.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Forumite
    I realised that my ex-wife didn't trust me when I dropped something off at a colleague's house on my way home from work. It was very embarrassing and ultimately counterproductive.
  • Pa_Ja
    Pa_Ja Posts: 134 Forumite
    You can track a location on whatsapp for up to 8hrs.
    Its not hidden though , its in the conversation.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Forumite
    FBaby wrote: »
    Comm, I used an example of work as a mean to show that trust doesn't have to be all or nothing. The fact that you have legal rights at work is irrelevant (and you do have rights in marriage too anyway), or are you saying that whether you trust or not is dependent on these rights.

    The point I'm making is that at least for me, trust is not something static. It's not something I woke up one morning, looked at my now husband and thought, today, I feel like trusting you for the rest of my life.

    Trust is an emotion, it comes and goes and is flexed depending on the stimuli you get in life. One day I might trust my kids completely, then one day they will do something that makes me question whether they are ready to be as independent as they claim, so I will go back to checking that they are going where they say they are etc...

    For me, Trust is something you earn. The person who holds the strings is not the person who gives the trust but with the person that receives it. Of course that's assuming that nobody suffers from paranoia that leads to persecution, I'm talking in a normal relationship when sometime, just like you feel that your love for someone is a bit tested, so can be trust, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is dead the moment you have a bit of a wobble.

    Frankly, I think there is a lot worse anyone can do in a relationship than follow their partner once because they got something in their head. As said, I did that one time when my OH acted strangely, realised he hadn't lied at all, never done it again, and a few months later,I told him and we laughed about it. Do I think my OH will ever cheat on me. No, I really don't. Do I think it's impossible: of course not, nothing is impossible.

    Well legal rights provide a safety net.

    At work it’s rare to get a true version of the person you’re working with. Perhaps they like to throw drink fuelled orgies on their time off. Doesn’t mean I don’t trust the, just that the relationship is very much a business / professional one.

    I think what you wrote in your last paragraph is exactly my point. If the OP doesn’t find an affair, will she stop or just think she was unlucky this time, but next time, or time after, etc.
  • shiny76
    shiny76 Posts: 548
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Forumite
    Aren't Private Detectives at risk of being charged with stalking?
  • motorguy
    motorguy Posts: 22,452
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Forumite
    shiny76 wrote: »
    Aren't Private Detectives at risk of being charged with stalking?

    Yes. Its very black and white apparently. 51 weeks in prison. 97% conviction rate. No questions asked.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Forumite
    shiny76 wrote: »
    Aren't Private Detectives at risk of being charged with stalking?

    They are licenced and regulated.
  • shiny76
    shiny76 Posts: 548
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Forumite
    Comms69 wrote: »
    In which case it's time to talk.

    If he's having an affair, which presumably would end the relationship for you, he may well be open about it.
    But isn't the relationship already doomed? The OP suspects an affair therefore the trust has already gone? Would him denying any affair be enough to allay her fears (much like following/stalking him)?
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Forumite
    motorguy wrote: »
    Yes. Its very black and white apparently. 51 weeks in prison. 97% conviction rate. No questions asked.

    It’s black and white when it’s quite clearly stalking. Yes.

    You’re quite a strange person.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Forumite
    shiny76 wrote: »
    But isn't the relationship already doomed? The OP suspects an affair therefore the trust has already gone? Would him denying any affair be enough to allay her fears (much like following/stalking him)?

    I agree. Long dead. But the OP clings on.

    At this stage I suspect the OP is simply looking for vindication.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 342.5K Banking & Borrowing
  • 249.9K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 234.6K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 172.8K Life & Family
  • 247.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.8K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards