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  • gallygirl
    gallygirl Posts: 17,228 Forumite
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    Struggling a bit today. I've been volunteering at school and it's been a bit of a hard day. Pupils have been generally bad tempered and I don't think I delivered a particularly good session to one group or handled some behaviour issues in the best possible way. I'll move on from it and know what I need to do next week. Things like this happen sometimes.
    How positive is that! The 'old Alex' would have seen it as 'proof' of how useless he was rather than putting it in perspective as you rightly have :T:T:T. How far you've come :).

    Told my parents I won't see them until next week as we are busy with other things. I suppose I was quite blunt about it but I do need to have some boundaries in place.
    Ditto, how far you've come :).
    Mrs. K. put it in perspective when she said "so, he's not concerned she'll run a mile over the fact a few months ago he was high practically everyday but a marriage that didn't work out and a few late payments mean it's doomed from the start ... tell him not to give her his log on to Experian and that at our age I doubt she's still angelic." Harsh but she does amuse me.
    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T:T:T:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
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    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    :) Mortgage Balance = £0 :)
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
  • LadyGnome
    LadyGnome Posts: 801 Forumite
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    Alex, your parents may never develop the ability to change their behaviour, some people don't, partly because they might not want to deal with their past behaviour. However just being able to recognise that your parents have issues and this affects how they treat people might allow you to distance yourself from the effects of their behaviour. It really is them not you. I work in a stressful environment with people who can be under quite a lot of pressure and so I have learnt not to take a lot of behaviour directed at me personally. Its hard at times but it really does help your own equilibrium if you can take a mental step back and see it as the other person not coping very well.

    Alex, I agree with the others that the change in tone in your posts is wonderful. You have come a long way over the last few years, you should be proud of yourself.
    MortgageStart Nov 2012 £310,000
    Oct 2022 £143,277.74
    Reduction £166,722.26
    OriginalEnd Sept 2034 / Current official end Apr 2032 (but I have a cunning plan...)
    2022 MFW #78 £10200/£12000
    MFiT-6 #28 £21,772 /£75000
  • AlexLK
    AlexLK Posts: 6,125 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
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    May Targets:
    Days getting longer and summer only around the corner, May is the month to sell a no longer wanted classic, I think.

    Organise trip to Rutland Water with in-laws. Going to call this done. :)
    Organise Whitsun holiday. 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Trip to the coast. 3. Son baking with parents. 4. At least one quiet day dog walking etc. 5. Swimming (thanks, Red Squirrel ).
    Going to call this done, also.
    Start work on the bathroom One more week and we should have a fully functioning room. Nearly there. :)
    Total Grocery Spend: £235 / £400.
    Surplus Money: £230 / £1,000.
    11.30pm bedtime: 10 / 31. :rotfl: Hectic day today, literally only just stopped at midnight. Actually had more hours working today than Mrs. K. :eek: :rotfl: Plus other Friday commitments. Had a really good day, though and am now definitely ready for the weekend.
    Meditation: 12 / 31.
    Schedule / Spreadsheets: 18 / 31. Haven't managed to update. I have put a reminder in my phone, so that will let me know tomorrow what I need to do. :)
    De-clutter and Sell: 1 / 5 items.
    New Recipes: 1 / 4.
    Books read for pleasure: / 3.
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire. 3. Demolishing a bathroom.
    gallygirl wrote: »
    How positive is that! The 'old Alex' would have seen it as 'proof' of how useless he was rather than putting it in perspective as you rightly have :T:T:T. How far you've come :).

    Ditto, how far you've come :).

    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T:T:T:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
    Save
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    Thanks, Gally. I only realise this from reading your comment but for a week or so I've managed to not instantly see myself as a failure. :) I actually thought the other day that I'm where I need to be right now and the past needed to happen for me to not remain the ***** I was, also to make me a better parent. To be honest, I would have very little time for who I was but I'm starting to see that refusing for my wife to display a picture from our wedding or similar because I don't particularly like or even really recognise myself from then isn't how to move on.

    We're all a product of our upbringing but I'd like to think in adulthood the choices we make can improve who we initially became once given our own freedom.
    LadyGnome wrote: »
    Alex, your parents may never develop the ability to change their behaviour, some people don't, partly because they might not want to deal with their past behaviour. However just being able to recognise that your parents have issues and this affects how they treat people might allow you to distance yourself from the effects of their behaviour. It really is them not you. I work in a stressful environment with people who can be under quite a lot of pressure and so I have learnt not to take a lot of behaviour directed at me personally. Its hard at times but it really does help your own equilibrium if you can take a mental step back and see it as the other person not coping very well.

    Alex, I agree with the others that the change in tone in your posts is wonderful. You have come a long way over the last few years, you should be proud of yourself.

    Thank you, that makes a lot of sense and I hope you're right, LadyGnome re. being able to distance myself. I also hope my parents will make meaningful and lasting changes but am not going to pin my hopes and self worth upon it. I've had to step back quite a few times in teaching so far and I'm sure I have a lot more of that to do when I have a class of my own (hopefully, one day). Therefore, I do and can understand this. :)

    I do try to strive to be a lifelong learner and improve myself. Might not seem like it at times but I think we all have the capacity to improve. I hope I can pass this on to my son and he will be in a better position to cope with adult life in the first place.

    Well, that's my philosophising over for the night as bed beckons ready for a good night's sleep and a bright (or rainy :rotfl:) morning.
    2018 totals:
    Savings £11,200
    Mortgage Overpayments £5,500
  • EatingTheElephant
    EatingTheElephant Posts: 1,373 Forumite
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    So much positivity in your posts Alex, even when you hit issues, really good stuff :T
  • heartbreak_star
    heartbreak_star Posts: 8,286 Forumite
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    Alex, if I could "thank" your last few posts twice I would.

    Brilliant work :) long may the positivity continue!

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Bremainer
  • Elephantchunks
    Elephantchunks Posts: 211 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
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    Hi, I've just finished reading your entire diary Alex. It's been emotional and extremely interesting to get an insight into your life. I love this new positive Alex and hope he's here to stay x
    "Why not now, OK so when and how," ElephantChunks.
    Electrics re-wire savings Oct 18 - March 2020 WE GOT ELECTRIC!
     Heating Loan Sept 0/£5000
    SPC14 #65
  • AlexLK
    AlexLK Posts: 6,125 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Options
    May Targets:
    Days getting longer and summer only around the corner, May is the month to sell a no longer wanted classic, I think. Still not done this.

    Organise trip to Rutland Water with in-laws. Going to call this done. :)
    Organise Whitsun holiday. 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Trip to the coast. 3. Son baking with parents. 4. At least one quiet day dog walking etc. 5. Swimming (thanks, Red Squirrel ).
    Going to call this done, also.
    Start work on the bathroom After a weekend / start to the week working on this, we're almost there. :)
    Total Grocery Spend: £235 / £400.
    Surplus Money: £1,230 / £1,000. Going straight to the bathroom project.
    11.30pm bedtime: 11 / 31. Managed an early night yesterday.
    Meditation: 12 / 31. Not managed this for a few days.
    Schedule / Spreadsheets: 18 / 31. I'm behind with this again. :o I need to have a couple of hours on this tomorrow and have planned to do so tomorrow evening.
    De-clutter and Sell: 1 / 5 items. :o
    New Recipes: 1 / 4. :o
    Books read for pleasure: / 3. Hardly read at all but June is a new month ...
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. Think this will need to carry over to next month.2. Learn a new piece of repertoire. Getting there with this. 3. Demolishing a bathroom :rotfl: and rebuilding it. :D.

    Life has been very busy over these past few days. Not really sure where the time has gone if I'm honest. Anyway, I'm back and realise how far behind I am with my targets (apart from the surplus money one :j). Sat here wondering if I set myself targets that are difficult to keep, yet at the beginning of the month they seem quite easy to meet. However, I seem to blink and another month passes before me. I'm quite disconcerted about this, to be honest.
    EatingTheElephant wrote: »
    So much positivity in your posts Alex, even when you hit issues, really good stuff :T

    Thank you, I am trying. :) Not sure where the months are going at the moment but things are quite good at the moment so trying to enjoy life a little more.
    heartbreak_star wrote: »
    Alex, if I could "thank" your last few posts twice I would.

    Brilliant work :) long may the positivity continue!

    HBS x

    Thank you, HBS. :)
    Elephantchunks wrote: »
    Hi, I've just finished reading your entire diary Alex. It's been emotional and extremely interesting to get an insight into your life. I love this new positive Alex and hope he's here to stay x

    :eek: I don't think I could sit and read my entire diary with all the rants / completely off topic things I post. :o Anyhow, erm, congratulations, you are through it and have reached the end for now.

