Finances as a couple

NBLondon wrote: »

I agree - that is a very key point. When you have similar values; many arrangements (as described above) can work.

NBLondon wrote: »

Well they have to be in your case if "ALL money is OUR money". Just pointing out that this also could mean "ALL liabilities are OUR liabilities". If you're both happy with that, that's fine. I would prefer to take personal responsibility for liabilities that I incur totally by myself.

Having broadly similar values works for the independent people as well as the 'one pot' ones though. With the parking ticket: if I'd been on my own and stayed over time then I'd want to pay it myself. Bad enough making a stupid mistake without expecting DH to bale me out. If we'd been out together and jointly incurred it IYSWIM (like neither of us realising restrictions) then we'd share the cost. I think that's why this thread's been so interesting it' been throwing up people's attitudes to taking personal responsibility as well as the obvious financial questions.


I know my DH would give me every penny in his personal account (as I would reciprocate) if something dire happened to me but that's not everyday life.

catkins wrote: »

As we got married over 36 years ago I can't remember if we even thought about things like interest. If I remember rightly current accounts either had no or very little interest.

I was earning a reasonable wage, OH had a pretty low wage. Our mortgage was quite high and together with things like fares to work - we had to move quite a distance from work to afford a house, food, bills etc we really didn't have much if any money left over so pretty pointless have separate accounts.

I understand that but, unless money is still tight, it really isn't very mse:money: to keep your money in one pot to get maximum interest. ISAs were an obvious starting point a few years back and now the best interest is definitely to be found in current accounts.

As I have said ALL money either of us get - wages, winnings, inheritance or whatever is OUR money.

You keep making this point and others are responding that having separate accounts doesn't mean we don't see the money in our account as ours only, just that we like to manage it.

If DH suddenly lost his job and we only had our salary to live on, then of course my account would cover all our joint costs and vice versa. Of course any inheritance would be considered as money that is coming to both of us, whether being put in a joint account for the purpose of savings, or distributed equally between our two joint accounts.

I think that it seems to come down to is how much individuals within a relationship make individual decisions on spend or not. I do agree that if everything is going to be agreed before being spent, there is not much point of having separate accounts. If however you both agree on having some financial freedom, by which you are free to decide how to spend an element of your finances, a bit like having some time for yourself when you don't have to tell the other person where you are at any minute, then separate accounts is much easier to manage.

It really is "horses for courses".

Mr LW and I both got badly burned financially in our respective first marriages, and both felt more comfortable keeping our finances separate; he already had the bungalow when I moved in with him, so the direct debits have continued to be paid by him, while I buy the food. Large spends, eg the car, are paid for by us both, half each. We move money between ourselves at need, so from that point of view, it's really quite informal. When my former marital home was sold, I paid off the mortgage on the bungalow, with the condition that my name was put on the title deeds. We each have our own ISA; and when some extra money came through from his late mum's estate (I never knew his mum) I wouldn't have dreamt of asking for any of it.

The thing is.... it works for us.

maman wrote: »

That's a good, logical post LW.As you said it works for you.
What I've found irritating from a few posters is the implication that if you have separate finances then you must have a dodgy relationship.
Although my DH and I have been together for 39 years we are still individuals and like freedom to make our own decisions over our personal money as well as shared decisions about domestic stuff.

Sometimes on this board people see their way as the template for life. I've had this in a few other threads too. One had the nerve to suggest my marriage ceremony wasn't legitimate because it took place in a non denominational church. :rotfl: