House guest won't leave.

nmp · 18 March 2017 at 10:59PM

This is a difficult situation for me, and I really need some help. A few years back I dated a woman who had a young child. We dated for 18 months before I ended it for a variety of reasons. About six months after this, during which time we remained in contact, she approached me to ask me for help. She was in private rented accommodation but in receipt of housing benefits. She'd lost her job and subsequently fallen behind on her rent and then was due to be evicted. I knew she was going through difficulties but she had just recently landed a new job and asked me if she and her child could stay at mine for a 'few weeks' while she sorted herself out. She had no family in the town where we live and her only alternative would have been to move back home to stay with her father.

I agreed, thinking it may take a couple of months but never expected it to go on much more than that.

It's now coming up to 9 months on, and I am at the end of my tether. Soon after moving in with myself she lost her new job, and then was told by the local authority that they would not help house her as she had made herself homeless by failing to pay rent. She has spent the past 9 months without working only recently finding a new job. During this time she has had no income and I have been supporting her and her child throughout this. Throughout this time she has refused to tidy up after herself, she refused to do any housework in the house, and generally is very untidy and unkempt. She doesn't seem to feel that she is a guest in my home and ought to try and keep the house in a manner that I ask.

Over the 9 months we have argued numerous times and I have asked her to move out on a number of occasions but she knows that I am aware that the council have said that they won't help house her, and that I care about the wellbeing of the child enough that I won't just throw her out of the house with no where to go.

However I am now at a point where I feel this arrangement is affecting my wellbeing hugely. I am no longer prepared to live this way and need to ask her to move. I am not sure how best to proceed.

She has started to receive her mail at my address, without having asked if I am happy about that.

Any advice on how to proceed from here would be much appreciated.

Many thanks

Red-Squirrel_2 · 18 March 2017 at 11:07PM

Have you spoken to anybody at the council's housing department yourself?

I'm fairly sure they'd have still have a responsibility to house the child, even though the mother was classed as intentionally homeless.

Hoploz · 18 March 2017 at 11:08PM

If you evict her then the council couldn't say she was intentionally homeless and I'm sure they would put her on their list or however it works.

However I can't help with how you evict someone with no lease ... Someone else will help more

Shakin_Steve · 18 March 2017 at 11:10PM

You must know how to go about this through legal channels, there is certainly enough information on the subject. But your post is mainly of a personal nature, and I really don't see how anyone on here can advise you on those matters. Only you know how the relationship between the three of you works, and how it affects your options.

Red-Squirrel_2 · 18 March 2017 at 11:12PM

Hoploz wrote: »

However I can't help with how you evict someone with no lease ... Someone else will help more

Like a lodger I suppose, formal written notice and then call the police if they refuse to leave on the final day.

glosoli · 18 March 2017 at 11:13PM

What a horrible situation,

Easier said than done, but could you give her an absolute deadline of 24 hours, and organise for the locks to be changed etc, and if she refuses to go phone the police and say you have a trespasser in your house? If I was you I would also try and covertly record your conversations, so that if/when !!!! hits the fan, she cannot go inventing stories to make you look like the bad guy here.

Shakin_Steve · 18 March 2017 at 11:18PM

None of the above 'throw her out' posts are really relevant if you've already said you won't see the child homeless. It's a mess, not so much legally as emotionally. She's got you by the short and curlies and, unless you're prepared to get a bit selfish for your own wellbeing, you're stuck.

Fireflyaway · 18 March 2017 at 11:21PM

Write a letter telling her she has to leave by a certain date and tell her to take it to the council. The council will sort something out if she is being made homeless and has a child. Also contact your local floating support team. They can support her in applying for benefits / accessing somewhere to live etc. Unless you tell her straight she has to leave, the council won't help, as although not great for you she is still housed.

glasgowdan · 18 March 2017 at 11:23PM

But she wouldn't be homeless. If she was given a written notice to say she had 30 days, she could surely take this to the council.

You say she is now working... well she'd be able to afford a very short term stay at a B&B surely. What family does she have?

nmp · 19 March 2017 at 12:15AM

Thank you all for the comments, really appreciated. I'll try to reply to some here, sorry if I miss your comment.

Shakin_Steve wrote: »

None of the above 'throw her out' posts are really relevant if you've already said you won't see the child homeless. It's a mess, not so much legally as emotionally. She's got you by the short and curlies and, unless you're prepared to get a bit selfish for your own wellbeing, you're stuck.

I have recently come to realise that I have to get selfish for my own wellbeing, I guess part of me was just hoping that the situation would resolve itself without the nastiness that looks like it is now inevitable. I suppose I was hoping that there was another, third way, whereby the child wouldn't end up homeless, and we could all move on with our separate lives. This is looking unlikely. But some good points on here that I need to explore further.

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Write a letter telling her she has to leave by a certain date and tell her to take it to the council. The council will sort something out if she is being made homeless and has a child. Also contact your local floating support team. They can support her in applying for benefits / accessing somewhere to live etc. Unless you tell her straight she has to leave, the council won't help, as although not great for you she is still housed.

I think this may be the right approach. I have no experience or understanding of how these things work, so was hoping someone with knowledge may be able to advise. For example, if the housing department decided that they had no duty to help house her, was that really the end of it? I've not heard of the 'floating support team'. What exactly do they do?

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Have you spoken to anybody at the council's housing department yourself?
I'm fairly sure they'd have still have a responsibility to house the child, even though the mother was classed as intentionally homeless.

This is the point that I'm concerned about. I hear that the council have a duty to house a child, but would that mean that they would seperate the mother from the child? Thats something I wouldn't want to happen, clearly its not a good thing for either of them. I haven't actually spoken with the housing department myself. I have tried, but each time there is a long wait on the phone, and when you do get hold of somebody, I'm told I need to make an appointment to meet with an advisor. I guess I have to go down that route next. I also worry that they'll only tell me what's best for them. I have tried to speak to CAB as well, but again, if you're working full time, its almost impossible to get an appointment to talk to them, and the telephone lines are always engaged. Again, I'm sure my boss would frown on me spending my days on the phone.

glasgowdan wrote: »

But she wouldn't be homeless. If she was given a written notice to say she had 30 days, she could surely take this to the council.
You say she is now working... well she'd be able to afford a very short term stay at a B&B surely. What family does she have?

Yes, she is working, she's only recently started, this month. In terms of family, she has an estranged father, and a step mother and step siblings living four hours away. They have said they would help, but it would be a big move for her away from everything she knows, to a family she barely knows, which is why I initially said I would support her. I suppose worst case scenario, she would always have somewhere to go.

Regards the actual process to evict her, she doesn't pay rent, and she doesn't have a tenancy agreement. I think the correct process is for me to write her a 'Notice to Quit', giving her 28 days to vacate the property, after which time I would either ask the Police to ask her to leave, or change the locks to prevent her returning. Neither of these particularly favourable, but I realise that I must now take the initiative to change my situation.

If anyone is privy to how the council housing systems function, that would be really helpful.

Many Thanks

stator · 19 March 2017 at 12:28AM

Change the locks so she has to knock to get in. That will send a pretty strong message.

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House guest won't leave.

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