What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

montycat_2 · 13 September 2007 at 8:49AM

hugs and peace to you and your Dh bommer.

Sarahsaver · 13 September 2007 at 9:24AM

Sorry to hear your news bommer.

I got a copy of my sons' granddad's will yesterday, I didn't even know you could do that. The probate registry searches and you get a copy of the entry. Another problem with divorced families, I am divorced from their dad so no one told me their granddad was ill and dying. DS really loved him, little DS was too small to remember really. I got the will to try and trace where their 'father' is now!
WHilst I was there I saw a notice I am sure I think the cost of probate (legal power to administer a deceased's estate) is set to rise steeply.

hollydays · 13 September 2007 at 9:42AM

sorry to hear your sad news bommer.

temba · 27 September 2007 at 12:23AM

I'm sure people probably do know but just in case:

www.merrywidow.me.uk

an excellent forum which kept me going in the early days.... I'm now at 2 years and 2 months since Andy died and I'm still going, but that forum was my lifeline.

Love to anyone that this thread is relevant to.

xxx

Sarahsaver · 27 September 2007 at 9:15AM

Dear Stormy,
Re. the Xmas thing, I was 15 when my Dad died, sis was 12. I am 36 now. Even in my lifetime things have changed so much. People pretty much left us alone and it was atrocious. Then we went to church as we always did, and bawled our eyes out. I still cannot hear xmas carols being sung without feeling deep nostalgia.
Be upfront with people and tell them what you want, after you have worked out what you want of course! Maybe pairing up with friends or family for a buffet instead of the hefty formality of a sit down xmas meal? These are things I would have done if I had dared speak up and get mum to call on all these people who said'if there's anything we can do...'
Do something in memory of your OH and make some new traditions. Maybe help out at a care home or a homeless shelter, go for a bike ride, go fishing. Do something you feel like doing not what you think you are expected to. I have plenty of friends who are not celebrating Xmas as it is not their faith. Nobody says we have to sit on our butts all day eating and being 'merry' but the pressure is there.
Get some time to yourself to clear your mind, and what you should do hopefully will come to you.
Xmas is just one day, its the mundane day to day stuff which is harder in the long run. People who are not in your situation need to realise that too.

All the best.

new · 28 September 2007 at 5:20PM

bommer wrote: »

Hi, Stormbay.

New to this thread, my dh has been diagnosed with terminal cancer so I don't know what xmas will hold still dealing with day to day but there 4 u.

BW Bommerxx

Wishing you both strength, hope and courage.
I just lost my mother to cancer very recently. I did a Macmillan's coffee today morning in her memory and also as a way of supporting others who are affected, and I hope the money raised will be of help and comfort.

I also signed a petition to my MP regarding hospital parking charges, which can all add to the trauma.

Keep strong!
prayers and kind regards

smudger1946 · 16 October 2007 at 10:25AM

Hi All, The above is all good advice, just add my bit it may help.
I did all this 3yrs ago when my wife popped to heaven.
Luckily we had joint accounts, and had made wills which made a crap time easier, you will need a few copies of certificate as every time you need to sort out lost ones effects, of one kind or another you will be asked for it, even down to Premium bonds, it warse a bit thin but has to be done.
You do get a berevment allowance, for the first year tho, if your short of dosh sort that out early.
Most of the rest can be done when your brain wants too.
Good luck.

lab-dab · 8 November 2007 at 8:54PM

I hope this is the right topic to ask this question under but i apologise if not and can delete it..

A relative of mine has recently died and he had a 'common law wife' in that they were living together in a council owned property for 7 years together etc.. This person and the rest of my family do not speak for lots of reasons and they have been difficult in the arrangements etc.

to cut this short..

The funeral has been paid for (by this person but not sure if it was paid by govt funeral payments etc).. but quite a few months on there is still no headstone and the rest of the family want to put a headstone on the grave. This person has refused saying that they will do it when they want to.

Can anyone tell me if there are any rules/legislation covering this? Who is entitled to put a memorial stone on the grave and can the other party remove it at any point?

The family left behind are brothers/sisters and there are no children or parents remaining.

lab-dab · 8 November 2007 at 9:55PM

I apologise for my above question post at this point as i posted it while reading the third page of this topic and didnt realise that there were many sensitive discussions and situations for people.. particularly on this last page. My thoughts are with all of you x

Sarahsaver · 8 November 2007 at 11:00PM

My mum still has not got one sorted for my dad who died in 1986 when I was 15

Sister and I offered to help financially.
I think there is no law against having an 'unmarked grave'. DOn't know who if anyone has the 'right' to place a headstone.

BTW I know this is ever so slightly OT but it is more difficult if someone goes missing than if they die in my experience. Ex OH has gone AWOL having loads of legal and financial implications.

What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

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