    Thank you, I hope I can retain a balanced but more positive outlook too.
    2018 totals:
    Savings £11,200
    Mortgage Overpayments £5,500
  • kelpie35
    kelpie35 Posts: 1,781 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
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    You are sounding so positive Alex, well done.

    I am also impressed with your grocery spends so far, well done again.

    Is the bathroom almost finished?
  • maman
    maman Posts: 28,587 Forumite
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    Good to see you posting Alex. I wondered where you'd been. Busy is good. I always worry that the black dog has got to you.


    You've got a good week planned for half term. I don't think you need anything more unless something just comes up. LittleK loves his home (he's told you so:)) so a bit of downtime will be enjoyable too. Will you be fitting in a picnic?


    Being my usual nosey self, I'd like a bathroom update too.:D
  • AlexLK
    AlexLK Posts: 6,125 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Options
    May Targets:
    Days getting longer and summer only around the corner, May is the month to sell a no longer wanted classic, I think.

    Organise trip to Rutland Water with in-laws. Going to call this done.
    Organise Whitsun holiday. 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Trip to the coast. 3. Son baking with parents. 4. At least one quiet day dog walking etc. 5. Swimming (thanks, Red Squirrel ).
    Going to call this done, also.
    Start work on the bathroom and it looks like we are going to finish this month too... :D
    Total Grocery Spend: £285 / £400.
    Surplus Money: £1,230 / £1,000. Going straight to the bathroom project.
    11.30pm bedtime: 12 / 31. Going to call tonight an early night as I'm already tired and shouldn't be long until I go to bed after writing this.
    Meditation: 13 / 31.
    Schedule / Spreadsheets: 18 / 31. I'm behind with this again. I need to have a couple of hours on this tomorrow and have planned to do so tomorrow evening. This was meant to be today but didn't happen...
    my excuse being the weather was too nice not to enjoy. :o
    De-clutter and Sell: 1 / 5 items.
    New Recipes: 1 / 4.
    Books read for pleasure: / 3. Hardly read at all but June is a new month ...
    Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. Think this will need to carry over to next month.2. Learn a new piece of repertoire. Getting there with this. 3. Demolishing a bathroom and rebuilding it.
    kelpie35 wrote: »
    You are sounding so positive Alex, well done.

    I am also impressed with your grocery spends so far, well done again.

    Is the bathroom almost finished?

    Thanks, kelpie. I am trying. :)

    Grocery spends were inaccurate yesterday as I forgot to add to it but are correct now. Still, we are getting better. :)

    Yes, the bathroom is now functional.
    maman wrote: »
    Good to see you posting Alex. I wondered where you'd been. Busy is good. I always worry that the black dog has got to you.


    You've got a good week planned for half term. I don't think you need anything more unless something just comes up. LittleK loves his home (he's told you so:)) so a bit of downtime will be enjoyable too. Will you be fitting in a picnic?


    Being my usual nosey self, I'd like a bathroom update too.:D

    Thank you, maman. :)

    Busy is good for me. :) I'm doing well at the moment and constantly work on strategies that help me with the black dog. I know I'm going to have good and not so good days, I also know my mental health is going to be work in progress as I'm not going to wake up one day and be "cured". There are things I am concerned about at the moment but they are wider issues than I alone can deal with.

    I hope I remember this post when I'm not feeling so good.

    Really looking forward to this half term. ONE MORE DAY! My wife is on leave from work again this holiday and as I'm in school tomorrow, it seems we are all breaking up together. Not planning anything else for half term, so agree there. We are planning to have picnic on our trip to the coast and at RW with the in-laws.

    Not said much about the bathroom because I'm a little loathed to admit it's now gone over budget by £1,500 and we are back in debt for it. :o However, it looks brilliant and the standalone shower doesn't look anywhere near as silly as I thought it would. Whilst not the prettiest feature of the room, it doesn't look as out of place as I had thought and will be used everyday so I'm going to admit it was worth it. Really pleased we picked the high level cistern which Mrs. K. was really unsure about but now thinks is a statement piece of the bathroom. I was unsure about having a basin without a cabinet but the ones I really liked were a long way from being in budget. Anyway, I'm now pleased with our non-fussy pedestal basin, so it seems to have worked out really well. Can quite honestly say what has been the worst room of this house is now the best. :) On the less than positive side it does mean we are planning more spending on the house. :o
    2018 totals:
    Savings £11,200
    Mortgage Overpayments £5,500
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