Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?
Comments
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I think to suggest the blame for anti-social behaviour is due to a lack of smacking is missing the mark somewhat..
In my experience, anti social teenagers (and even adults) have a "so what, you cant do anything" attitude about them. Even with Police, When I was young (and thats not THAT long ago) I wouldnt even have thought to have had that attitude because I knew that a parky/bobby/whoever probably would give me a clip round the ear for being lippy!
To me and I'm sure to others here, that wasnt fear, it was respect for authority.
I wasnt really saying that lack of smacking is the sole cause of anti social behavior but I do think its a factor in it.Missing Tesco R&R since Feb '07 :A & now a "Tesco veteran" apparently!
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I have and will discipline my child whenever he misbehaves, depending on the circumstances if I am to tap his wrist or behind, its generally after being told for the third time to behave, I warn him that I will not tell him again, if he persists he will get either a tap on the hand or a tap on the backside.
Such discipline worked through generations of my family and will continue to be just as effective for generations to come.
Parents use a variety of methods for disciplining their children, not all methods involve a smacked wrist, which is generally used as a very last resort.:A:dance:1+1+1=1:dance::A
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Plushchris wrote: »In my experience, anti social teenagers (and even adults) have a "so what, you cant do anything" attitude about them. Even with Police, When I was young (and thats not THAT long ago) I wouldnt even have thought to have had that attitude because I knew that a parky/bobby/whoever probably would give me a clip round the ear for being lippy!
To me and I'm sure to others here, that wasnt fear, it was respect for authority.
I wasnt really saying that lack of smacking is the sole cause of anti social behavior but I do think its a factor in it.
But there is little, if any, evidence supporting such a claim when there are countries where smacking is outlawed whose crime rates don't even come close to ours. I'd argue it is a combination of factors that range from a sub-culture in which violence and poor behaviour is both rewarded and revered and an inconsistent and at times useless judicial system that fails to properly punish and rehabilitate offenders, hence our extreme rates of recidivism.
As for respect for authority, I don't have much respect for the various authorities in this country. Nonetheless, I still don't go around committing crimes.0 -
lol. You didn't have a bolter, did you?Caroline73 wrote: »I'm amazed at the people who smack their children because they were about to run into the road or had just done so.
I used this radical technique of child control called 'holding their hand'. I believe similar methods such as 'toddler reigns' are alternatives.
I don't hit either of my children or my husband. That form of communication isn't welcomed in my home.
I used to nanny a child aged 2 whose mother didn't believe in baby reins (NB my mother did use baby reins with both of her children). One day he pulled away from my hand and ran out into the road.
I did not smack him (not my child, not my place to do so) but if it had been my own child I may well have done (although my child would have been on baby reins, so...!).
Sometimes hand holding is not enough. Some kids are just bolters and will run away from you at the first chance they get (annoyingly!).0 -
lol. You didn't have a bolter, did you?
I used to nanny a child aged 2 whose mother didn't believe in baby reins (NB my mother did use baby reins with both of her children). One day he pulled away from my hand and ran out into the road.
I did not smack him (not my child, not my place to do so) but if it had been my own child I may well have done (although my child would have been on baby reins, so...!).
Sometimes hand holding is not enough. Some kids are just bolters and will run away from you at the first chance they get (annoyingly!).
Exactly.
What's worse; that a child thinks "I'd better not run off from mummy else she'll smack me again...", or that a mother thinks, "I wish I'd applied more discipline when it came to teaching him road sense...", as she buries her child?
I can't imagine a bereaved mother would glean much comfort from being able to say "Well, at least I never smacked him...".
It's personal choice and many people will choose not to smack. But I am 100% against any efforts to remove the choice from parents.
Since I saw the NSPCC state their position on smacking, I unfortunately feel that I can no longer support them. Whilst there are children suffering serious sexual and physical abuse at the hands of adults, I don't know how the NSPCC can justify seeking to vilify loving parents for smacking their children.
As someone who respects a parent's right to smack and who feels that it's quite possibly something that I will do as a parent, I won't be supporting a charity that would seek to make me a criminal.0 -
Elvis/Fang, will you tell the surrogate mother who carries your baby that you intend to smack it as it grows up? I think you ought to.0
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I would hope that by the time you're dealing with teenagers, you're beyond the need for a smack? I can't imagine many scenarios where a teenager's behaviour would warrant a smack from a parent?
I certainly don't think that affording teenagers the knowledge that they can use the threat of criminal proceedings against their parents for reasonably disciplining them is a good thing.
Maybe an interesting hypothetical question, but perhaps rendered pretty redundant if people apply a bit of common sense?
Well where is the line then? You didn't actually answer the question. Is it at secondary school age, so 11? Is it before then?
At what point age the same smack to the same child go from absolutely essential parenting tool to inappropriate or even abuse? Because even the smackers seem to agree that the line exists.0 -
Plushchris wrote: »
Does not being smacked as a child turn you into a judgemental, holier-than-thou internet forum poster?
I saw a mother the other day punish her two year old for hitting her, by hitting him. What good does that do anybody?
If thinking its wrong to hit people, regardless of their age or your relationship to them, makes me judgemental and holier than thou, then I'm completely ok with being those things.0 -
What about putting a child on a naughty step or chair? Does that also teach them that whoever is the most physically powerful gets to make and enforce the rules? After all it's their more physically powerful parent who is taking them to and forcing them on to the naughty step.Person_one wrote: »All 'smacking' (which is a really irritating euphemism anyway, if you think its ok to hit children then at least own that and call it hitting) teaches is that whoever is the most physically powerful gets to make and enforce the rules.
And if smacking a child is teaching them that it's okay to hit your wife or elderly parent does the naughty step teach your child it's okay to force your wife or elderly parent to sit somewhere in solitary confinement? Or what about removing privileges or belongings as a punishment or grounding, is that teaching them it's okay to remove their wife or elderly parent's belongings or banning them from leaving the house?
Where do you draw the line, surely everything we do to a child teaches them something and if smacking teaches them hitting is okay then other forms of discipline must be teaching them that's okay?Dum Spiro Spero0 -
Adults give each other time outs all the time, you can be kicked out of a restaurant for creating a disturbance, your friends might ignore you for a bit if they are upset with you, you can get suspended or sacked for poor behaviour at work, for the worst transgressions we are isolated from others in prisons.
However, we've decided as a society that violence towards others is unacceptable, so that should apply regardless of the age of the victim.
Also, the naughty step de-escalates, smacking escalates.0
This discussion has been closed.
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