Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

Morning:)
Thanks Bob and Brizzle.
Bright and sunny here but very cold. Thousands of snowdrops and the odd daff out too. Mower collected for service yesterday in readiness.
got about 4hours sleep last night, been awake dosing on/off since 2am again. Tape in head on constant replay:(
Managed to get through mail and emails yesterday, dealt with a couple of urgent ones but didn't achieve much on work front. Couple of loads washing done yesterday, another load on this morning, need to get clothes ready as 5 days of part time work starting tomorrow.

On money news
DH had a 2k tax refund in his pay pack while I've been away! As he has changed jobs twice and hence had 3 employers in 26 months I'm not quite sure how/why Just need to check I filled in figures correctly on tax form before I do this :j He's had so many tax code changes I lost track of the why's and wherefore's. Also CB will need to be paid back.
But even if its correct, will need to put it aside for next January tax bill for SE work otherwise we'll come unstuck again. Even though there are a hundred and one things waiting to be done on the house/garden.

Piles on desk have built up again and intend to clear those today or else I will be on a slippery slope again.

Lots of other little bits to do, plus update to creditors which I have left for too long - although regular payments have been maintained.
Am meeting a friend for a coffee just before pick up time, so that will be my £4 extravagance for the week. Turns out that DH/DS ate out 3 times while I was away blowing away a whole weeks worth of grocery shopping. The boys will play when mums away;):rotfl:

Have a good day
NOA
x

Coffee was lovely Bob, I even remembered to printout two vouchers for friend and me (a coffee each for free:)) and then paid for cake for both of us for grand total of £4.60:)

Sleep is an long term ongoing issue, nothing really works for long.

This week has gone by so fast. Part time job for a week, am at home today trying to catch up with everything, but not been very productive today. Am very anxious about starting new stronger meds which have more side effects and need closer monitoring, but all the advice is that longer term benefit outweighs risks. Delayed decision at last appointment with consultant 6 months ago.

Have been doing lots of reading, but doesn't make it any easier. Am trying not to overthink it.

Just updated banking, cash flow has been good this past 10 months, enough money in bank till end April, with some more work in pipeline, some confirmed, some not yet. Hope that continues. Also have two months part time job full time more or less for May and June lined up, assuming all stays well healthwise.

Otherwise everything else feels a bit like limboland.

NOA
x

A bit of time outside though didn't do anything (hands/wrists playing up). Seem to have lost my good rake its not anywhere it should be - did I leave it out and perhaps it got lifted?

Another invite to another wedding from someone we haven't seen in more than 15 years (DH family), they usually contact us for wedding gift money then all goes quiet again (sorry that was very cynical:rotfl:). DH not even vaguely interested, last time I just sent some money on his behalf.

Need to get my act together tomorrow - have had two quite lethargic days, seem to have no oomph at the moment. Did read DD's essay for her before she submitted. Feels strange when you read your kids work and you don't really understand what it says - it sounded good anyway, and there were no spelling mistakes or duplicated words that I could see :rotfl: all very academic and not my field at all:rotfl: Hope all her hard work pays off, its a chapter of her dissertation.
where did that time go, it seems like yesterday that I was on here feeling lost with empty nest symptoms.

Time for bed for me and my thoughts
Nite nite and happy dreams
NOA
xx

Morning Bob:)
I wouldn't have minded going to the one in Scotland, if we had time to take a family break at the same time - it's one of my second cousins who has made an effort to keep in touch now and again, and I do get on with. The second one is the DH's family - they only make contact when they need something:rotfl: spoke to DH last night about the barrage of whats app messages to me (they have managed to get hold of my number from someone:eek:) he's not even vaguely interested and said to ignore them, especially as I haven't provided the number to them. That feels wrong though.

Work has been good this past year, best in several years. Trouble with SE is often all or nothing. New Enquiries are fewer at the moment so no saying what the future holds, then yesterday all the HooHaa about NI contributions going up for SE Am doing two part time jobs (0 hours, it was 3 last year, ) and SE myself, no holiday or sick pay or pension....
Anyway, Things always work out for the best and always happen for a reason. I cannot imagine what would have happened to us if work had been sparse (as in previous few years) when I had to juggle bank accounts on a daily basis and scrap around for every penny. The amount of support needed for parents escalated over last two years, and then with losing dad and the amount of time I have been away, it was a blessing that I could month on month ignore looking at bank accounts knowing that that months bills would safely be paid. My dad was religious and had so much Faith, and always believed that that God would always provide what was needed. I'm not religious in the same way, but throughout life I have noticed that there is a balance in the equation, and when looking back, it seems things always have a reason for being. Events that I thought were unfortunate at the time, have often provided me the opportunity to be able to help someone in a way I otherwise could not have.

Oops lots of rambling there, probably doesn't make sense at all. I daren't read back:o
Domestic things today, and DD coming home late this pm Will have a full home for 24 hours :T

NOA
x

trix-a-belle wrote: »

NOA
I have been reading a while now, I have to say I agree with your OH re ignoring the family who only get in touch when they want something.
I have just had this, an old colleague, we were in touch the early part of last year as our jobs now occasionally cross paths but they didn't want to know then. Then a year on to the month they contacted me, I had actually deleted their number in the intervening period, & when I wasn't going to give what they wanted they have disappeared again.
It may feel wrong but next time I will not be replying as we all deserve better than people like that.

I am cheering you on

Hello Trix-a-belle,
Thanks you for popping in and cheering on:) Sorry you have been through the being used experience too. We've realised over the years that whatever we do do is never "enough" - they always find something derogatory to say. This used to upset me terribly - but then we distanced ourselves and it no longer matters, it doesn't stop them coming back for more - no sense or pride. Will have to have a think again about to do this time....

NOA
x