Is this bullying or just plain rude?
Comments
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I used to be a harrassment contact at one of my previous jobs and being left out of everything does count as bullying. It can also make working really stressful and miserable. If you have a good system for complaining it's worth doing, otherwise it'll just make things worse.
What, complain that they won't be friends with you on Facebook and they ignored your birthday?
Nonsense.0 -
Sigh. It's because people think like that that things change so slowly.ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »What, complain that they won't be friends with you on Facebook and they ignored your birthday?
Nonsense.
I only did a quick google search and picked the first thing that came up but this gives an idea that it is taken seriously.
http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=58790 -
ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »What, complain that they won't be friends with you on Facebook and they ignored your birthday?
Nonsense.
It's not nonsense if you are the only one who is ignored when things happen in the workplace.
The manager must be fairly incompetent not to notice what is happening and suggest to the clique that they stay professional at work and keep things like birthday celebrations to their free time.
It's expensive recruiting staff and, although some people will work happily in this environment, most people won't and will look elsewhere for a new job.0 -
Sigh. It's because people think like that that things change so slowly.
I only did a quick google search and picked the first thing that came up but this gives an idea that it is taken seriously.
http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5879
Your link simply shows that workplace exclusion is a thing. It doesn't show in any way that not being friends on Facebook and ignoring someone's birthday counts as workplace exclusion. Just because something exists it doesn't mean that everything is an example of it.
They treat them appropriately and "laugh and joke" with them, and respect them as a colleague. They just don't like them socially.
Not everyone can like everyone. You can't force people to be friends on Facebook. It's incredibly childish.0 -
It's not nonsense if you are the only one who is ignored when things happen in the workplace.
The manager must be fairly incompetent not to notice what is happening and suggest to the clique that they stay professional at work and keep things like birthday celebrations to their free time.
It's expensive recruiting staff and, although some people will work happily in this environment, most people won't and will look elsewhere for a new job.
What celebrations? They probably have some cake (and I am sure they offer the OP a piece). The OPs complaint isn't that they exclude them from things happening in the office, it's that they don't get cake on their birthday. Management telling them to stop this would be looked on as ridiculously draconian.
They probably don't even know it's the OPs birthday because - and here's the thing - they are not friends with them. They don't have to be.0 -
I cant stand this nonsense.
You are paid to work, carry out tasks and hopefully have a nice working relationship with your colleagues.
If some of those colleagues are friends, great, but unfortunately sometimes you aren't going to get along with people. That doesn't mean you have to add them on FB, or go out for drinks, or anything else.
It's not bullying to not like someone, and here's the thing, if I don't like you, I'm not buying you a cake!0 -
I'm not talking about a slice of cake- I'm talking full on celebration,loads of presents, big night out, weeks of planing etc. I didn't even warrant a card or a text.
I have no problem not being liked- but this has never happened to me before and I'm baffled as to why they leave me out. We get on well- at least they seem to get on with me. Its made harder as we're a small group.
I know I'm there to work and I do, but its impossible to ignore when you're being ignored.
Yes, there are also frequent work things I'm not told about too.
It hurts and I'm now miserable in a job I love.
I should also add a while ago one of them bought a load of pizzas for lunch. I was on a late lunch and thought they might keep some back for me. I was wrong.
If people don't mind I'll continue being over sensitive- wouldn't do to all be the same now, would it?
I'll go on job hunting and get out as soon as possible.
I should add this was brought up at a one to one and things improved a little for a short time.
Thank you for your help0 -
Why should they ask you to go on a night out with them? They don't like you. Clearly they don't really dislike you; they treat you civilly and respectfully. They probably couldn't explain why themselves.
What do you want them to do? Pretend they like you? Ask you along on their night out even though they don't want you? They just assume you are with your own friends. Buy you a birthday card? Which of them do you think should do that? Should the manager assign someone to do it?
Grow up.0 -
whiskydeltafoxtrot wrote: »I'm not talking about a slice of cake- I'm talking full on celebration,loads of presents, big night out, weeks of planing etc. I didn't even warrant a card or a text. - But if they don't like you, then that's that im afraid. It's not that you're a bad person, they just don't like you.
I have no problem not being liked- but this has never happened to me before and I'm baffled as to why they leave me out. We get on well- at least they seem to get on with me. Its made harder as we're a small group. - What I'd suggest is stop putting in to the communal kitty etc.
I know I'm there to work and I do, but its impossible to ignore when you're being ignored. - it's not if you stop giving a ____
Yes, there are also frequent work things I'm not told about too.
It hurts and I'm now miserable in a job I love. - if you are excluded from work related information you should raise this at your next appraisal, or sooner
I should also add a while ago one of them bought a load of pizzas for lunch. I was on a late lunch and thought they might keep some back for me. I was wrong. - Did you contribute to the pizza?
If people don't mind I'll continue being over sensitive- wouldn't do to all be the same now, would it? - it's up to you, but you'll be making yourself miserable
I'll go on job hunting and get out as soon as possible.
I should add this was brought up at a one to one and things improved a little for a short time.
Thank you for your help
I used to work in a team - mostly women, with a shocking turnover rate.
there were 7 pregnancies in my 3 years in that team (that's not the shocking turnover rate, there were 22 changed to members of staff, it was a team of 8...)
6 of those warranted a collection, etc etc. I contributed every single time. (I should point out that contributions were collected from across about 40 people, managers would also typically put in a decent whack, so often it was significant amounts of money)
When my son was born - guess who didn't get a collection? - it was simply because I was a man. Despite also only receiving SPP for the two weeks. After that I simply stopped contributing.0 -
whiskydeltafoxtrot wrote: »I don't want to give too many details so i'll put it simply;
Is leaving someone out of things, ignoring their birthday, yet making a huge fuss of others birthdays, not adding them to Facebook, even though all other employees are 'friends' together on there, bullying or am i being over sensitive?
We all get on well- and laugh and joke together, yet they won't let me in their 'gang' and I'm starting to feel unhappy and left out.
I should add these aren't kids nor am I (all in late 40s/50s)
leaving someone out isnt bullying, but I can understand 100% why you made this post.0
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