Am I being used by my family?

ForeverAwake wrote: »

My sister asked to borrow £50 until next day to prevent overdraft fees due to direct debit. I agreed and transferred the money.

Four weeks later.. no mention of it. She did this last year too. I’m worried I’ll get the “it’s Christmas and I’ve got kids.. I’ll pay you back £10 a week soon” scenario. I think that’s terrible to ask to “borrow” money from someone with no intention of paying it back.

She also opened a birthday card that was meant for me from a friend and took gift money out and spent it.

My mother asked to borrow £300 towards a car, however when I asked for the money back she said “I’ve got an enough money”, “I wanted her to have the car”, and “you can use the car for driving lessons”.

I’m worried they feel “entitled” to money from me because I’ve done well in my job recently.

Seriously. Do you really need to ask if you're being used? Your family have stolen from you. Grow a pair and say no to any future requests. And tell your thieving sister if she ever steals from you again you'll report her.

Malthusian wrote: »

You can be someone's creditor or their friend but not both.

I view it slightly differently, I treat money lent to friends as a gift, if I get I back it's a bonus, but I won't "lend" it unless I'm happy to gift it.

Money and families eh. Can really cause falling out big time

Your situation doesn't sound too drastic, doesn't sound like you are tied in to anything, you aren't a guarantor or anything where they have got you by the balls (as such)

You can simply say no.

I don't think you are harming them, for a car, its hardly like they are starving if you say no - for example, or are desperate they are going to become homeless if you say no. The implications are very few for them if you say no - they will merely be able to afford less luxuries

In future, don't feel backed into a corner, get s response ready so you dont agree without meaning to - if they put you on the spot. You can always say ill have to think about it.

Then text later saying no. You don't really have to give a reason.

When it is family repeatedly mugging you off for money it can really cause strained relationships but really this situation seems like the word NO would put an end to it.

They might be grumpy with you about it, but tht is their problem not yours. In reality these are pretty minor amounts of money that they are asking for occasionally - they will learn to get by without it

I have had problems myself with this scenario, and whilst i am all for helping family or anyone else when they are down on their luck and need it - there comes a point where it starts having a negative impact on you if you continue giving and they arent helping themselves and you are going without so they can have luxuries

You are behaving like a doormat and they are taking advantage of this and had no intention of paying you back.

Forget all previous debts, but NEVER lend them money again.