Does anyone hide savings from their OH?

immortalprincess · 19 March 2012 at 6:47PM

Hi everyone.

Since the turn of the year I've been really worried about not having any savings. So I've decided it's time I stopped spending my money on things I don't need because I have similar already.

However, my OH will wan to save for something in particular and I don't want to, Ijust want to have a "just in case nest egg"!
Does that make sense? he will nt to send the savings every month to the mortgage, but, our mortgage was just recently renewed and we originally had 20 years left torun, but I've increased the payments and reduced the term to just under 10 years. Or he will want to spend it on something stupid like a motorbike or something!!!

Soooo I wanted to try to save on the "sly". I reckon I could save apporx £250 per month.
We are going on holiday to Canada this year so I just need to save up our spending money and then Ican start to save.

Am I wrong in doing this behind his back?

davenport151 · 19 March 2012 at 7:18PM

I do hide money to a certain extent as I find it easier to save than he does. Although if it came up ion conversation I would not hide the fact.
Im hoping when my OH realises what i've save by being more aware of what I buy it might encourage him.

opinions4u · 19 March 2012 at 7:18PM

It's probably more a relationship question than a savings question.

I have a chunk of savings Mrs o4u doesn't know exists. But she does know that when an "emergency" happens there's usually no problem resolving it.

I'm sure a Relate counsellor would say we should be totally honest and open about everything though.

While many of us think a motorbike is stupid, do remember that life is for enjoying too. So there is a balance to strike. Don't set yourself up to be a killer of fun.

gadgetmind · 19 March 2012 at 7:19PM

immortalprincess wrote: »

Am I wrong in doing this behind his back?

No.

You need a cash buffer for if it all goes badly wrong, and such a buffer can be used to make things easier in later life even if not needed sooner.

But -
1) This only applies if it really is something you see as joint money.
2) Save wisely. Use cash ISAs and/or NS&I Index Linker if they have another issue this year. Of course, your OH might spot the envelopes in the mail ...

immortalprincess · 19 March 2012 at 7:24PM

many thanks for your replies.

I understand that life is for living however, he has had a motorcycle in the past and crashed it and was badly injured all recovered now thankfully, but, he still wants another one but I'm not for it lol.

there is the chance that he might click on if he sees the envelopes in the mail.

I Just want a buffer for us if anything goes wrong and at the moment we don't have that.

atush · 19 March 2012 at 8:04PM

While I personally would not do this, I don't see it as a problem if your OH isn't good with money.

You do need a safety buffer, and unless your mortgage is one where you can w/d funds then putting all your savings there isn't wise. But a marriage where you can't agree on such fundamentals is not a great situation to be in?

innovate · 19 March 2012 at 8:48PM

A lot depends on where the money comes from that you'd like to save, and what you want to use the nest egg for. If it's for your own use, may be just save from your own income. Then it would also be easier not to tell him about it. And you can do it all online, with may be max 1 letter if any a year through the post.

If the money comes from a joint account, or from his income, it gets a bit more tricky. And if you want to use the nest egg for yourself, it would then have to be a no-no. But assuming you want to use it for the both of you, it's hard to see how you can hide the nest egg for any length of time from him. He'll have to find out once you spend some or all of it, won't he? Would he then go ape that you didn't tell him to start with? Or would he be really greatful that you were so prudent?

A discuss with Relate, even if you go on your own initially, could well be worth it.

Newly_retired · 19 March 2012 at 9:54PM

I am sure there are those who would make sure they had enough savings for if they ever needed an escape plan. Not saying this is the case for you, but for some there may be good reason to do this.

If you earned or inherited the money, and you are better at saving generally than you OH, then why not? It will be a lovely surprise if the time comes when you have the money for whatever crops up.
In our house, I am the saver, DH is the spender. We are not secretive about it, but just as he does not always tell me when he is buying something, I don't tell him when I am putting some money into savings. Guess which one of us had had the money to pay for a new bathroom?

Totton · 20 March 2012 at 6:26PM

I'd not hide the money from him straight away, in the first instance I would tell him that I'd opened a savings account with the intention of saving for a rainy day. If he gets unhappy about it then open a second account and don't tell him, that way he had his chance to let you do your thing. If you don't tell him about the first one then he may wonder what else you haven't been honest about ....

My wife opens savings accounts all over the place, I have no idea how many nor how much but I know they exist and that's good enough as she is far better than me at saving.

Just a thought :-)

determined_new_ms · 20 March 2012 at 7:28PM

Personally I would want to be sitting down and finding some middle of the road ground that we could agree on. I generally am the one who does the personal finances and he doesn't know exactly what is where, but we do occassionally talk about how much we have in savings, both jointly and personally. I think its good to have shared goals to work towards, then it makes the sacrifice easier all round. Personally the frustration of a partner who isn't on the same page roughly as me would drive me up the wall

ViolaLass · 20 March 2012 at 7:52PM

immortalprincess wrote: »

many thanks for your replies.

I understand that life is for living however, he has had a motorcycle in the past and crashed it and was badly injured all recovered now thankfully, but, he still wants another one but I'm not for it lol.

Then refuse to give him the money for it. No need to hide your money.

Does anyone hide savings from their OH?

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