How to deal with a bullying colleague?

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  • Sacredcat
    Sacredcat Posts: 65 Forumite
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    Sorry for you in this situation.

    Bullying is very common. There are some nasty petty people out there.

    Is there something about you that attracts bullies? Not saying you did anything wrong, but, Are you in a group that is a target for workplace discrimination, e.g. Foreign, Black, pregnant, disabled? - you may get help from an Equalities organisation. Or your Union.
    If you passed probation and have sick leave and are not on zero hours, then get your GP to sign you off with some sick leave and think about what to do next.
  • moneyistooshorttomention
    moneyistooshorttomention Posts: 17,940 Forumite
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    Sacredcat wrote: »
    Sorry for you in this situation.

    Bullying is very common. There are some nasty petty people out there.

    Is there something about you that attracts bullies? Not saying you did anything wrong, but, Are you in a group that is a target for workplace discrimination, e.g. Foreign, Black, pregnant, disabled? - you may get help from an Equalities organisation. Or your Union.
    If you passed probation and have sick leave and are not on zero hours, then get your GP to sign you off with some sick leave and think about what to do next.

    Actually OP being signed off on sick leave might be just what the bully wants - and I would be anticipating lots of "talking behind back" whilst on said sick leave. Main gist of it being to effect of maybe the employer should re-consider about OP if they are going to have much sick leave.

    So it might end up backfiring on OP if she does that.

    There isn't necessarily an obvious reason for bullying - it's more likely than not down to OP having something the bully is jealous of, eg better-educated, better-looking, better off financially - it could be any reason.

    It could even be down to something as illogical as them deciding OP reminds them of someone they don't like - and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about something like that.
  • krlyr
    krlyr Posts: 5,993 Forumite
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    I agree with speaking to your line manager - just play dumb and ask that, because you're new, can they clarify if you should be reporting to/being given work by X.

    I had similar when I started with some lazy colleagues asking me to produce work they were capable (and should have been doing) themselves, so I would ask my manager (or in his absence) if I should be doing them and if so, what priority they should be in comparison to my workload set by him. Most of the time it was batted right back at the colleague who should have been doing it themselves - most got the hint, the persistant few then got a few words from my manager!
  • Sacredcat
    Sacredcat Posts: 65 Forumite
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    Yes it's hard to know what is going on.
    Just trying to ID if there is a reason that OP can figure out.
    I worked somewhere where there was a serial bully. She always had someone targeted for bulling. She was always shouting at a lot of people, men, wome, hoever. But she would select one person for a sustained campaign of bullying.
    She was known to unions because of previous complaints, but she always got away with it. People ended up leaving.
  • dirty_magic
    dirty_magic Posts: 1,145 Forumite
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    I don't think you should copy your manager in on all of your replies to her, I think they would get annoyed with it pretty quickly and it makes it look like you can't handle her yourself.

    By all means speak to your manager and explain the problems you're having, but I don't think copying them in on emails is necessary.
  • Andrew_Ryan_89
    Andrew_Ryan_89 Posts: 530 Forumite
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    I hated reading this, especially the crying bit. Even if you could ignore her, there's always something in the back of your mind questioning why she has to be such a batch.

    It's probably worth pulling her to the side and be quite stern, but not anything to give her an excuse to say you were inappropriate, and let her know you don't appreciate her tone.
  • gettingtheresometime
    gettingtheresometime Posts: 6,911 Forumite
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    edited 9 October 2016 at 9:49AM
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    The other thing to consider is if she's like this with everyone then it's not personal ( even if it feels like it!) but why have the employer let her get away with inappropriate behaviour for so long?

    I used to work with a woman who for a long time thought was rude and abrupt but realised after a while that it was her 'way' and actually she was a nice person when you got to know her. I'm not saying for one minute you're to blame but could it be that she's got a similar personality?
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
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    Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »
    I hated reading this, especially the crying bit. Even if you could ignore her, there's always something in the back of your mind questioning why she has to be such a batch.

    It's probably worth pulling her to the side and be quite stern, but not anything to give her an excuse to say you were inappropriate, and let her know you don't appreciate her tone.
    I don't agree with this approach.

    Even if the OP doesn't give her any excuse, this colleague may still claim that the OP was inappropriate and if it comes down to a 'she said, she said' scenario the OP may come off worst.

    After all, it seems she can tell the OP off within everyone's hearing but very little is being done about it.
  • eamon
    eamon Posts: 2,319 Forumite
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    I wouldn't bother with email ping pong. Instead go and chat to your line manager and get their take on it. Once you have their feedback you can then have a good think about your relationship with your work colleague.
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
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    In lots of roles, it's usual for colleagues to ask others to carry out tasks whether the colleague is junior or senior to them. Not everyone has all of their work allocated by a line manager. So in and of itself there is nothing wrong with the other woman asking OP to do various business related tasks.

    As to the rest, this could be a clash of styles or personalities. Perhaps the other woman is moody and rude. Equally, perhaps she finds the OP hard to get on with and if asked would complain that the OP doesn't initiate conversations with her, always looks miserable, keeps bursting into tears at work and bristles when asked to do things which are a normal part of their role. There really isn't way of telling, other than for OP to involve a neutral third party at work for a sense check.

    If this had happened to me before in other jobs (i.e. If I'd left a few jobs in the last few years because I didn't like my colleagues and had been in tears at work in other jobs, then I'd be starting to wonder whether it was my own work place resilience which might be an issue rather than the behaviour of colleagues and be doing some work to try to improve that.
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