Putting home into family trust to avoid nursing home fees

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  • ticktack_2
    ticktack_2 Posts: 172 Forumite
    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    May I just quietly object to the idea that this is a pensioner's forum.

    It was me that used that phrase. I'm sorry if you found it offensive. I'll rephrase it if you like: some of the users of a forum called "Over-50s Money Saving" are likely to be pensioners, simply because pensioners are mostly over 50.

    That's the sense in which I meant the phrase. Perhaps I should have chosen a different way of saying it.
    Everyone is welcome here, no-one needs to show a birth certificate, and some of us who are still in our fifties don't expect to be drawing a pension any time soon.

    I didn't say any of those things.

    I personally think that the rules about being nice should apply to all posters, including newbies. I don't think it's nice to talk about older people dribbling in their tea, in a forum used and read by older people, and in fact the poster has apologized for the remark. I am not going to apologize for objecting to it.

    I'm off.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 45,938
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    ticktack wrote: »
    It was me that used that phrase. I'm sorry if you found it offensive. I'll rephrase it if you like: some of the users of a forum called "Over-50s Money Saving" are likely to be pensioners, simply because pensioners are mostly over 50.
    I didn't find it offensive, but there seemed to be a bit of a response suggesting an exclusivity which I don't think should be here.
    ticktack wrote: »
    I didn't say any of those things.
    Never said you did: the first two are things I've said before, especially when an under 50 apologises for posting on this board (which sometimes happens).
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,827
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    My parent is in one - they choose when/if they get up. They can have their meals in their room or in the food room, the meals are better than they'd be eating at home - more varied and cooked to a better quality than a random carer nuking a chilled dinner badly.

    My parent stays in their own room - but once they leave it there are people - there are no people at their home, so they'd just be lonely, with nobody to spot if they fell or needed help.

    Where my parent is, there are 5-6 lounges, some with a telly, some without. They also have a telly in their room.

    They can wander around the place safely, choose to speak to people, have people available, have great food, everything works (no maintenance) and no dodgy characters knocking on the door (I'm in their house right now and had a strange young man at the door earlier this evening).


    Sounds like the home's at fault, not homes.

    My parent isn't put to bed - and is often up at midnight chatting to people and drinking tea.


    Although Sunday dinner's at lunchtime where my parent is, the rest of the days it's soup, sandwiches and cake the other days, so people don't miss out on their main meal if they go out - they are off to an appointment next week at lunchtime and they'll be served their lunch when they get back, it's no problem for the staff/chef.

    I can also randomly drop by at mealtimes and join my parent for lunch - in the food room, or in their room. They like notice, but I'd not be refused.


    Most people go into a home when it's safer for them to do so than living alone, it's rarely a lifestyle choice else they'd be in their own home with carers.

    That's like my experience as well.

    My FIL stays in his room all day long, in fact he stays on top of the bed and although encouraged to go into the day room there's no pressure to do so. Yes meals are at set times but it would be chaos if everyone had meals when they wanted.

    It's entirely his choice when to get up and go to bed. He has a TV in the room and watches entirely his own programme choice, there is also a good range of entertainment.

    Nothing is too much trouble for the staff and everyone gets treated very well
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

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  • John_Pierpoint
    John_Pierpoint Posts: 8,391
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    edited 6 May 2012 at 2:15AM
    It would be interesting to know where in the country these various care homes are.

    My limited experience, London/home counties/South coasts; suggests that the more expensive areas and/or those area where there is a high proportion of pensioners, tend to get a worse service in terms of staff.

    I suppose it is simple economics - it is a people intensive business, a difficult and probably unrewarding job in the case of dementia, so the cheapest & available labour is migrant labour, with poor English,
  • blossomhill_2
    blossomhill_2 Posts: 1,923 Forumite
    I suppose it is simple economics - it is a people intensive business, a difficult and probably unrewarding job in the case of dementia, so the cheapest & available labour is migrant labour, with poor English,

    I worked in one in the 80s where the residents were put to bed at 4.30pm "so the night staff could wash their clothes for the next day" and got up before 6 "so the day staff could wash the bedding" - all English, non-migrant staff, mainly very caring in other ways, just working to a ridiculous ethos - I saw a comedy sketch on TV once where a wife made her OH sit in PJs by day so she could wash his clothes but it was the reality for the poor residents and the LA Inspector thought the sun shined out of the home and its owner - I left after I'd cried too many tears!

    It was actually a rewarding job, because we cared about the residents we cared about keeping them not distressed, well-fed and enjoying their meals, clean, healthy, well-dressed and occupied, and there is a lot of job satisfaction in that
    You never know how far-reaching something good, that you may do or say today, may affect the lives of others tomorrow
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755
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    The home my mum was in was also very good, in that she could get up and go to bed when she wished, and they catered marvellously for her very restricted vegetarian diet (I'm not saying all vegetarian diets are restricted, but hers was, she just didn't eat most stuff and never had).

    However, she could put herself to bed and get up, with only minimal help. I don't know what time the people went to bed who couldn't do it themselves, and maybe needed lifting, or a hoist. Maybe these are the ones who are put to bed at five?
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • punchyuk
    punchyuk Posts: 12 Forumite
    ticktack wrote: »
    . I don't think it's nice to talk about older people dribbling in their tea, in a forum used and read by older people, and in fact the poster has apologized for the remark. I am not going to apologize for objecting to it.

    I'm off.

    I didn't apologise, perhaps if it was a pensioners forum I might have. xx :D
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    punchyuk wrote: »
    I didn't apologise, perhaps if it was a pensioners forum I might have. xx :D
    punchyuk wrote: »
    My apologies.
    I did not realise it was a pensioner's forum ;)

    Ok, we believe you. :cool:
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    edited 6 May 2012 at 8:20AM
    It's reassuring to hear of the good homes. I've looked around a few in our area because, without my help at home, my parents would need to be in a care home. If it has to happen because of an emergency on my part, I would like to have some background knowledge on the local homes.
  • punchyuk
    punchyuk Posts: 12 Forumite
    The landlord of my business premises opened a new care home just two years ago.
    He said after visiting care homes for his mother afew years back he didn't like what he saw in many of them. He quoted the very same thing that some of you on here have said ..."Would you send your mum there?"
    His place is beautiful, with quality furnishings and attentive staff. He pays his staff well as they work well. He said you get what you pay for. I can understand that, most homes pay minimum wage and in many cases you pay peanuts you get monkeys. The lazy inconsiderate staff at his place get booted out.
    I'd like to think if my mother needed full time care later in life she would be in a place just like his.
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